Category: family

Moms are real life super heroes

Since posting some before and after photos of our home on social media I have had an icky feeling. Kinda like false advertising. The blue paint is called “Salty Dog” and lets just say I deserve one of those cocktails after this week.

Sounds weird but I pride myself on not being one of those fluff bloggers. It is  like “Oh look at my perfectly clean, pretty house,” I will post these pictures so you all can see it on BRAGBOOK and InstaSHAM.

Let me be clear. I love my new home, I am proud of the hard work we paid someone else to do. BUT that is NOT my REAL LIFE! So let me just start out by saying I staged those pictures, I vacuumed, Windexed and tweaked while my little one took a nap. The journey to this place was not without some serious bumps and bruises, physically and emotionally.

I am NOT complaining. I am #thankful, #grateful, #blessed, we all are. Here is the behind the scenes shit most people do not want to tell you happens when you are doing work at your home with 2 young kids.

Where should I begin?

Monday-Tuesday

I get a call at the bus stop, my husband got locked in our son’s bedroom so I ran home to rescue him. Kinda funny but in hind sight totally not!

A/C Tech shows up and nothing is wrong with the units even though the house got to 82 over the weekend. Painters arrive late to start in the living room, entry and dining room. Electrician comes to install new chandelier and Nest Thermostat. All good things.

By the time my husband gets home it is 76 in the house. Hmmm is it the AC or the Thermostat? After an hour with Nest support we got the house to cool back down from 82. All of this sounds stupid and trivial but it needs to be explained to build up the ending of this post. Stay with me.

Wednesday in real time yesterday:

Normal day with a precocious and mischievous almost 3 year old.

He accidentally sprayed hairspray in his eyes while daddy was washing his hair.

He squirted apple sauce on the carpet (happens daily but still annoying).

Poops in the potty and drops one of my rings in the toilet lost in his loose stool. I will save you from posting the picture even tho I totally took one and sent it to a couple of lucky folks. Yep that is me fishing a ring out of diarrhea (apple sauce diet poops).

Getting more coffee, turn around and he has his daddy’s electric drill.

OMG like come on dude. Lets go play and cuddle, read books and draw on your new chalkboard wall. All the while he manages to color himself with the chalk. Go figure. NO NAP!

It’s almost time to go pick up Bubba from the bus stop. Big brother is 5, we have lived in our new house less than 2 months and since he rides the bus I walk him to and from everyday. Getting clothes on my NUDIST baby should be an olympic sport and the winner gets a trophy full of champs. As I am reaching for his undies he says in his cute, little, sweet, voice with a coy, sly smile,

“I locked us.”

NO YOU DID NOT!

nooooooo

OMG it is 3:04pm School gets out at 3:10pm and we live exactly 2 miles from school and 1 block from the bus stop which gives me like 10 minutes to get out of this room in time to get my older son from the bus stop on his 4th day of kindergarten.

OK stay calm. You got this, the painters are downstairs, just scream and they will come unlock the door.

Umm NO! I banged so hard on that door that I rattled the lightbulbs in the ceiling fan to off. Of course I tried to unlock it but this is a LEGIT needs a KEY lock not a use your finger nail or hanger style knob.

I tried not to panic. I was livid, exhausted and scared.

Why couldn’t the painters hear me?

So I decided to open the window and see if anyone of my brand new neighbors might hear me and they could easily walk in the open garage or front door past my ear budded painters and unlock the door. NO ONE is outside or NO ONE hears me. I feel like the dump truck in “The Little Blue Truck,” book “NO BODY HEARD or NO BODY CARED!”

After I climbed back in I called my husband like 3 times, NO answer! Finally I called my painter to call his guys downstairs to come help me. Still nothing.

Should I jump? NO way.

Could I hang on the gutter and do a Christmas Vacation? No that would NOT hold me and cause another home repair.

Could I get low enough to straddle the fence? NO not worth impaling my vaj.

I kept screaming for someone to open the door. I tried to unhinge the door but it would NOT budge.

Call the fire department? WTF are they gonna do? Comin in hot, march up the stairs to unlock a door. NO not this time sorry that is redic. NOT to mention I have had to call the fire department 3 times too many over the last 2 years which we wont discuss right now.

Ok some of you are prolly thinking why did you video this stuff. Mostly because if I told you this story you would not believe me and because my kids are so cute and sweet and blah blah blah.

They are cute and sweet and awesome but they also have these crazy streaks of evil in them that I think is also called a penis, I am not sure, but it drives women insane. They think things are funny that are not funny at all!! Case in point locking people in rooms.

So its 3:17.

I am gonna do it.

I am going to climb out of this window and jump off the roof.

I do NOT have any of the other bus stop moms phone numbers and none of my neighbors, painters down stairs or husband at work are able to help me.

My kindergartener would flip out if I was NOT at the bus stop not to mention how terrible would I feel if I was that mom on day 4 who just did NOT come to the bus stop. Ya Ya Ya I am sure another mom would help him out but I am too prideful and pissed off at this point so I just gonna do it. I start to pray to Jesus. Screaming prayers, thinking out loud, pumping myself up. Land on your feet and your a$$. Land on your feet and your a$$.

1uoeol

I jumped.

I jumped off the F@#$%ing roof.

I did land on my feet and my a$$ but the trajectory also flung my face into the Earth.

I got up immediately and looked to see if I was bleeding. Screaming and running around the back of the house to get my little boy who was still locked in his bedroom.

My painters see my grass covered face fly up the stairs and ask if I am ok. I went dark side of the moon scary on them.

“NO I AM NOT PHUCKING OKAY! I JUST JUMPED OFF THE ROOF. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Think about the rage Regina George felt when she found out about the Kalteen bars.

regina

I get my baby out of the room and start to the bus stop. The painters are afraid for their lives as they should be. I went straight LOCO.

One of them gives me that “bitch is cray,” look and I said “oh don’t worry I am just fine. I just jumped off the BLEEEEEPig roof because none of you could “hear” me you ass hat.”

What is worse?

Getting locked in a room with NO ONE home?

….or someone home that doesn’t come to help you?

…or a child that thinks it is funny when mommy jumps out the window?

I am fine. I finally got my son at the bus stop after being a total hot mess at the bus stop. Somehow I was ok. Shaken, livid, and in shock…. but we all got home and went straight up stairs until daddy got home.

So you see, the pictures you see on BRAGBOOK AND INSTASHAM are just that, a fascade that we all like to imagine our lives being. So remember when you are looking through someone else’s perfectly Windexed window, know that there many be a real shit show going on behind those walls that is usually never told.

My husband always says “I do NOT know how you do it. I would jump through a window after taking care of these crazies.”

Well honey, now I can say I jumped off the roof and lived to tell about it. The boys now believe that I am a real life super hero. They call me Spider Mommy.

XOXO

Just Happy Mommy

PS I will be doing another post about all the different items in our home. Paint, furniture, accessories with all the links as soon as I can.

PSS NO ONE was hurt during this time so please refrain from mom shaming and finally being offended is a waste of time. OK BYE 🙂

 

 

Respect the stay at home mom 

2 Comments

I’m a stay at home mom. I went back to work after I had our first son in 2012. I pumped at work and hired an amazing nanny who is still in our lives. She is so special to our family, so much so that, our son was her ring bearer. A few months after going back to work I decided to quit and stay home to raise our son.
This was NOT our plan. This decision crippled our marriage. The financial strain took its toll on my husband and the resentment became suffocating. We didn’t respect each other. I consumed myself with our baby and chose to ignore the giant elephant in the room.


So what did we do? Go to church, plug along and then try to have another baby of course! As I have explained in one of my earlier posts The D Word. We love each other so much but we got lost and tired and quit trying to communicate. I joke around with my hashtags for anyone that follows me on social media. #weactuallyloveachother or #ireallydolikehim

Before it was more like we coexisted and for the sake of our kids and pride we put up with all the bullshit and tough times without really dealing with the problem. RESPECT!
Now we don’t sugar coat. We tell each other what is up. With men they have no gray area. Women we are all sorts of gray. Better to be black and white and leave NO room for gray. The gray is what grows and becomes the troublesome elephant 🐘 you can’t avoid.


I felt like such a bitch but honestly I learned that expecting him to read my mind made it worse for me. Instead of “no honey I will do it” and then resenting him for not offering I ask for help and say “Actually can you mail that, can you take him to soccer, can you pick up the wine and No I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Oddly enlightening it made him understand and respect me more when I admitted I needed him, couldn’t do it all and said no.
I’m so happy that we are closer than ever. We send each other funny texts. Share with each other and genuinely want to hangout.

Relationships are hard. The longer you stay in that negative place the harder it is to get out of it.
So now to point of my post. This week has been an eye opener to say the least. I had to report for jury duty. As a stay at home mom my initial thought is NO WAY is this gonna work! Who’s gonna help me take over my job? I will tell you who, Daddy and Meme. I am so thankful for my mom. She is my guardian angel and helps us so much! Daddy was a super trooper but after day 4 he was ready to shit the proverbial brick.

My babies were clearly pissed at me. The house is a wreck. And I think my older one may start a hunger strike soon. I can’t tell you how many times hubby texted me “are you done? This sucks! Ready to get back to our schedule. And my favorite Mommy is not going back to work.”


Also I can’t tell you how many people said to me “Oh you’re just a stay at home mom.”

Wow! That word “Just.”
That’s like saying “oh you’re just a piece of shit.”

Even though jury duty was pretty much an exhausting, eye opening, nerve wracking and somewhat tourtous experience I have looked at it as a blessing.

I know my boys love me but man alive this really hit them all pretty hard. Wait what?! “Where’s mommy go?!” The got a reality check and realization that “wow mommy does a LOT!” Even though it was only 4 days 8-5 the feeling of appreciation, respect and love flooded over me tonight. My boys were fighting over which one I would hold and cuddle next. Needless to say I am very happy and thankful to be home.


Now this is not to say going to work is better or worse. It’s just different. Each choice comes with a set of challenges. There is nothing like a mothers love. When you get sad what does your heart yearn for? Most people would say my mom.

I have met people from every walk of life. No ones job is more or less important than another. If anything this time in history tells us that we are all equal. Next week everyone has one vote. 18, 93, man, woman, gay, married, mother, transgender etc. No ones vote counts more than another.
I am raising the future. I take pride in what I do. I am thankful that I am able to take care of my family. I am privileged.
The world around us needs to respect ✊🏻
The lack of love, communication and respect is the demise of any relationship. It truly breaks my heart.
We need to love ourselves, our partners, children, family and friends. Sometimes the people that are the hardest to love, need the most love. I have mentioned my daily devotional that I read. “Jesus Calling.” This last passage spoke to my heart and helped me see the bigger picture.

We all have obstacles. We all have shit. I love my family more than anything. I just know that my happy place is at home taking care of my boys. I enjoy, Love and I’m proud to be a stay at home mom.
Xoxo
Just happy mommy

Respect the Stay At Home Mom

2 Comments

I’m a stay at home mom. I went back to work after I had our first son in 2012. I pumped at work and hired an amazing nanny who is still in our lives. She is so special to our family, so much so that, our son was her ring bearer. A few months after going back to work I decided to quit and stay home to raise our son.
This was NOT our plan. This decision crippled our marriage. The financial strain took its toll on my husband and the resentment became suffocating. We didn’t respect each other. I consumed myself with our baby and chose to ignore the giant elephant in the room.


So what did we do? Go to church, plug along and then try to have another baby of course! As I have explained in one of my earlier posts The D Word.

The D Word

We love each other so much but we got lost and tired and quit trying to communicate. I joke around with my hashtags for anyone that follows me on social media. #weactuallyloveachother or #ireallydolikehim

Before it was more like we coexisted and for the sake of our kids and pride we put up with all the bullshit and tough times without really dealing with the problem. RESPECT!
Now we don’t sugar coat. We tell each other what is up. With men they have no gray area. Women we are all sorts of gray. Better to be black and white and leave NO room for gray. The gray is what grows and becomes the troublesome elephant 🐘 you can’t avoid.


I felt like such a bitch but honestly I learned that expecting him to read my mind made it worse for me. Instead of “no honey I will do it” and then resenting him for not offering I ask for help and say “Actually can you mail that, can you take him to soccer, can you pick up the wine and No I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Oddly enlightening it made him understand and respect me more when I admitted I needed him, couldn’t do it all and said no.
I’m so happy that we are closer than ever. We send each other funny texts. Share with each other and genuinely want to hangout.

Relationships are hard. The longer you stay in that negative place the harder it is to get out of it.
So now to point of my post. This week has been an eye opener to say the least. I had to report for jury duty. As a stay at home mom my initial thought is NO WAY is this gonna work! Who’s gonna help me take over my job? I will tell you who, Daddy and Meme. I am so thankful for my mom. She is my guardian angel and helps us so much! Daddy was a super trooper but after day 4 he was ready to shit the proverbial brick.

My babies were clearly pissed at me. The house is a wreck. And I think my older one may start a hunger strike soon. I can’t tell you how many times hubby texted me “are you done? This sucks! Ready to get back to our schedule. And my favorite Mommy is not going back to work.”


Also I can’t tell you how many people said to me “Oh you’re just a stay at home mom.”

Wow! That word “Just.”
That’s like saying “oh you’re just a piece of shit.”

Even though jury duty was pretty much an exhausting, eye opening, nerve wracking and somewhat tortuous experience I have looked at it as a blessing.

I know my boys love me but man alive this really hit them all pretty hard. Wait what?! “Where’s mommy go?!” The got a reality check and realization that “wow mommy does a LOT!” Even though it was only 4 days 8-5 the feeling of appreciation, respect and love flooded over me tonight. My boys were fighting over which one I would hold and cuddle next. Needless to say I am very happy and thankful to be home.


Now this is not to say going to work is better or worse. It’s just different. Each choice comes with a set of challenges. There is nothing like a mothers love. When you get sad what does your heart yearn for? Most people would say my mom.

I have met people from every walk of life. No ones job is more or less important than another. If anything this time in history tells us that we are all equal. Next week everyone has one vote. 18, 93, man, woman, gay, married, mother, transgender etc. No ones vote counts more than another.
I am raising the future. I take pride in what I do. I am thankful that I am able to take care of my family. I am privileged.
The world around us needs to respect ✊🏻
The lack of love, communication and respect is the demise of any relationship. It truly breaks my heart.
We need to love ourselves, our partners, children, family and friends. Sometimes the people that are the hardest to love, need the most love. I have mentioned my daily devotional that I read. “Jesus Calling.” This last passage spoke to my heart and helped me see the bigger picture.

We all have obstacles. We all have shit. I love my family more than anything. I just know that my happy place is at home taking care of my boys. Even when I have to wipe butts and get beaten with lightsabers and clean up messes ALL DAY LONG! I enjoy, Love and I’m proud to be a stay at home mom.
Xoxo
Just happy mommy

I already miss those days 

I have been slacking on my blog because I am in survival mode. Since Back to School! I don’t know about you, but my “To Do List” is getting longer and longer by the day. I’m Realizing how much time it takes to do all this MOMMING and it is hardcore. I am used to easy breezy maybe-we-wear-pants-maybe-we-leave-the-house-maybe-we-eat-cake-for-breakfast type of days. 

We are all getting in the swing of things. I know it takes time. I am realizing that I am officially a SAHM (stay at home mom.) Now big brother goes 5 days, all day and my littlest just started school, 3 days, 1/2 day, so I get 7.5 glorious hours of “me” time a week. 
But, this whole getting up early, making breakfast, making lunches, getting me and the boys dressed, shoes on, teeth brushed, sippy cups in hand, and lovies out the door for school before 8am has me thrown for a loop. Just typing that makes me tired and want to drink another cup of coffee. 
But for now, I can accomplish 3 things between 9-2:30pm. Workout, eat and take a nap. MAYBE on a good day I will shower, or run to the store, or work on the computer. But if you have kids in a 1/2 day school or MDO that’s it! You are killing it at life if you have been on any or all of these levels!

The Five Levels of Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom


1.) The Go Getter! 

This positive attitude usually happens in the beginning of the week. Let’s go workout, get coffee, run errands and work on the house during nap time and even pre-plan dinner. I have never made it past Wednesday in this mode.

2.) The “Hey at least I…” 

This is like “hey I got one thing done today” and I’m pretty proud of myself so I’m going to treat my self to bathing and maybe even blow drying my hair. Sounds ridic right?!?! Wrong! Sometimes I haven’t washed my hair in a week (disgusting) but not even dry shampoo, deodorant and Chanel can help me. Straight scrub. 


3.) I have zero Fs to give! 

I’m tired and all I want to do is pray for a fairy maid mother and take a nap because I know what’s still waiting for me when I get up. A dirty house, laundry to fold, butts to wipe, and a million unread emails. So usually I chose to watch some bravo on dvr, eat any cheese or potato product available in the house, and take a nap. 


4.) What am I doing?

Let’s do a million activities and not accomplish anything. Play dates, birthday parties, grocery shopping, and going thru a drive thru. You’re busy. Sometimes too busy to even want to do the shit you said you were gonna do. This is exhausting. 

5.) Breaking point.

Mommy needs a break. When you do get a REAL break, enjoy it. Then you feel guilty, miss your kids, come home to chaos, and want to run back to the car. Being a parent is insanity. Expecting different results while doing the same thing over and over again. 


Ok peanut gallery I hear you all in my head. Get help! Hire a babysitter! Don’t be a stay at home mom! Go back to work! Stop bitching! Order everything online! Use a delivery service. You need time management and organizational classes. How about FU!?!?


Some people are cut from a magical cloth that allows them to run on little sleep, have energy like the energizer bunny and look bananas. I’m just not cut from that cloth. Thing is I enjoy being lazy. You ask my older son what my favorite thing to do is and without a moments hesitation he will say “SLEEP!”

I’m not hating. I get stuff done. I admire those who can “do it all.” I’m just stuck in the middle of feeling like “Hell ya I’m slaying it and then questioning if I’m sending a healthy enough lunch.” 

So I don’t do anything but pour myself a glass of water I mean wine and curl up in my robe and look at pretty people on Instagram while some TV show is on in the background. It’s called balance. 

Calendars are a full time job. I don’t know about you all, but I haven’t consistently checked my emails for 4 years. The only emails I open are “Your Package has shipped, track it now!”, Taco Bueno, Bath & Body Works, spa packages, and Southwest flights I long book. LOL but seriously! Now, it’s more stressful! Soccer, gymnastics, homework, PTA meetings, date nights, school events, birthdays, football, ETC!!! Do kids not get to be kids anymore? One day we are singing ABC’s, the next we are in line for a tardy slip at age 4. 

After naps and pickup, round 2 begins. The afterschool snack that will ultimately ruin dinner, afterschool activites, homework, baths, books, songs, prayers, and goodnight moon. BAHAHAHA GOTCHA! 

Hello this Just Happy Mommy 

not Bullshit Mommy. 

4 Ways bedtime happens at our house  
1.) Eat it, wash it, brush it, read it, pray it, kiss it, goodnight, lock the door.

2.) Afterschool activity, drive thru dinner, screaming “I’m not tired”, asleep in the car, crying in the bathroom, and pouring them into bed. (Which sounds exactly like a night out drinking in my 20’s, or my last birthday give or take)

3.) We all sit down, eat dinner together with NO TV, peacefully agree to bathe, drink our milk, watch a show together, brush our teeth, read 3 books, sing a song, say our prayers, and turn out the light saying “NO, I love you more.”

4.) Babysitter. You keep them alive. I pay you. 

Yes, I was just bitching about my kids driving me bonkers, but now I miss them and want to have little spy cameras on them. Ages 0-4. Hardest, yet the most control you will EVER have. Everything is harder for me BC I’m a control freak that tries to be chill. Sooo I already miss the days I am waiting to miss. 

The Trace Adkins song is playing in my head “You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back, you’re gonna wish these days didn’t go by so fast, these are the good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now, but you’re gonna miss this.”

Trace Adkins You’re gonna miss this
Oh wait! You mean the days when I used to make my own life choices and didn’t have to be a slave to a calendar? Yes, yes, I miss those. 

Granted, this is my first rodeo. And for my veteran readers, just go ahead and shake your head, sip your wine, and say “ROOKIE” out the side of your mouth. All the new rules and the hustle and bustle has given me and my family a violent shove into “THE REAL WORLD.” And like The Diary of Britney Spears ” You think you know, but you have no idea.” It is true. Like anything in life we do not know what it is like until we actually experience it or live it ourselves.

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy 

Back 2 School Blues 

We all get down on ourselves. We are tired. We look at the to do list and get overwhelmed. With a new school year starting I have been so emotional. Seeing my baby grow-up and walk into his first day of PreK really hit me hard. He was so happy and excited and I lost it as I was leaving the drop off line. Teaching him has been my job until today. Granted he has been going to school since he was 10 months old but now it’s different. It is real school with a drop off and pick up, packed lunch, a cafeteria, recess and all new faces. 

He beams a smile and waves good bye, excited for his new adventure. Meanwhile, baby brother and I lose our shit in the car on the way home. (Yes I’m driving. I know I should not use a phone while moving a motor vehicle.) also I’m an ugly crier and turn the volume down 😩😢😭

​​

I felt so happy, sad, proud and afraid all at the same time as I drove away. Will he be ok? Will he make a friend? Will he eat his food? Will someone bully him? Will he even think about me? Did I do a good job?

So do my emotional episodes mean I have a mental issue? Yes! It is called being a parent! We are all losing our shit at some point. It’s called having a heart beating in your chest. Life is made of peaks and valleys, happy times and sad times. It is not just in parenting. There are ups and downs in marriages, work, friendships and hell even the economy. Point is that we all experience things differently. The only person who can judge us is The Lord. 

Yes I know my life is not over because my baby started PreK. I know, trust me I’m getting over it as I find myself writing this post, because I haven’t had a moments peace in 3 weeks since summer camp ended. But, I just care about my child and I want him to be happy, healthy, thrive and glow. I have been praying for him to have a good day and get in the car with a smile on his face full of stories. 
When you question yourself as a parent it is a natural thing. It means you care. I struggle with my confidence as a mom and then other days I am like “Hell Ya I am a kick ass mom.” “Pound it dog! Booya! and Holler!”

So here it is the first day of school and as I stare at my to do list, laundry, calendar etc. All I want to do is take a shower and a nap before I go get in the HORENDOUS pick up line 30 minutes before I’m charged a $14 fee.  

I know things change. I knew this was happening but actually living it is hard for me. All the new rules, my baby being so independent and being on time is really hard for me LOL. BUT it is good! We thrive in a routine so I am happy that I am being challenged to change. I know its not the end of the world but I do know I’m going to miss this. 

I’m gonna want these hard ass F^&* days back. When no one eats what I make for breakfast, lunch and dinner. When no one listens to me to stop splashing and flooding the bathroom. When I need to kiss the boo boos. When my baby crawls up in my lap and says “Mama hold you.” When the boys no longer let me dress them alike. And when we have rainy days cuddling and doing absolutely nothing and they let me kiss their heads and smell their hair.

Trust me I am taking note to cherish this time. We don’t get a lot of time on this Earth so we have to make each day count. But damn it is hard to be a parent in todays world. 
For now I tell myself.. The monograms can wait. The perfect breakfast, lunch or dinner cannot be made everyday. The organizing, the cleaning and everything I keep talking about will have to wait. 

As “THEY” say “The days are long, but the years are quick.” As I see the calendar fill up I have to stop and think these are the days I will miss. But for today I will sit and write my babies a letter telling them how much I love them. I will take a shower. I will lie down and day dream in my quiet bedroom. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our loved ones is time. Unapologetically I will proudly give myself sometime “Because If Mommy Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy.” 

Since pickup this afternoon he had a great day, made a new friend and learned a song. We had a special afternoon snack, played trains and he helped me cook dinner. After slaving away on dinner, it hits, here comes the meltdown. “I don’t want to eat it! Yuck!” As he’s screaming crying and running around the house losing his exhausted mind. Meanwhile baby brudder is enjoying his special allergy free (gluten, oat, egg, dairy, nut free) lasagna and breaks out in hives. 

Daddy walks thru the door as I’m finishing baby boys bath and dosage of Benadryl. Big boy still whining and saying “eating dinner is so hard and I’m not tired.” I look around at the dishes piled high, laundry covering both couches, toys, cups, trains, Chex and blueberries all over the rug… 

There’s my exit. I poured myself a glass of wine and I’m hiding out in the bathtub right now adding this to the post. 

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, shit is still gonna happen. Just depends if you are gonna pick it up, move on or just sit and cry about said shit. I’m gonna leave this one to daddy. 

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

My editor was not able to correct all my grammar, run on sentences and cussing. Once again if you don’t like my blog don’t read it 😁🖕🏻💋🍷

Growing Up Ain’t for Sissies

God brings people into your life for a reason. I wholeheartedly believe that. Whether we realize it instantly or later on, people come in and out when you need them to. 

It’s been over a week since I was able to go to the gym after little nugget got a terrible case of hand, foot, and mouth. Even tho he didn’t have a fever and acted happy, I couldn’t be “that mom” that took her child covered in blisters to kids club.

Usually I do high intensity classes with my bestie, but today I couldn’t get us out the door in time. So I decided to sit down and ride a stationary bike, listen to my jams, and read. 

Instead I talked with an 80 year old man named John. He was a lovely gentleman and so kind. We chatted for about 30 minutes as we rode our bikes. He was full of stories. He kept saying. “I hope I’m not boring you or keeping you.” I honestly was not bothered, but rather enjoyed his conversation and company. 

He told me stories from his childhood, where he grew up in Fort Smith Arkansas, how much he loved Italian food, and stories of his wife and losing loved ones. 

As I write this, I am even more touched by him and his life stories. We just had a real conversation. Nothing of fluff, but real genuine talk. 

He and I had several things in common. We both recently had a birthday, both went to Catholic school “all the way”, and he attended the University of Tulsa (like most of my family members). But most of all, he lived life to the fullest. 

He was raised by his grandparents and was never blessed with children of his own. He survived pneumonia and both a cotton-head snake bite and a rabid dog bite. All of which made me think. Damn That’s hard. 

I of course told him about my two little boys, my sweet husband and my family & spunky 93 year old grandma. I expressed how fast it goes and I’m so nervous when my boys go off to school in a couple weeks.

He told me about a bully in school that teased him for having red hair everyday at noon. “I’d rather be dead than be red on the head” he would say. After weeks of this, he responded with “Well you know what? I’d rather be red than dead in the head.” This angered the bully who took a swing at him and missed. John swung back and knocked him out. He felt proud. He then spotted a nun out of the corner of his eye, and she grabbed his hand and said “God bless your hand child.” Hahaha yes! 

 John continued to tell me stories of his best friend Jimmy from Italy. They became close during high school and he enjoyed dinners at his home. He loves Italian food and played football. He reminisced about one year his coach, a priest, gave them all a St. Christopher medal that he blest to protect them. He gave me a big smile and said look. The chain I had noticed him wearing held that same St Christopher charm. I said “maybe that’s how you got this far?” he said,  “I think so too.”

He doesn’t have any family left other than his wife, yet he said “Life is pretty good if you know how to live it.” After a long weekend of celebrating my birthday with those I hold dear, it makes me more thankful that I have my family and friends with me.

When he and his wife went to pick out their resting plots in Fort Smith, Jimmy asked John to be his brother, and share a spot in their family plot. So even though John didn’t have any living relatives, he still had Jimmy as his bro. 

I could have smiled, nodded and put my headphones back in, but I didn’t. I so desperately wanted my alone time at the gym today. Instead I made a new friend. One that I’m sure I learned a great deal from. 

Sometimes we need to stop and listen. 

He told me a final story about his grandfather, who worked nights at a smelter plant in town. They did everything together during the day as he was growing up. Fishing, hunting, trapping etc.

He said when his grandfather passed away from brain cancer, his grandma told him to stay at a friends house the night he passed. 

The next morning, he went home and saw his grandparents’ bed empty and he knew he was gone. His grandma said she held her husbands hand as he told her “don’t worry about me, Babe, I’m going to see my mama, daddy, and brothers.” And he died right after he spoke those words. 

I got teary eyed as he told me. But then he stopped me and said “I felt that way too for a long time, but now, I hope I am that happy and brave when it’s my time to go.” 

I live in a constant state of fear. For my boys, my sissy, my parents, my grandma and myself. I don’t want to die young. I think taking some time to come to the gym and talk with my new friend John is what I needed today. Perspective on this life and how sweet it can be. Not competing or comparing. Not to pity or worry. But to share our stories and be real. 

I am so thankful that God spoke to me through John today. I needed his guidance and kindhearted smile. We ended our talk with a smile and a handshake. He told me to be safe and remember “Growing old ain’t for sissies.”

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy 

Heaven in a box 

We all know that kids love big cardboard boxes more than what comes inside of them. My mama keeps a HUGE pottery barn box at her house, and the boys love to play in it. And like most people, especially moms, we get weekly Amazon deliveries. 

This morning we were getting ready and my son said “mommy will you put me in this box so I can go to heaven for a little bit?”

Clearly I was taken aback. As I stood looking at this small Amazon box, I couldn’t help but think, “What if I really had to put him in a box and send him to heaven?” A mother’s worst nightmare. To bury a baby. So I composed myself and said “ok, why do you want to go to heaven?” 

“It’s Pretend. I don’t really want to go there right now.”

Whew. Sheesh. 

Of course every time I have walked by that box today it made me think of heaven. 

A few weeks ago we watched the movie “Miracles from Heaven.” When my husband started playing it one Sunday morning, I told him to turn it off two or three times because I couldn’t handle it. And inducing a panic attack is never fun, but we finished it. 


It touched me in every way. Made me bawl out of control. I felt fear, sadness, and compassion. But most of all, it touched my heart and soul. If you haven’t seen it, the movie is about a very sick little girl and her journey with her mother, who will stop at nothing to help her get well. This movie hit so close to home because it not only parallels my sisters incurable medical conditions, but also the journey my own mama is making with her extremely ill daughter. The comparisons of their stories is really eerie. 

Since then, our 4.5 year old has asked to watch it again saying “I want to see the part where she goes to heaven.” And 
“Mommy are you sad because she is like Aunt Sissy?” “Yes baby it makes me sad.”

We have been teaching the boys to say their prayers before meals and after we read at bedtime since they were very small. Sometimes we forget. But when we do, I can see my boys smile when they say Amen. It makes my heart happy. I wish I had the innocence and blind faith of a little one. But even he is questioning me “Why won’t God heal Aunt Sissy? Is she going to die?” I respond with “I don’t know baby but we have to pray and trust that she will get better.” He says “It’s ok, I will make her better. I’m her doctor.” 

This video was taken a year ago and I still love to hear his little voice and his prayer 

“Jesus heal Aunt sissy and make her better. Guard me Jesus through the night wake me with the morning light. Amen”

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I know I need to “leave it to God, He’s got this.” I try so hard to keep my faith and believe in his plan. But my faith is wavering. After 8 years of severe health issues and suffering, when will she get better? Even though she is still present, she has no quality of life and each day, week, and month, she’s getting worse! All of our minds are reeling out of control with a million scenarios and questions. Her strength, fearlessness and grace impress me daily.

Why won’t He heal my sissy? Why is she getting worse? What can I do? Where do we go? Who do we see? How to we give her comfort? 

Visiting her twice a week at the hematology lab is the saddest place I have ever been. Seeing people so sad, sick, and tired getting pumped full of drugs, blood, or even poison is hard to see. I could not imagine. But you know what Sissy does? She goes in with a cute outfit, makeup, and a smile and she befriends everyone. She brings other people treats and writes hand written thank you notes. She journals and keeps a calendar, and of course keeps track of all her medications and issues. Being sick is a full time job that no one, she or anyone else, wants. I could not imagine what she is going thru. Her health and wellness is our number one priority. The good news is she doesn’t have to go at it alone. 

This was last week when we got to sneak little buddy to see my sissy at hematology. We played I spy while she got her potassium infusion. 


One of my best friends sent me my first devotional when I was in the throes of my postpartum depression and it has been such a special gift. Jesus calling. 

I decided to pay it forward and gift it to my mama and another bestie. The daily message is to trust in the Lord with all your heart and listen when Jesus is calling you. This book has helped my mama, who has the strongest faith of anyone I know. I admire her. The love, strength, and courage she has is amazing. She inspires me to enjoy all of the hugs, kisses, and “Mommy I love you’s”, and restores my faith in God. 

We are praying for a miracle to save Sissy. No one deserves to live in such pain and misery. So we will adjust. We will keep praying. Enjoying laughing together. Make plans and celebrate what we can. Holding on to all of the “some days” and never stop dreaming of a better tomorrow. 

Waiting for our Miracles from Heaven. 


Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy

The Music of my life 

The music of my life is the sound of my boys laughing, running and playing. 

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Last week I really put myself out there by sharing a controversial, important, and timely topic. Racism.

How do we teach our children about racism today? 

Like I explained in my first blog post; I promise to offend someone. Well this post unfortunately sparked some anger, sadness, and confusion.

At first I had a panic attack. Then I realized that I would stand by my words as my constitutional right to freedom of speech. Also, as previously mentioned, if you don’t like my blog, don’t read it.

 My First Blog Post Ever

So instead of backing down and being a coward, I choose to continue writing. And to those who have supported me along the way, thank you. I know haters are gonna hate.

I have been listening to this song a lot lately, and it just spoke to me.

“The delusions in our heads are gonna bring us to our knees.
So come on let it go
Just let it be
Why don’t you be you and I’ll be me
Everything that’s broke leave it to the breeze.” – James Bay

Remembering the Beatles mentality:
“All you need is love,
Love is all you need” – The Beatles

Sometimes we just need to chill out, and let the small things go. We don’t have to conform, but agree to disagree.

My parents grew up peace loving hippie kids, and my dad taught me pretty much everything about music. He would drive around and listen to the Beatles, CSN, Pink Floyd, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, and countless others. I grew up during the invention of the CD! He would take me to sound warehouse and let me choose an album. My first CD single was Loser by Beck.

My dad always had a story that went along with an album, and how the beautiful, powerful, and often controversial words moved his generation. I need to take a car ride with my daddy down memory music lane. It is a beautiful connection, and one that I think of often. 

Music has always been a huge part of my life. A song can transcend you to a point in time, and bring you to your knees, bring tears of joy, give you chills, and touch that place in your heart where the deepest love lives.

Why do you think everyone dreams of being a rockstar?! Because you can touch someone with your gift, and help change someone for the better. Exercise your creativity, and get paid to do it? Um ya let’s do that.

I see that love of music in my brother. His passion is as electric as his guitar. Like me, he too was once shy about his gifts. Once he embraced his fear, he opened like a rose. The sound he gave off was so sweet. I am so proud of him for following his dreams. I know that even tho he’s in a corporate job right now, he will be fulfilled with his music and continue to create lyrics and music for his generation. Check out his video below! His smile at the end is my faves. 

Philip PJ Eller Jr. Compass of love acoustic YouTube video
Love fuels love
There are over 2 million blog posts everyday! How does one get attention over the others? When it ignites or stirs the fire inside of us.

I hope that my boys are proud of my writing. I do this for them, after all. Life is not about the perfect moments. It’s about learning from the messy ones and creating our own character. Someday I pray that my children will embrace their differences and enjoy the music of life around them.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

How do we teach our children about racism today? 

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This past weekend, most Americans gathered to celebrate our Independence Day, or 4th of July. Families gather for BBQ, fireworks, and we get decked out in our Red, White and Blue. This year the American Flag and patriotism was more fashionable than ever. But when is the USA not fashionable tho, right? We are all proud to be Americans. America’s birthday is one of the most important holidays we celebrate because we are the land of the free and the brave. We enjoy more freedoms than anywhere on the planet. Remembering our history and the men and women who fought for our country and those soldiers, who still continue to protect us, is imperative to the celebration.


Like many of my fellow Americans, we had an annual BBQ with family and friends. We swim, have copious amounts of delicious food and drinks, then head out to watch fireworks after the sun goes down. I have enjoyed this tradition since I was a little kid. My cousins and I would stand in front of my Papa’s American Flag that my parents hang on our fence and sing 4th of July songs whilst swinging sparklers. The adults were using some highly illegal gun powder cannon to shoot bean cans across the yard. Oh wait. Is that just my crazy family?!? (think early 90’s) Well I am thankful that my parents continue this tradition, and my boys get to experience it.


This year was a little different. My little nugget wasn’t feeling like himself after swimming and I feared he started to get a fever. Big brother was all about the fireworks. I don’t know if it is a guy thing, genetic, or what, but he has been a pyro and into fireworks since day one. Little brother was shaking in my arms from hearing the tiny poppers. Needless to say, I decided it was best if we left early and tended to my weak little one. Daddy stayed back with big 4 year old and looked forward to the nighttime fireworks.


I woke up to several texts from my hubs explaining he was in the midst of dealing with a parenting nightmare. My initial thought was there was a fireworks accident and someone lost an appendage. Thankfully, no. But the words that I read caused my heart to sink into my stomach and then fall out my butt. The emotions I felt ran high; embarrassment, sadness, anger, and fear along with the 3 letter abbreviations OMG, WTF, FML.


Sooo what happened you ask? Our four year old well mannered, smart, kind, peacemaker, sweet, little, OCD, boy made a racial comment to a loved and respected person in our family. My brother’s girlfriend is African American.


He said,


“I dont like that you are black.”


WOW.


OK.


How do you react?


Since I was not there at the time of this interaction, there was swift discipline, a forced, quick apology, and then the “I think its time to go.”


Of course I immediately think, “WTF!?! Why is my baby acting racist?” He has NEVER made a comment before, and we are NOT racist people. We have another African American family member, and also I am proud that my cousin recently married his husband. Agree or not, this is the world we live in. 


The point is that kids notice differences. They are learning the world around us. Instead of ignoring them and acting like it doesn’t need to be addressed, it is our job to explain these ways of the world. They do NOT know unless they are taught. And if we do NOT teach them, someone else will. I do not know if this is something he picked up at school, watching TV, the news, or family or friends making off the cuff remarks. Regardless, this happened. Instead of brushing it under the rug and not addressing the elephant in the room, we decided to take this issue head on. But how do we teach our children about racism today?

It’s so taboo. I am not without sin nor will I throw stones at glass houses. I will cop to using bad words, a slur or entertaining an inappropriate adult joke but NEVER have I ever encouraged hatred of another human being. 

Hell I grew up going to a private catholic school and knew every word to TuPac, Biggie and WuTang just to name a few. So imagine a bunch of skinny white girls in school uniforms bumping to gangsta rap trying to be cool. So if that’s not a clear enough image think Britney Spears mixed with Ghetto Cowboy. Anyway I digress.

 With all the racially charged violence going on in our world today there is a need for us to educate our kids and also for me to make a conscious effort to set the correct example. After seeing these 2 horrific, tragic acts of violence where white police officers have killed 2 innocent black men in 2 days makes me want to vomit. Prejudice exists. Racism exists. (This was written July 5 before Dallas and before the last 10+ racially charged acts of violence) 

We explained our disappointment and just because we have differences, that does not mean we do not like people based on the color of their skin, their religious beliefs, language, or sexual orientation. Today he said, “The mommy is a girl and the daddy is a boy.” I said, “Well sometimes there are 2 mommies and sometimes there are 2 daddies. As long as babies and families are safe and happy we cannot be angry at differences.” My journalism ways, of course, decided to delve into this a little more deeply. I found that parents fear talking to their kids about race as much if not more than talking to them about sex.


Psychology Today Article

I took him to my parents the next morning after we had a talk in the car on the way over. I said, “I am not going to tell you what to do, rather, I am going to explain why saying you didn’t like her because she was black is wrong.” He had to figure out how to ask for forgiveness and for her to accept his apology. My mom also talked to him and they prayed about it. She and my brother accepted his apology. That night I went to have some brother-sister time and some one-on-one with her. Again, rather than act like it didn’t happen, I wanted to make sure she knew how mortified I was and that I am so sorry for hurting her feelings.


Much to my dismay it did hurt her very deeply. She said she had felt judged about the color of her skin since she was a child. Most people do NOT acknowledge it, and just want to act like it didn’t happen. The whole 

“kids say the darnedest things” thing.   In my opinion, it is almost worse not addressing it. It almost accepts and encourages the behavior. It is also lazy parenting because talking about this shit is hard. It is real and hard. NO ONE wants to admit that your kid called someone out for being different for NO reason at all. Race, sexual orientation, language, religion we are all the same inside. 

We have a toy giraffe that teaches colors, shapes and numbers. It sings a song “red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink.” I explained all colors are beautiful and there is no right or wrong color. We also watched an episode of Sesame Street that addressed the differences in skin color.


Sesame Street Color Of Me song

Rainbow colors song 

I have been writing and editing this post for 4 days now, and I decided to share it because I feel like it is something that many don’t want to talk about. But it is something very important and, honestly, vital to our foundation as good parents. Don’t be like me, waiting until it’s too late. Even tho we are moving past it, and it was a very tough lesson to teach and learn. I implore you to explain that differences are beautiful and acceptance is crucial for peace. 

Civil Rights Info on talking to children about racism

XOXO


Just Happy Mommy

This is dedicated to my friend who was brave enough to let me share this story. 

Don’t mess with Mama bear, her babies or America! 🐻💙❤️🇺🇸

I’m a mama bear! Don’t mess with me, my Cubs or my country ! I need to know where my babies are, who they are with, what they are eating and how they are feeling. Helicopter mom? Yes. Have I started to become the mom in the “Luvs” commercial? The one with the mom with her first kid armed with gallons of hand sanitizer and then she hands the second kid over to the man at the oil change place. Yeah I’m not quite there yet. As I sit here, getting an oil change, listening to the sad news reports on TV, I realize I’m far from that “Live, Learn then get Luvs” mom. (Click the blue words below to see links 💙👍🏻)

Luvs Commercial
This place smells like cigarettes, piss, pine sol and I wouldn’t hand my baby over to lovely Mr. John with the neck tattoo. I’m more like the “Eat, sleep, then pray” mom.

Anyway I started this post 215 days ago and I still feel the same way I did when I started writing this. We have to protect our kids and loved ones more than ever. 

The mass shooting in Orlando and the media coverage the last couple of days has reminded me why I am afraid of this world. Remembering all the horror and terror of years past makes me sad. Visiting the 911 Memorial Museum last summer and hearing the voices, screams and seeing it up close and personal is something that will haunt me forever. Plus when you work in television, you see and hear gory, gruesome details on murders and other heinous crimes. It makes you paranoid.  So ya I’m scared for my kids because of the evil world we live in.

As The POTUS said yesterday. The President of the United States,

“This is a sobering reminder that attacks on any American regardless of race, ethinicity, religion, or sexual orientation is an attack on all of us and the fundamental values of equality and dignity that define us as a country. No act of hate or terror will ever change who we are or the values that make us Americans.
Today, marks the most deadly shooting in American history. The shooter was apparently armed with a handgun, and a powerful assault rife. This massacre is therefore a further reminder of how easy it is for someone to get their hands on a weapon that lets them shoot people in a school, or in a house of worship, or a movie theater, or in a nightclub and we have to decide if that’s the kind of country we want to be. And to actively do nothing is a decision as well.”

This was the 14th time President Obama addressed the nation about the worst mass shooting in US history.

USA Today Article

We are not promised tomorrow. 

Just like Tony Award winner Lin-Manuel Miranda said last night “Love is love is love is love!”

Tony Award Winner Speech

His sonnet moved me to tears.

This world is crumbling. I fear for the future. I fear for our kids. We are not safe at school, church, movie theaters, nightclubs, work or sporting events. Do we stop living our lives? No. Do we step up and take more precautions? Yes.

So what can we do as parents to keep our kids safe? Watch them! I swear almost all of our accidents have happened when we have been inches or feet away.

1. Leashes:

The first time I flew alone I put a panda backpack leash on our older son. He is a wild one and I needed that peace of mind, regardless of the looks and judgment of other airport patrons. This mama don’t care. I ordered it on Amazon Animal 2 in 1 Harness Backpack


And I got my mom one too! We haven’t flown with our little son yet due to his airborne food allergies but you bet your ass I will be using it again!

Let me say that I openly hated on parents who used leashes on their kids before I had kids.  Disgust written all over my face as kids were attached to their parents at the a State Fair, like dogs on leashes.

And in the words of The Notorious B.I.G., “if don’t know, now you know!” – Juicy. RIP Big Poppa

Juicy The Notorious B.I.G.

2. Baby Monitors: 

Ok I plan on keeping these up and on until puberty. We live in a small house yet I am attached to these more than my cell phone when the sun goes down. I’m on my third monitor and use the dual cameras. My husband is looking into outdoor home safety cameras. He had me download this ap yesterday which we are super excited about.  Family Life 360 in the AppStore. I’m reluctant with technology and my hubby is a techy guy. Let’s just say I would go back to blackberry if I could even tho life revolves around Apple and Android.

I have a sign like most mama bears, hanging over the door bell either kindly or threateningly requesting not to ring the bell, knock or solicit for fear of waking the baby. Truth be told I think everyone should have one of these because seriously who likes it when the doorbell rings or there is a knock at the door? Not me! I don’t need what you’re selling, preaching or to open my door for a home invader. If you haven’t seen this stand up comedian talk about answering the door click here it’s hilarious!!!

Sebastian What’s wrong with people?!?!

It’s so true when we were kids it was a joyous sound to hear the doorbell. Now it’s like STFU, hit the deck and “did you park in the garage?!” We live in fear. If I’m home alone, forget about it.

3. Microchips:

Which brings me to microchips. We microchipped our dog so if he was lost or stolen we could find him. So when will we start microchipping our kids? Agree or disagree but we already put  leashes on our kids. I know, I know it’s inhumane and goes against free will, but so are these staggering statistics on missing and exploited children in the United States!!!

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
According to the FBI, in 2015 there were 460,699 NCIC entries for missing children. Similarly, in 2014, the total number of missing children entries into NCIC was 466,949.

So forgive me when I say I want to do anything in my power to keep my babies safe and secure. I have mentioned before that I may be too real with my boys. I teach them stranger danger. I never bring race or looks into it. Just simple facts.

“If someone tries to get you what do you do?!”

“Run, scream your head off and look for help.”

“If you can’t find mommy who do you look for?”

“Police or someone that looks like mommy, daddy or meme.”

“No one touches your penis but you!”

This might sound agressive but so is the abuse and violence that is blind to its innocent victims.

It starts at home. We must band together to raise our kids in the world of today no matter how ugly it may be. I wish I could wear rose colored glasses and continue in the mommy brain ignorance is bliss mode, but no longer. Our children’s safety and lives are worth the time. Is it scary? Yes. Is it necessary? Yeah.

It starts with me, you and all of us to protect this land that we love.

Love knows no bounds.

God bless America.

xoxo

Just Happy Mommy