Category: Mommy

Ying and Yang

The ying to my yang. I always say that my husband and I are very different and we balance each other out. So, the ying to each other’s yang, if you will.

As stated in previous posts, I am spiritual and I also believe in karma. The balance of the universe compels me.

The last 24 hours is a wonderful example of this. Like if things feel too good to be true, just wait and something will happen to smack you back down to earth.

Like most nights, the boys wanted to snuggle, cuddle and sleep with me. I was wiped out after my family came over for Sunday dinner, so I indulged them after a couple books and songs and laid down in the bottom bunk twin bed. These bunk beds have been passed down from my mother and siblings to my sister and I and now to our boys. I fell asleep with them and my husband woke me up. And as I got up and turned around I saw the boys sleeping on each other so sweetly.DC464533-2EEA-4C25-944D-682525F81770

This has literally NEVER happened. They both love each other but more the rough, tough, antagonistic, arguing, screaming, fighting and crying kind of brotherly love. So of course I snapped a picture and dozed off to sleep in my bed.

Now comes the yang. Just after midnight I am jolted awake by the sound of thunderous feet stampeding down the stairs like a herd of elephants. Both boys half asleep crying and rattling on about some nonsense. So I threw the older one into my side of the bed and calmed the sleep walking night terror 3 year old back to bed. I don’t know if your kids can “smell you,” but mine can sniff me out.

Also the kicking and sleep talking is enough to drive one mad. So I snuck into the guest room not long followed by the baby wolf who noticed I had left his den. Needless to say I didn’t get much sleep. But seeing them in a sweet slumber is what makes all this craziness worth it. The special moments that become the ying to the mother f$&@ing yang.

After the morning routine, bus stop and drop off at nursery school, I scooped up my BFF who is in town for thanksgiving. We went to a hip cool and new-ish workout place REVVD and got our cardio strength training on. Then we went to Ediblend a local, fresh and delicious superfood cafe in Utica Square. My husband met us and we each enjoyed a healthy treat. Next we ventured off to Madewell, West Elm, Starbucks, Snowgoose, Loft and finally it was time for the best f$&@ing day ever to end.

Today was a day that I day dream about often. Spending time with a BFF one on one. Catching up, working out, drinking coffee, shopping, eating healthy foods, laughing and being outside in our hometown. Even while trying on clothes I said “this is like the best f$&@ing day ever. I mean besides my children being born and getting married of course. LOL!”

No, but seriously, something so simple became so HUGE. It is the simple things that mean the most and that is quality time with the ones who mean the most to you. Isn’t that what we teach our kids. And isn’t that what the holidays are meant to represent?

If there was one thing i had to accomplish it was buying the thanksgiving turkey. I had put it off long enough and it was 1.5 hours until pick up. So off I go to get the holiday bird and a few other things on my list. Of course they only had small ones and instead of reserving my turkey online or calling around I just got 2 small turkeys Incase I couldn’t find another gluten free, fancy organic bird. They assured me I could return them even tho I have never returned food before. Low and behold the other Whole Foods did have a larger bird and agreed to let me exchange them. Great I said “I’m on my way!”

I had picked up my younger son and knew I had a small window of time before the bus arrived. So we stopped to get this self inflicted turkey fiasco under control.

Well here comes the yang! After the best day and way too much happiness the year old tantrum bomb is ignited and this was epic. Putting his cowboy boots on him was apparently as painful as jalapeño juice in your eye and genitals. This sent the human into a full blow screaming fit of rage which I wanted to record so badly but it was not safe. He went snow angel on me in the middle of the concrete parking lot.

I was calm and tried to wrangle him but then went limp noodle and the siren screams alarmed all shoppers. I should have just gotten back into the car but I persevered. I lugged a shoeless toddler and 2 petite Diestle turkeys back to Whole Foods. We walked in to a LOT of judgey McJudgersons which is always a treat.

Then he starts to wail about the Christmas tree display at the entrance. He was mad that I didnt stop and admire it with him. Then we get to the customer service desk where a woman offers him some free fruit to try and help appease him but to no avail he responds with shrill screams and shotgun tears of obvious mistreatment.

Then the purse. He spies an adorned and embroidered magenta purple clutch that apparently he just had to add to his wardrobe and wouldn’t let it go.

I made my way back to the deli and found the man I talked to on the phone. We moved away from other customers and I accidentally knocked into a display of fresh herbs (sage, rosemary and thyme) and they fell and spilled all over the floor. I’m holding back tears at this point. The tantrum is still continuing. I get the turkey and back to customer service to make the exchange. He continues on about the purse all the way to the car. I’m defeated, Exhausted and reminded.

Ya, ya, ya first world problems I know, don’t get me wrong I’m all the things #thankful #grateful #blessed but that doesn’t make the experience of dismantling a human grenade any easier.

I guess the truth is we have to have the yang to appreciate the ying or visa versa. So for that, I love it, all the ups and downs, the light and the dark.

To me being thankful means understanding what really matters and feeling happy for the simple moments that end up meaning the most in life.

So take the ying with the yang and always remember to look at the happy side of life. because it is over in a blink and before long I will be missing those nights together with my boys in the bunk beds and thinking I hear my babies crying only to find an empty nest.

Thanks for reading.
Xoxo
Just Happy Mommy

Respect the stay at home mom 

2 Comments

I’m a stay at home mom. I went back to work after I had our first son in 2012. I pumped at work and hired an amazing nanny who is still in our lives. She is so special to our family, so much so that, our son was her ring bearer. A few months after going back to work I decided to quit and stay home to raise our son.
This was NOT our plan. This decision crippled our marriage. The financial strain took its toll on my husband and the resentment became suffocating. We didn’t respect each other. I consumed myself with our baby and chose to ignore the giant elephant in the room.


So what did we do? Go to church, plug along and then try to have another baby of course! As I have explained in one of my earlier posts The D Word. We love each other so much but we got lost and tired and quit trying to communicate. I joke around with my hashtags for anyone that follows me on social media. #weactuallyloveachother or #ireallydolikehim

Before it was more like we coexisted and for the sake of our kids and pride we put up with all the bullshit and tough times without really dealing with the problem. RESPECT!
Now we don’t sugar coat. We tell each other what is up. With men they have no gray area. Women we are all sorts of gray. Better to be black and white and leave NO room for gray. The gray is what grows and becomes the troublesome elephant 🐘 you can’t avoid.


I felt like such a bitch but honestly I learned that expecting him to read my mind made it worse for me. Instead of “no honey I will do it” and then resenting him for not offering I ask for help and say “Actually can you mail that, can you take him to soccer, can you pick up the wine and No I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Oddly enlightening it made him understand and respect me more when I admitted I needed him, couldn’t do it all and said no.
I’m so happy that we are closer than ever. We send each other funny texts. Share with each other and genuinely want to hangout.

Relationships are hard. The longer you stay in that negative place the harder it is to get out of it.
So now to point of my post. This week has been an eye opener to say the least. I had to report for jury duty. As a stay at home mom my initial thought is NO WAY is this gonna work! Who’s gonna help me take over my job? I will tell you who, Daddy and Meme. I am so thankful for my mom. She is my guardian angel and helps us so much! Daddy was a super trooper but after day 4 he was ready to shit the proverbial brick.

My babies were clearly pissed at me. The house is a wreck. And I think my older one may start a hunger strike soon. I can’t tell you how many times hubby texted me “are you done? This sucks! Ready to get back to our schedule. And my favorite Mommy is not going back to work.”


Also I can’t tell you how many people said to me “Oh you’re just a stay at home mom.”

Wow! That word “Just.”
That’s like saying “oh you’re just a piece of shit.”

Even though jury duty was pretty much an exhausting, eye opening, nerve wracking and somewhat tourtous experience I have looked at it as a blessing.

I know my boys love me but man alive this really hit them all pretty hard. Wait what?! “Where’s mommy go?!” The got a reality check and realization that “wow mommy does a LOT!” Even though it was only 4 days 8-5 the feeling of appreciation, respect and love flooded over me tonight. My boys were fighting over which one I would hold and cuddle next. Needless to say I am very happy and thankful to be home.


Now this is not to say going to work is better or worse. It’s just different. Each choice comes with a set of challenges. There is nothing like a mothers love. When you get sad what does your heart yearn for? Most people would say my mom.

I have met people from every walk of life. No ones job is more or less important than another. If anything this time in history tells us that we are all equal. Next week everyone has one vote. 18, 93, man, woman, gay, married, mother, transgender etc. No ones vote counts more than another.
I am raising the future. I take pride in what I do. I am thankful that I am able to take care of my family. I am privileged.
The world around us needs to respect ✊🏻
The lack of love, communication and respect is the demise of any relationship. It truly breaks my heart.
We need to love ourselves, our partners, children, family and friends. Sometimes the people that are the hardest to love, need the most love. I have mentioned my daily devotional that I read. “Jesus Calling.” This last passage spoke to my heart and helped me see the bigger picture.

We all have obstacles. We all have shit. I love my family more than anything. I just know that my happy place is at home taking care of my boys. I enjoy, Love and I’m proud to be a stay at home mom.
Xoxo
Just happy mommy

Respect the Stay At Home Mom

2 Comments

I’m a stay at home mom. I went back to work after I had our first son in 2012. I pumped at work and hired an amazing nanny who is still in our lives. She is so special to our family, so much so that, our son was her ring bearer. A few months after going back to work I decided to quit and stay home to raise our son.
This was NOT our plan. This decision crippled our marriage. The financial strain took its toll on my husband and the resentment became suffocating. We didn’t respect each other. I consumed myself with our baby and chose to ignore the giant elephant in the room.


So what did we do? Go to church, plug along and then try to have another baby of course! As I have explained in one of my earlier posts The D Word.

The D Word

We love each other so much but we got lost and tired and quit trying to communicate. I joke around with my hashtags for anyone that follows me on social media. #weactuallyloveachother or #ireallydolikehim

Before it was more like we coexisted and for the sake of our kids and pride we put up with all the bullshit and tough times without really dealing with the problem. RESPECT!
Now we don’t sugar coat. We tell each other what is up. With men they have no gray area. Women we are all sorts of gray. Better to be black and white and leave NO room for gray. The gray is what grows and becomes the troublesome elephant 🐘 you can’t avoid.


I felt like such a bitch but honestly I learned that expecting him to read my mind made it worse for me. Instead of “no honey I will do it” and then resenting him for not offering I ask for help and say “Actually can you mail that, can you take him to soccer, can you pick up the wine and No I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Oddly enlightening it made him understand and respect me more when I admitted I needed him, couldn’t do it all and said no.
I’m so happy that we are closer than ever. We send each other funny texts. Share with each other and genuinely want to hangout.

Relationships are hard. The longer you stay in that negative place the harder it is to get out of it.
So now to point of my post. This week has been an eye opener to say the least. I had to report for jury duty. As a stay at home mom my initial thought is NO WAY is this gonna work! Who’s gonna help me take over my job? I will tell you who, Daddy and Meme. I am so thankful for my mom. She is my guardian angel and helps us so much! Daddy was a super trooper but after day 4 he was ready to shit the proverbial brick.

My babies were clearly pissed at me. The house is a wreck. And I think my older one may start a hunger strike soon. I can’t tell you how many times hubby texted me “are you done? This sucks! Ready to get back to our schedule. And my favorite Mommy is not going back to work.”


Also I can’t tell you how many people said to me “Oh you’re just a stay at home mom.”

Wow! That word “Just.”
That’s like saying “oh you’re just a piece of shit.”

Even though jury duty was pretty much an exhausting, eye opening, nerve wracking and somewhat tortuous experience I have looked at it as a blessing.

I know my boys love me but man alive this really hit them all pretty hard. Wait what?! “Where’s mommy go?!” The got a reality check and realization that “wow mommy does a LOT!” Even though it was only 4 days 8-5 the feeling of appreciation, respect and love flooded over me tonight. My boys were fighting over which one I would hold and cuddle next. Needless to say I am very happy and thankful to be home.


Now this is not to say going to work is better or worse. It’s just different. Each choice comes with a set of challenges. There is nothing like a mothers love. When you get sad what does your heart yearn for? Most people would say my mom.

I have met people from every walk of life. No ones job is more or less important than another. If anything this time in history tells us that we are all equal. Next week everyone has one vote. 18, 93, man, woman, gay, married, mother, transgender etc. No ones vote counts more than another.
I am raising the future. I take pride in what I do. I am thankful that I am able to take care of my family. I am privileged.
The world around us needs to respect ✊🏻
The lack of love, communication and respect is the demise of any relationship. It truly breaks my heart.
We need to love ourselves, our partners, children, family and friends. Sometimes the people that are the hardest to love, need the most love. I have mentioned my daily devotional that I read. “Jesus Calling.” This last passage spoke to my heart and helped me see the bigger picture.

We all have obstacles. We all have shit. I love my family more than anything. I just know that my happy place is at home taking care of my boys. Even when I have to wipe butts and get beaten with lightsabers and clean up messes ALL DAY LONG! I enjoy, Love and I’m proud to be a stay at home mom.
Xoxo
Just happy mommy

Welcome Back to Just Happy Mommy!

Welcome Back to Just Happy Mommy!

I am so excited to unveil my new website! After a couple of months of not posting and several meetings with our amazing website and marketing friend Chance Hawkins. Our labor of love is now delievered to my loving fans and readers!

Thank you to my husband who invested in my blog and believes in me. I would have quit if it were not for his love and support. Spending more time together and really being there for one another has brought us closer than ever.

So since I always promise to keep it real, many of you are probably wondering why I took a little break and didn’t post for 2 months. Well there are a lot of reasons and a lot of excuses, all of which are very real and personal. I also did not want to post half ass work. I wanted it to be good and meaninful. I decided not to just throw some junk up because my calendar said so.

The saddest and most heartbreaking reason I stopped writing because we have been dealing with so many health issues in my family. Both of our sons have been sick this past month but even more so it has been the daily struggle of seeing my sister in pain and wanting her to get better. Also my 93 year old grandmother has had 2 of 3 surgeries on her heart and is having her aortic valve replaced tomorrow. (Prayers and positive vibes always appreicated) The fear, anxiety and stress that it causes our the entire family as been imense. When you have a grandparent, parent, sibling, spouse or child that is sick, your entire life stops. My mom always says “Life gets in the way when you are busy making plans.” Well isnt that the truth for my amazingly strong family?! We are all blessed in so many ways and we have faith in God and trust in his plan. For me tho it was almost too much to share at the time. I was struggling with my depression and although I felt the need to share, I was exhausted and unsure.

After some soul searching, prayer and getting my sexy back I feel confident to share with you all. We all have shit going on. My stuff is not more important than anyone elses. I just know that in my past posts it has connected me with other people to let them know its ok. Life sucks sometimes. It is ok to not always feel #blessed. I am stronger today than I ever thought I would be. I am being tested and even though I feel like I will break, I just bend a little more and look at my babies sweet sleeping faces and know it is all worth it  to be with them.

I have explained that fear and anxiety are my cryptonite. Once you let them creep in they can take over not only your mind but your body and paralyze you. To people who suffer or know someone who suffers from depression or anxiety it is real and it sucks. Thankfully I surround myself with people who know me inside and out and reassure me that I am kicking ass at life. We all need a cheerleader. Even my cheerleaders need a cheerleader. Being genuine and asking how someone is doing can make a difference. Checking on someone, sending a gift, text or even making a call to someone can turn things around.

The second reason I took a break stems from this fear and anxiety. My husaband and I have recently become estranged from his dad and stepmom.  Back in July I wrote a blog about Racism and how it affected my family.

https://justhappymommy.com/2016/07/08/how-do-we-teach-our-children-about-racism-today/

Unfortuately 4 sentences in this post upset someone. I stated in my first blog post ever that I promised to offend someone.   I know that by writing a blog you will always have people that disagree with you. Never in my dreams did I think that it would be someone who shared my last name and tear my family apart. I am actually shaking writing this to you. I will be sharing these details in a later post.

The first ammendment right to freedom of speech is one that I hold dear. If you do NOT like my blog do NOT read it. Simple. Done. But for those of you that enjoy my writing this incident has now fueled me to continue to share. I am reminded daily rthat the journey of life and motherhood is never easy but we have to remember to be true to ourselves, shake them haters off and be JUST HAPPY!

I am so excited to share with you!

Please subscribe and follow me on Instagram, FaceBook, SnapChat & Twitter

Here are just a few things I am working on! Be sure to tune in!

  • EASY DIY Halloween Costumes LIVE on NBC KJRH Wednesday October 26 @ 11am
  • Coulrophobia: The Fear of Clowns
  • 2x’s the Birthday party fun (with a speical giveaway!)
  • Our Food Allergy Journey Update
  • Isn’t It Ironic 368 days ago
  • Hair VLOG tutorial

XOXO

Just Happy Mommy

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https://justhappymommy.com/2014/12/31/my-first-blog-post-ever/

 

 

“It’s Kristy bitch & I’m back!”

2 Comments

I was taught “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” But what if that deafening silence speaks volumes? 
I haven’t posted on my blog in over a month. I have felt really down because of some very sad and personal things going on in my family. Unfortunately this drama has caused stress to some relationships.  
So if I can’t say something nice I shouldn’t say anything at all right?! Well I am not going to perpetuate hate but my deafening silence has now come to an end and I am ready share my latest volumes with you. I finally decided to stop being afraid and continue to be me. 
Unedited, unfiltered, unapologetic and real!!! I am strong! I will bend but I will NOT break! 

I’m not perfect. No one is. Only God can judge me. My support system is amazing and I thank them all for helping me, believing in me and lifting me up when I felt so down. 

I love blogging! I know it when I write something good. I can feel it in my gut, my heart, and my nerves. It is almost like a giddy nervous feeling before I post. Sounds stupid to some but I’m so passionate about my writing that it feels like sharing a gift. I share myself, my life and experiences to connect with people. 

I realize that there will forever be haters. It’s really easy just don’t read my blog. Haters are now my fuel to drive my blog into the eyes of readers. 

Seriously tho, I know my blog isn’t a big deal. But hey, I believe in it and I know it has personally touched some people. It is terrifying to share some things (marriage counseling, mental health issues etc.) but once I do it makes me feel happy and free. It is always nice to relate to someone who is brave enough to share right?!

I’m excited to share some of my highest highs and the lowest lows and all the fun stuff in between. I will be unveiling my new website very soon! I think you will like my upgrades. So please be sure to look for my new posts! I have some exciting news and I will be doing some fun giveaways! 
It’s Kristy bitch & I’m back!

Xoxo

Just happy mommy 

I already miss those days 

I have been slacking on my blog because I am in survival mode. Since Back to School! I don’t know about you, but my “To Do List” is getting longer and longer by the day. I’m Realizing how much time it takes to do all this MOMMING and it is hardcore. I am used to easy breezy maybe-we-wear-pants-maybe-we-leave-the-house-maybe-we-eat-cake-for-breakfast type of days. 

We are all getting in the swing of things. I know it takes time. I am realizing that I am officially a SAHM (stay at home mom.) Now big brother goes 5 days, all day and my littlest just started school, 3 days, 1/2 day, so I get 7.5 glorious hours of “me” time a week. 
But, this whole getting up early, making breakfast, making lunches, getting me and the boys dressed, shoes on, teeth brushed, sippy cups in hand, and lovies out the door for school before 8am has me thrown for a loop. Just typing that makes me tired and want to drink another cup of coffee. 
But for now, I can accomplish 3 things between 9-2:30pm. Workout, eat and take a nap. MAYBE on a good day I will shower, or run to the store, or work on the computer. But if you have kids in a 1/2 day school or MDO that’s it! You are killing it at life if you have been on any or all of these levels!

The Five Levels of Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom


1.) The Go Getter! 

This positive attitude usually happens in the beginning of the week. Let’s go workout, get coffee, run errands and work on the house during nap time and even pre-plan dinner. I have never made it past Wednesday in this mode.

2.) The “Hey at least I…” 

This is like “hey I got one thing done today” and I’m pretty proud of myself so I’m going to treat my self to bathing and maybe even blow drying my hair. Sounds ridic right?!?! Wrong! Sometimes I haven’t washed my hair in a week (disgusting) but not even dry shampoo, deodorant and Chanel can help me. Straight scrub. 


3.) I have zero Fs to give! 

I’m tired and all I want to do is pray for a fairy maid mother and take a nap because I know what’s still waiting for me when I get up. A dirty house, laundry to fold, butts to wipe, and a million unread emails. So usually I chose to watch some bravo on dvr, eat any cheese or potato product available in the house, and take a nap. 


4.) What am I doing?

Let’s do a million activities and not accomplish anything. Play dates, birthday parties, grocery shopping, and going thru a drive thru. You’re busy. Sometimes too busy to even want to do the shit you said you were gonna do. This is exhausting. 

5.) Breaking point.

Mommy needs a break. When you do get a REAL break, enjoy it. Then you feel guilty, miss your kids, come home to chaos, and want to run back to the car. Being a parent is insanity. Expecting different results while doing the same thing over and over again. 


Ok peanut gallery I hear you all in my head. Get help! Hire a babysitter! Don’t be a stay at home mom! Go back to work! Stop bitching! Order everything online! Use a delivery service. You need time management and organizational classes. How about FU!?!?


Some people are cut from a magical cloth that allows them to run on little sleep, have energy like the energizer bunny and look bananas. I’m just not cut from that cloth. Thing is I enjoy being lazy. You ask my older son what my favorite thing to do is and without a moments hesitation he will say “SLEEP!”

I’m not hating. I get stuff done. I admire those who can “do it all.” I’m just stuck in the middle of feeling like “Hell ya I’m slaying it and then questioning if I’m sending a healthy enough lunch.” 

So I don’t do anything but pour myself a glass of water I mean wine and curl up in my robe and look at pretty people on Instagram while some TV show is on in the background. It’s called balance. 

Calendars are a full time job. I don’t know about you all, but I haven’t consistently checked my emails for 4 years. The only emails I open are “Your Package has shipped, track it now!”, Taco Bueno, Bath & Body Works, spa packages, and Southwest flights I long book. LOL but seriously! Now, it’s more stressful! Soccer, gymnastics, homework, PTA meetings, date nights, school events, birthdays, football, ETC!!! Do kids not get to be kids anymore? One day we are singing ABC’s, the next we are in line for a tardy slip at age 4. 

After naps and pickup, round 2 begins. The afterschool snack that will ultimately ruin dinner, afterschool activites, homework, baths, books, songs, prayers, and goodnight moon. BAHAHAHA GOTCHA! 

Hello this Just Happy Mommy 

not Bullshit Mommy. 

4 Ways bedtime happens at our house  
1.) Eat it, wash it, brush it, read it, pray it, kiss it, goodnight, lock the door.

2.) Afterschool activity, drive thru dinner, screaming “I’m not tired”, asleep in the car, crying in the bathroom, and pouring them into bed. (Which sounds exactly like a night out drinking in my 20’s, or my last birthday give or take)

3.) We all sit down, eat dinner together with NO TV, peacefully agree to bathe, drink our milk, watch a show together, brush our teeth, read 3 books, sing a song, say our prayers, and turn out the light saying “NO, I love you more.”

4.) Babysitter. You keep them alive. I pay you. 

Yes, I was just bitching about my kids driving me bonkers, but now I miss them and want to have little spy cameras on them. Ages 0-4. Hardest, yet the most control you will EVER have. Everything is harder for me BC I’m a control freak that tries to be chill. Sooo I already miss the days I am waiting to miss. 

The Trace Adkins song is playing in my head “You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back, you’re gonna wish these days didn’t go by so fast, these are the good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now, but you’re gonna miss this.”

Trace Adkins You’re gonna miss this
Oh wait! You mean the days when I used to make my own life choices and didn’t have to be a slave to a calendar? Yes, yes, I miss those. 

Granted, this is my first rodeo. And for my veteran readers, just go ahead and shake your head, sip your wine, and say “ROOKIE” out the side of your mouth. All the new rules and the hustle and bustle has given me and my family a violent shove into “THE REAL WORLD.” And like The Diary of Britney Spears ” You think you know, but you have no idea.” It is true. Like anything in life we do not know what it is like until we actually experience it or live it ourselves.

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy 

Back 2 School Blues 

We all get down on ourselves. We are tired. We look at the to do list and get overwhelmed. With a new school year starting I have been so emotional. Seeing my baby grow-up and walk into his first day of PreK really hit me hard. He was so happy and excited and I lost it as I was leaving the drop off line. Teaching him has been my job until today. Granted he has been going to school since he was 10 months old but now it’s different. It is real school with a drop off and pick up, packed lunch, a cafeteria, recess and all new faces. 

He beams a smile and waves good bye, excited for his new adventure. Meanwhile, baby brother and I lose our shit in the car on the way home. (Yes I’m driving. I know I should not use a phone while moving a motor vehicle.) also I’m an ugly crier and turn the volume down 😩😢😭

​​

I felt so happy, sad, proud and afraid all at the same time as I drove away. Will he be ok? Will he make a friend? Will he eat his food? Will someone bully him? Will he even think about me? Did I do a good job?

So do my emotional episodes mean I have a mental issue? Yes! It is called being a parent! We are all losing our shit at some point. It’s called having a heart beating in your chest. Life is made of peaks and valleys, happy times and sad times. It is not just in parenting. There are ups and downs in marriages, work, friendships and hell even the economy. Point is that we all experience things differently. The only person who can judge us is The Lord. 

Yes I know my life is not over because my baby started PreK. I know, trust me I’m getting over it as I find myself writing this post, because I haven’t had a moments peace in 3 weeks since summer camp ended. But, I just care about my child and I want him to be happy, healthy, thrive and glow. I have been praying for him to have a good day and get in the car with a smile on his face full of stories. 
When you question yourself as a parent it is a natural thing. It means you care. I struggle with my confidence as a mom and then other days I am like “Hell Ya I am a kick ass mom.” “Pound it dog! Booya! and Holler!”

So here it is the first day of school and as I stare at my to do list, laundry, calendar etc. All I want to do is take a shower and a nap before I go get in the HORENDOUS pick up line 30 minutes before I’m charged a $14 fee.  

I know things change. I knew this was happening but actually living it is hard for me. All the new rules, my baby being so independent and being on time is really hard for me LOL. BUT it is good! We thrive in a routine so I am happy that I am being challenged to change. I know its not the end of the world but I do know I’m going to miss this. 

I’m gonna want these hard ass F^&* days back. When no one eats what I make for breakfast, lunch and dinner. When no one listens to me to stop splashing and flooding the bathroom. When I need to kiss the boo boos. When my baby crawls up in my lap and says “Mama hold you.” When the boys no longer let me dress them alike. And when we have rainy days cuddling and doing absolutely nothing and they let me kiss their heads and smell their hair.

Trust me I am taking note to cherish this time. We don’t get a lot of time on this Earth so we have to make each day count. But damn it is hard to be a parent in todays world. 
For now I tell myself.. The monograms can wait. The perfect breakfast, lunch or dinner cannot be made everyday. The organizing, the cleaning and everything I keep talking about will have to wait. 

As “THEY” say “The days are long, but the years are quick.” As I see the calendar fill up I have to stop and think these are the days I will miss. But for today I will sit and write my babies a letter telling them how much I love them. I will take a shower. I will lie down and day dream in my quiet bedroom. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our loved ones is time. Unapologetically I will proudly give myself sometime “Because If Mommy Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy.” 

Since pickup this afternoon he had a great day, made a new friend and learned a song. We had a special afternoon snack, played trains and he helped me cook dinner. After slaving away on dinner, it hits, here comes the meltdown. “I don’t want to eat it! Yuck!” As he’s screaming crying and running around the house losing his exhausted mind. Meanwhile baby brudder is enjoying his special allergy free (gluten, oat, egg, dairy, nut free) lasagna and breaks out in hives. 

Daddy walks thru the door as I’m finishing baby boys bath and dosage of Benadryl. Big boy still whining and saying “eating dinner is so hard and I’m not tired.” I look around at the dishes piled high, laundry covering both couches, toys, cups, trains, Chex and blueberries all over the rug… 

There’s my exit. I poured myself a glass of wine and I’m hiding out in the bathtub right now adding this to the post. 

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, shit is still gonna happen. Just depends if you are gonna pick it up, move on or just sit and cry about said shit. I’m gonna leave this one to daddy. 

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

My editor was not able to correct all my grammar, run on sentences and cussing. Once again if you don’t like my blog don’t read it 😁🖕🏻💋🍷

Heaven in a box 

We all know that kids love big cardboard boxes more than what comes inside of them. My mama keeps a HUGE pottery barn box at her house, and the boys love to play in it. And like most people, especially moms, we get weekly Amazon deliveries. 

This morning we were getting ready and my son said “mommy will you put me in this box so I can go to heaven for a little bit?”

Clearly I was taken aback. As I stood looking at this small Amazon box, I couldn’t help but think, “What if I really had to put him in a box and send him to heaven?” A mother’s worst nightmare. To bury a baby. So I composed myself and said “ok, why do you want to go to heaven?” 

“It’s Pretend. I don’t really want to go there right now.”

Whew. Sheesh. 

Of course every time I have walked by that box today it made me think of heaven. 

A few weeks ago we watched the movie “Miracles from Heaven.” When my husband started playing it one Sunday morning, I told him to turn it off two or three times because I couldn’t handle it. And inducing a panic attack is never fun, but we finished it. 


It touched me in every way. Made me bawl out of control. I felt fear, sadness, and compassion. But most of all, it touched my heart and soul. If you haven’t seen it, the movie is about a very sick little girl and her journey with her mother, who will stop at nothing to help her get well. This movie hit so close to home because it not only parallels my sisters incurable medical conditions, but also the journey my own mama is making with her extremely ill daughter. The comparisons of their stories is really eerie. 

Since then, our 4.5 year old has asked to watch it again saying “I want to see the part where she goes to heaven.” And 
“Mommy are you sad because she is like Aunt Sissy?” “Yes baby it makes me sad.”

We have been teaching the boys to say their prayers before meals and after we read at bedtime since they were very small. Sometimes we forget. But when we do, I can see my boys smile when they say Amen. It makes my heart happy. I wish I had the innocence and blind faith of a little one. But even he is questioning me “Why won’t God heal Aunt Sissy? Is she going to die?” I respond with “I don’t know baby but we have to pray and trust that she will get better.” He says “It’s ok, I will make her better. I’m her doctor.” 

This video was taken a year ago and I still love to hear his little voice and his prayer 

“Jesus heal Aunt sissy and make her better. Guard me Jesus through the night wake me with the morning light. Amen”

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I know I need to “leave it to God, He’s got this.” I try so hard to keep my faith and believe in his plan. But my faith is wavering. After 8 years of severe health issues and suffering, when will she get better? Even though she is still present, she has no quality of life and each day, week, and month, she’s getting worse! All of our minds are reeling out of control with a million scenarios and questions. Her strength, fearlessness and grace impress me daily.

Why won’t He heal my sissy? Why is she getting worse? What can I do? Where do we go? Who do we see? How to we give her comfort? 

Visiting her twice a week at the hematology lab is the saddest place I have ever been. Seeing people so sad, sick, and tired getting pumped full of drugs, blood, or even poison is hard to see. I could not imagine. But you know what Sissy does? She goes in with a cute outfit, makeup, and a smile and she befriends everyone. She brings other people treats and writes hand written thank you notes. She journals and keeps a calendar, and of course keeps track of all her medications and issues. Being sick is a full time job that no one, she or anyone else, wants. I could not imagine what she is going thru. Her health and wellness is our number one priority. The good news is she doesn’t have to go at it alone. 

This was last week when we got to sneak little buddy to see my sissy at hematology. We played I spy while she got her potassium infusion. 


One of my best friends sent me my first devotional when I was in the throes of my postpartum depression and it has been such a special gift. Jesus calling. 

I decided to pay it forward and gift it to my mama and another bestie. The daily message is to trust in the Lord with all your heart and listen when Jesus is calling you. This book has helped my mama, who has the strongest faith of anyone I know. I admire her. The love, strength, and courage she has is amazing. She inspires me to enjoy all of the hugs, kisses, and “Mommy I love you’s”, and restores my faith in God. 

We are praying for a miracle to save Sissy. No one deserves to live in such pain and misery. So we will adjust. We will keep praying. Enjoying laughing together. Make plans and celebrate what we can. Holding on to all of the “some days” and never stop dreaming of a better tomorrow. 

Waiting for our Miracles from Heaven. 


Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy

The Music of my life 

The music of my life is the sound of my boys laughing, running and playing. 

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Last week I really put myself out there by sharing a controversial, important, and timely topic. Racism.

How do we teach our children about racism today? 

Like I explained in my first blog post; I promise to offend someone. Well this post unfortunately sparked some anger, sadness, and confusion.

At first I had a panic attack. Then I realized that I would stand by my words as my constitutional right to freedom of speech. Also, as previously mentioned, if you don’t like my blog, don’t read it.

 My First Blog Post Ever

So instead of backing down and being a coward, I choose to continue writing. And to those who have supported me along the way, thank you. I know haters are gonna hate.

I have been listening to this song a lot lately, and it just spoke to me.

“The delusions in our heads are gonna bring us to our knees.
So come on let it go
Just let it be
Why don’t you be you and I’ll be me
Everything that’s broke leave it to the breeze.” – James Bay

Remembering the Beatles mentality:
“All you need is love,
Love is all you need” – The Beatles

Sometimes we just need to chill out, and let the small things go. We don’t have to conform, but agree to disagree.

My parents grew up peace loving hippie kids, and my dad taught me pretty much everything about music. He would drive around and listen to the Beatles, CSN, Pink Floyd, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, and countless others. I grew up during the invention of the CD! He would take me to sound warehouse and let me choose an album. My first CD single was Loser by Beck.

My dad always had a story that went along with an album, and how the beautiful, powerful, and often controversial words moved his generation. I need to take a car ride with my daddy down memory music lane. It is a beautiful connection, and one that I think of often. 

Music has always been a huge part of my life. A song can transcend you to a point in time, and bring you to your knees, bring tears of joy, give you chills, and touch that place in your heart where the deepest love lives.

Why do you think everyone dreams of being a rockstar?! Because you can touch someone with your gift, and help change someone for the better. Exercise your creativity, and get paid to do it? Um ya let’s do that.

I see that love of music in my brother. His passion is as electric as his guitar. Like me, he too was once shy about his gifts. Once he embraced his fear, he opened like a rose. The sound he gave off was so sweet. I am so proud of him for following his dreams. I know that even tho he’s in a corporate job right now, he will be fulfilled with his music and continue to create lyrics and music for his generation. Check out his video below! His smile at the end is my faves. 

Philip PJ Eller Jr. Compass of love acoustic YouTube video
Love fuels love
There are over 2 million blog posts everyday! How does one get attention over the others? When it ignites or stirs the fire inside of us.

I hope that my boys are proud of my writing. I do this for them, after all. Life is not about the perfect moments. It’s about learning from the messy ones and creating our own character. Someday I pray that my children will embrace their differences and enjoy the music of life around them.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

How was your day?!

When do I have time to blog? Well today I was Blogging in the car, in the open garage with sleeping babies and air conditioner on full blast, burning oil and burning money! Haha! This is when I have time to regurgitate my mommy adventures. 
Yes I’m eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch! 👊🏻

When it’s this hot in Oklahoma anything under 70° is unbearable to me and my family. We avoid the outdoors, using the dryer and oven unless it’s before noon or after 9 PM. 
Target should be paying me. I go there anywhere from 1-3 times a week! Last week we decided to have a Play date @ Target bc it’s 97 -100 degrees every afternoon and bc we have already exhausted other options at 3pm. 
On Monday I had to get the boys school snack and I of course thought I had it all stashed away ready to go but no it was 1/2 eaten. So off to the red store we go @ 8:30am. The Red card saves money The Self checkout line does not save time with 2 kids in tow. As we were hurrying thru the checkout I keep hearing that ladies voice:

“Please place your item in the bagging area.” 🙄Then

 

“Please wait for assistance.” 🙄
This happened at least 3 more times bc my happy helper isn’t really helping. 😁 
Then I hear “Oh that Poor baby must be starving.” I turn around to look and see him shoveling handfuls of veggie straws into his mouth at 8:45am. I wanted to hiss back at this target employee 

“Really bitch?! Well he just ate a gluten free organic waffle with 2 organic grass fed sausages covered in an organic maple syrup & agave blend with vanilla coconut milk, so ya he’s starving.” I didn’t say this obvi but I’m saying it now LOL. 
Next up blind bags. What are they you ask?! They are tiny piece of shit toys that ends with “you can collect them all!” My kids are an advertisers dream. Everything is “mom we can collect them all!” Um NO we can’t. 

Well if you beg and bug your mom enough, until she screams “Fine!” Then you get them. At least they are like $1.50-3 but they are also a chocking hazard and hurt like a MFer if stepped on. He learned about these things from KidsYouTube which is basically videos of other kids and creepy grown ass adults opening these blind bags, toys and candy. Seriously it’s absolutely insane that these videos have millions of views. My initial thought was cool a YouTube especially for kids he can watch Thomas, Paw Patrol etc. NO! Don’t get sucked in. It’s a terrible choice. Advertisers dream! 
This one has 74MILLION views I guess I’m the dumbass 
Blind bag and candy egg YouTube
 

Jim Gaffigan is probably one of my favorite people on the planet other than my family and friends. I love him and actually encounter most of the things he talks about in his books. Sunday I slept in my sons twin bed bc he fell asleep with daddy. He then woke up about 6 AM to sleep with me. I woke up and realized he had Peed the bed. I woke up wet. I was so tired I rolled over and thought its not that bad on this side. 😝

Jim Gaffigan Mr Universe
Next, Breaking things in stores it happens but it’s usually my fault and not the kids. We were leaving the Starbucks area of Target and my diaper bag hit the display and shattered a glass French press☕️🙈. Again while at hobby lobby a woman said excuse me and ended up backing her back end into an entire glass display of yard gnomes and chachkeys and half of it shattered all over the floor. 
Finally my social media rant. It’s a love hate relationship with this addiction. 

My Instagram feed sends me mixed messages. The photos of food and perfectly staged beverages make me want to eat everything. Then the next pic says but use this to stay skinny and wear this bc we never have enough. It’s so annoying bc I too am an advertisers dream. I love to shop. Grocery shop, home decor, clothing, shoes, you name it I can find a reason. Again you can convince yourself you need it because it’s pretty and some unconscious part of your brain was a victim to perfect product placement. 

Also it’s so annoying when I see the pretty sparkle “be thankful for today” script. I am thankful for today. I love my family, my boys and all that I have and all that I am. I’m just not thankful for the flooded bathroom floor or $1,000 car repairs. I’m not thankful for poopy swim diapers at the pool or that my sister sits at the Hemotology lab by herself 6 hours a week. #Blessed. BTW when I #blessed I’m totally sarcastic. I know it could be worse. Duh I’m not 6 feet under and my kids are baby models. 


So yesterday after camp, lunch, nap/quiet time I really wanted a sno cone and to bring my sissy one. So we went to get shaved ice and then swimming at Meme and Poppys. We had a blast. Come home eat dinner, watch Zootopia and then as I’m laying back on the new clean sheets of the twin bed I ask him “what was your favorite part of the day?” “Nothing,” he says “this is not my best day ever!” #AssholeParent
So God Bless America the home of the free and the brave.  I Hope you and your family enjoy this most important holiday! 🇺🇸❤️💙🎉
Xoxo

Just happy mommy 


Warning: This content is offensive, so pour yourself a drink and sit back while I lay the smack down 😘😝🍾👊🏻