Gratitude

I’ve been working on taking time to really soak up life’s moments. I love traveling with the boys at these ages. Its almost like the sweet spot of childhood. They are a little more self sufficient (no diapers, bottles or cribs), they actually want to hangout with us and they are discovering the world with innocent eyes.

This past weekend we went glamping with some of our neighbors. It’s a new Labor Day weekend tradition for us, to close out summer with our village. Even with Covid and the pandemic concerns we decided we needed this time together. Time to get outside and enjoy some family time. Also, the fact that we reserved this place almost a year in advance and there were no refunds. So off we went to Gore, Oklahoma to Marval Resort.

Each year the kids from Woodfield put on a talent show called, “Woodfield’s Got Talent.” Last year we were audience members. But this year, this year, we had been talking about the talent show months in advance.

When we were in California this summer Perry and Roman stayed the night with Uncle PJ and Aunt Robinne at their home. PJ and Robinne planned a special movie night for the boys. Space Jam had just been released and their outdoor movie theater set up looked like a Pinterest post. They had all the Perry safe foods and even had an old time hotdog roller grill, popcorn machine and all the candy and pops the boys could eat!

My brother is a trained musician for those that don’t know. And we of course think he’s a rockstar. That being said, Uncle PJ loves music so that night, Perry sang his song, “Talking to the Moon,” by Bruno Mars outside on their patio. They live in a magical place, Laurel Canyon, where so many other great musicians once lived and played. We told them about the talent show and how Perry should sing. Perry is shy and humble but honestly quite good for a 6 year old. PJ and Robinne agreed he should sing in the talent show. How cool is it to have your family support your dreams?

Fast forward to last night. We were nearing the end of the afternoon at the river and several of the older kids had secured the stage for 6pm. Perry was very nervous. He said several times, “no I can’t, I’m too nervous.” We all encouraged him. And when I say we all, I mean all the other kids and parents.

Uncle PJ even called me to wish Perry good luck. PJ shared how incredibly special his first performance was and how he wished he could go back and relive his first show. He told me that there are so many emotions, fear, adrenaline, excitement and insecurity just to name a few.

I don’t know about you, but the only crowds I would perform in front of were my parents. And our den fireplace was my stage.

Now, it was Perry’s turn. He slowly made his way up on stage. The stage managers and older kids flanked the stage and the music began. I had butterflies in my stomach. Seeing my little baby up on stage made my heart race.

And he sang. He sang with his soft sweet voice with one front tooth missing. He stood with confidence not wavering. It was so pure and so innocent it made several of us tear up. The crowd cheered him on. Encouraging whoops and yeahs followed by clapping and howls, “yeah Pear Bear!!” He sang the whole song and when he was finished the crowd went wild.

He ran off stage and into my arms it was one of the best moments of my life. And hopefully one of his too. It is something I will never forget. I am crying tears of gratitude as I write. Proud doesn’t even describe it. And I didn’t even have my phone to record it. Thank you to my village for capturing Perry’s performance. I hope this is just the beginning. I see so many BIG things happening in Perry’s life. He is special. And how lucky am I to always have a front row seat cheering him on? He knows I’ll be waiting in the wings to hug him and tell him how proud I am to be his mama.

I’m taking the time to stop and enjoy my kids. They can show us how to be fearless. My gratitude grows each day that I can stop, be in the moment and reflect on these times. Because even tho we are all growing older the memories can remain fresh and vivid in our minds. And I never want to forget last night. I’m forever grateful for my family and my people.

“Every day I bless my life by counting my blessings.”- Oprah

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Xoxo

Happy Halloween 👻 

Just Happy Mommy 

No I’m not talking about the “5 D’s of Dodgeball: Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.” 

Dodgeball Wikipedia 

When you are married the D word means Divorce. And just like many curse words we whisper when we say it, like it will have less of an affect. We never used the D word before having kids. It is not an option. The past four years have been some of the best, yet hardest and stressful of our lives. 

Counting back the years we have shared 12 amazing years together and we will celebrate 9 years of marriage in 2 weeks! Whoop whoop! (This is one of our engagement pics from August 2006. )

I remember him sending me hot pink roses on my college graduation day because he had to work at the car lot on Saturdays. We were so in love, the blind, no fear, no looking back, this is it, kind of love. 

Even the happiest of marriages have peaks and valleys. It’s called the rollercoaster of love for a reason right?!?! We never lack passion, that’s for sure! But after going through many negative relationship cycles over the past few years we decided we needed a professional tune up. So we went to marriage counseling. 

Here’s the deal, we know we love each other and we do NOT want to argue anymore. So in order to get back to the love that once came so easily, we are learning emotionally focused couples therapy. EFCT 

I didn’t hesitate to share this with y’all because I made a promise to always keep it real. It worked! It’s been a few months now and honestly it’s the best decision we have made since having our boys and saying I do. 

We fake it till we make it a lot in motherhood. But that shit don’t fly in marriage. Sometimes you need to step outside and ask for help. I don’t think it is a sign of weakness but of strength. My husband also agrees and he reads all of my blogs before I post them. 
I think it’s refreshing to know when people admit to having issues. I think it makes us feel human. Don’t get me wrong I admire people who have a happy, healthy marriage. But what we were doing and dealing with wasn’t going down the yellow brick road. Also 12 years together is a really long time! 

Thankfully we weren’t doing that bad but We needed to unscramble our priorities. God, spouse, kids, work, family, friends, money and the rest. We had it all mixed up. With everything we have endured over the last few years and explaining our situation, sitting on the shrinks couch, it was clear we needed this time together and to make an investment in us. 

There are only so many hours you can cry to your mom and your best friends until they are like “I love you but y’all need a third party unbiased helper.”

I grew up old school and like most of my family and friends we keep marriage and family issues secret. Its like  “nun ya nun ya biznass.”

Well I’ve got a news flash! We live in a new century and we are downloading the latest version of marriage. The world is faster and more stressful than ever before. 

Even going to the beach, on vacation, to slow down was amazing, but our problems were still waiting for us when we got home and dumped the white sand out of our shoes. 
After taking the first steps, calling, making an appointment and going together we were already better connected. 

The last couple of months have been amazing. We got lost and now we are getting back on the path. The love we have for each other and our children is worth fighting for.  We will never feel ashamed or apologize for working on ourselves or our marriage. 

I hope that by sharing our journey, we can inspire other couples, who might be experiencing a road block, to get a marriage tune up and seek some counseling. Even tho smiles on social media can paint the perfect picture, things are never perfect. With faith, hope and love we can stand strong. I think this wedding anniversary will be the best one yet! I love you babe. Thank you for always loving me for better or worse. And thank you for taking care of me and the boys.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy 

Today is Christmas in July. I can’t believe in 6 months it will be Christmas! My most favorite time of the year. Reflecting back on the holiday makes me happy. 

I decided to do something I haven’t done all summer. Treat myself to a morning of doing absolutely nothing. After I dropped the boys off at summer camp I decided I deserved 2 hours to myself. 
The last 5 days of summer fun have been busy swimming, cooking, sweating, cleaning, hustling and bustling. I thought “hey I need some ME time.” And not apologize for it. If it’s Christmas in July after all, I might as well give myself the best gift of all and that is time. 
Time to pray. Time to meditate. Time to write. Time to breathe. Sit in bed and do nothing until pickup. 
My best friend told me about an app called HeadSpace so I thought “hey why not try it.” I’m so glad I downloaded it because now I can’t wait for tomorrow’s meditation session. It’s amazing how stopping and taking 10 minutes can change your whole head space. 
Looking out my bedroom windows and seeing the sunlight dance on the leaves in the breeze and hearing birds chirping and the humm of the refrigerator in the kitchen is calming. It’s 100 degrees again today and in 6 months it will be freezing. I have to remind myself to stop and be thankful for all the days and all the moments. Before you know it it could be too late and you don’t know how to stop being busy. 
Lately thinking of all the things going on in my life makes me sad. Why am I living an unhappy life? Recent family conflict and my sissy’s unanswered health questions are top of mind. 
Fear is control. 

Control is an illusion. 
Suffering from fear, depression and anxiety sucks. Even tho I know I have so much to be thankful for, deep down, I’m sad. Seeking help, taking medication and surrounding yourself with supportive and loving people is the key. But what happens when those people and connections break down? Or you cannot spend quality time with the ones you love and miss the most. Are we too busy to give the greatest gift of all to those we love the most?! Our time. 
Stop and give yourself some time. I am seeking some inner peace and praying in desperation for my fears to stop taking control. I don’t have to get everything done. I don’t have to be perfect. The pressure I put on myself is exhausting. 
As always I’m Looking forward to Christmas this year. I want to do what my boys and family want to do and not succumb to what is expected of me. The holiday gets lost in the hustle and bustle and the commitments of time and money. Really stopping to think “is this going to make me happy?”
So here’s to beating this heat and dreaming of a white Christmas. Im looking forward and not behind.
Xoxo
Just Happy Mommy

So I was all excited to lose some extra lbs and tighten and tone my mom bod. I wanted to document the journey like a real blogger, but the last 3 weeks have been like a binge eating, cheat meal marathon, carb load feast. And with with zero miles logged. Honestly you can blame it on everything in life lately. Exhaustion, depression, and the fact that I have zero F’s to give. I have survived on coffee, Dr Pepper, baby bell cheese, and boxes of left over hideaway pizza for nearly every single meal for over a week now.

  
When your babies are sick, your world stops and you become everything to everyone. It’s like newborn/puppy phase but with screaming sleepy sick minions. My sweet little angel nuggets both have terrible allergies. Since it’s spring in Oklahoma, that means break out the checkbook and the nebulizer. We have been to see our awesome doctors more than a few times over the last month. 

  Needless to say, I am overly cautious and I need the copay reassurance that we do not have RSV or pneumonia. With those doctor visits comes extra togetherness and less mama time. I will walk into a pool of flames for my kids, but hot damn, it’s hard when they are sick and then tag team my ass with the sleeping edition of musical beds.

   
I have exercised once since my post, and that was yoga. No joke I’m either too tired, can’t take sick kids to the gym, or I’d just rather have a beer and watch basketball with pizza and wings. In this house, we are Sooner born and Sooner bred. And when we die, we will be sooner dead. Boomer!!! Final 4!
Im sorry I seemed to have lost my mind. I bounce from subject to subject like a boy jumping in a bounce house. I wake up in the middle of the night and worry. I want to live a long time, but I feel the stress and unhealthy choices I make have taken a toll on me. I feel ancient. My neck and shoulders feel like I have an evil biting elephant hyena on my neck. Like, 33 never looked so wrecked. I have never been more ready for a vacation in my life! Dentist chair selfie 

  I have been following and getting more followers on Instagram lately. and while it is fun, I am also realizing that I need to step up my perfect photo game. Unfortunately, I have zero sponsors for my blog. So if any one of the many brands that I use and love want to hop on the just happy mommy train lets go!
I am still upping my insta game so I need some selfie tips. How do you get the over head shots of your entire outfit? Do you have an assistant? Oh, cool, bc my assistants are 4 and 18 months. A selfie stick makes me look like I’m holding an awkward metal pole to hide my triple chin.

   I also need to frequent more flower shops because everyone of those flower pictures I do give a heart to. Finally, and most importantly, how do I get people to give me cute clothes and shoes and bags and accessories?!?! Need the info, need the swag. I am clearly so late to the social media and blogging world, it’s a joke. I didn’t join this cult until fairly recently, but I embrace it with open arms. 
I’ve been looking at getting some new swim suits, but I can’t get myself to a store or follow through on the “purchase” button of the online checkout. Mama needs a new swim suit ok?!?! 
I love sleep. I love sleep more than food, sex, and wine. Ask my four year old what my favorite thing to do is, and without hesitation, he says “Sleep!” Boom! Can I get an Amen?!

So since I have been torturing toddlers with syringes of white, pink, clear, and purple medicines, cleaning up their puke, and wiping asses, we find entertainment in bathing and watching waaaaaaay too much tv, Netflix, vudu etc. The husband says we are out of towels. I don’t know what I’m wearing to work tomorrow. Laundry and dishes are overflowing. 
Next thing I know, my sister is being admitted into the hospital, we are completely out of diapers, and our water has just been turned off by the city. I’m cleaning up vomit and rabbit turds, and bleaching the bathtub for the 3rd time in a week because little brother is potty training and decides to take his diaper off constantly. He pees outside and thinks the tub is now a toilet. He started this all on his own. My mom has told us our little brother was potty trained at 18 months and I always thought she was exaggerating but it is possible. Siblings. Monkey see, monkey do.
  
So fast forward to Easter, and it’s a weird day. Usually we are all together. This time last year our baby was being baptized. My brother and his girlfriend were here, and we were celebrating. 

  This year we had our usual activities and meals, but it wasn’t the same. We missed Aunt Sissy. All this joking around with my blog above and saying how tough it is to workout, Instagram followers, and all that bullshit goes out the window when it comes to my sissy. 

  She is fighting for her life. She is the strongest person I know. And for me to bitch about not working out and taking care of two perfect little babies really puts things into perspective. I want to fix her. I want to help her. I want to give her the life she so desperately wants and deserves to live. She is so private but please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. We all cope in different ways. Running, eating, drinking, denying, sleeping, crying, shopping, praying, and thinking positively. Trust me. I’ve tried them all, and I’m done. I want my sissy back.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy 

Aunt Sissy Video

DO NOT question a Mommy. She knows what is best. There are several reasons why one should NOT doubt a mother but these are mine 

1 Motherhood is the most important institution

2 Motherly instincts are always right.

Im talking primitive shit here people. When I was pregnant with our first son, I would get up to pee in the middle of the night and I would turn the bathroom light on. My husband mentioned this to me because I never turned the light on before. I asked my OB and he said that it is a mothers instinct to check her surroundings. The Mama Bear instincts are real and can be stronger and more present in different mothers.

When you question a mom it causes her to question herself and her motherly instincts. Trust us moms, we do enough of that on our own, every second of every day of every year of our childrens lives. I suffer from anxiety, worry and possibly hyprocondria from time to time. For example my neck has been bothering me so instead of going to the chiropractor I just jump straight to the conculsion that I have a golf ball sized tumor in my neck. For no reason other that I am a loon.

When it comes to my boys I would have to say I flip out over everything. I had gotten better until we had a few recent ER visits and ambulance rides. So I get in fight or flight every time someone spikes a fever, coughs or vomits. All of which have been happening for almost 2 weeks straight. Spring break sucked a big turd! My older son has terrible allergies then was diagnosed with a virus and everyone knows viruses are bullshit, it has to take its couse. Which translates to good luck mommy!

3 Do what she says: 

A mother is ALWAYS right!

Usually I will ask my husband and mom questions then go and do the exact opposite of what they think. Often times I will listen and think everything is fine and that I am over reacting. Then I say NOPE these are my babies and I know them better than anyone in this world. Mama knows what to do! Do you think he is ok? Should I take him to the doctor? When I am struggling if I should take my child to the doctor I would say  99% of the time I am glad I did and 80% of the time it is for a real good medical reason. Today was one of those days. I decided to take our younger son to get checked for RSV. He has all the symptoms, coughing and wheezing, runny nose, loss of appetite, restless sleep, slight fever etc. He has also been coughing so much he has been vomiting. It is the saddest thing ever. Sure enough when I took him in he was breathing fast 60 per minute and had tight chest contractions. We administered an albuterol breathing treatment and within 10 minutres he was a completely different child. He is on steriods and antibiotics for a right ear infection and we will do breathing treatments every 4 hours.

4 Moms are super heroes

Once you have the diagnosis the real work begins!

You will be bribing to administer medicine and breathing treatments. Struggling to get them to eat and one already looks malnurished. And go ahead and F$%& that schedule and no screen time over spring break. BAHAHAHA yeah right. Screen time it up in this biatch. There aren’t many things worse to a little boy than telling him he cant go outside. And the reason is the air makes you sick baby.

To survive on such little sleep, extreme stress and malnutrition is amazing to me. Mothers do NOT get the recognition they deserve. We do this because it is in our DNA to keep our babies healthy, happy, thriving and beaming! Remembering everything becomes extremely difficult. My genius mother suggested I start keeping a journal of who ate what, pees, poops, and who had which medicine, what time, how much. When was the last breathing treatment.?

I have been trying to find a clever way to explain my sleeping patterns the last 2 weeks and it goes something like this. I was always terrible at math and especially word problems. Hence the journalism degree LOL.

Mom and Dad (M&D) boy #1, boy #2, couch and recliner. Starts out M&D, then #1 comes in and M goes out. M goes to #1’s bed and then #2 wakes up. M & #2 go to the couch. Then #2 goes back down & M goes to #1s bed. See how D didn’t move haha.

Or M&D plus #2, then #1 runs in and its M, D, #1 & #2 all 4 in 1 bed! M & #1 go back to #1 bed. Then #2 starts crying. #2 back down and M goes to the couch.

 I always have the baby monitor and my iPhone in the robe pockets like a cowboy huslters his gun and knife. Ready for action. Ready for the fight.

There are so many different variations of our sleep patterns and habits. All of which are controversial and I do NOT care. If we are all sleeping that is all that matters. When we are well we can work on schedules and staying in our own beds.

5 A mommy who has had a full night of sleep is unstoppable.

We make all mistakes and don’t worry mommy guilt is punishment enough 

A mom with NO sleep is mombie or a mom zombie. Add a sick kid, messy everything and stress and we just gets thru the day on coffee, Dr. Pepper, cold pizza, dry shampoo and deoderant.

Yesterday we came home from the doctor and I was running on fumes, literally. I went to turn on the water and drip drip nothing. WTF!?!?!? I forgot to pay the water bill and our city turned the water off!!! OMG CALL DHS, WORST MOM EVER!!! I quickly got on the phone paid the bill and then realized we were completely out of diapers. SERIOUSLY!!! CALL THE COPS! I need to be put away! Put away to bed!

Heres the deal we have autopay and auto delivery on diapers from the HONEST COMPANY but we recently got new debit cards and I didnt bother to change the experation date or the new CVS code so no water and no diapers. IDIOT!

6 Love your Mother like she loves you

I have to stop often to remind myself how lucky I am. We all have struggles, challenges and pain that we dont want to share. Moms have to hold it together. My mom is the best at this and I take after her. Although we all break at some point. My sister was also recently admitted into the hospital for extreme dehydration. She does not like me talking about her health issues on my blog but any and all prayers and positive vibes for my sissy are welcomed.  I was overwhelmed to say the least. Trying to lean on God and keep positive. I started to have chest pains and went into a panic attack.

So my sweet husband took over and I laid down to relax. After awhile I logged onto Facebook and saw my best friend and uber talented photo/videographer posted a link to a video she produced for the Down Syndrome Association of Central Oklahoma.

Down syndrome awareness video 

I stopped and watched the 15 minute video and not only was it awesomely well done but also very informative and helped put things into perspecitive. All moms have something going on. Allergies, Down Syndrome, Autism or even a strong willed little one.

7 Mothers make the world go round. 

I love my mama with all of my heart and soul. I am so thankful for all my friends who are moms in some form or another, human or fur 🙂 We must encourage each other and tell each other we are doing a great job! Remember that your mom cleaned up your puke, wiped your butt and comforted you when you were sick.  I found this little story and I loved it so much I wanted to share it with you:

“A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday school presentation. His mother was in the front row to prompt him. She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Her son’s memory was blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.” The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud clear voice said, “My mother is the light of the world.” While Jesus is the true light of the world, you mother can be the light which will lead your children to Christ.”

And a few wonderful quotes about Mothers:

God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.

–Jewish Proverb

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.

–Abraham Lincoln

XOXO

Just Happy Mommy

Source: Are play dates the new friendship / online dating?!