Christmas in July 

Today is Christmas in July. I can’t believe in 6 months it will be Christmas! My most favorite time of the year. Reflecting back on the holiday makes me happy. 

I decided to do something I haven’t done all summer. Treat myself to a morning of doing absolutely nothing. After I dropped the boys off at summer camp I decided I deserved 2 hours to myself. 
The last 5 days of summer fun have been busy swimming, cooking, sweating, cleaning, hustling and bustling. I thought “hey I need some ME time.” And not apologize for it. If it’s Christmas in July after all, I might as well give myself the best gift of all and that is time. 
Time to pray. Time to meditate. Time to write. Time to breathe. Sit in bed and do nothing until pickup. 
My best friend told me about an app called HeadSpace so I thought “hey why not try it.” I’m so glad I downloaded it because now I can’t wait for tomorrow’s meditation session. It’s amazing how stopping and taking 10 minutes can change your whole head space. 
Looking out my bedroom windows and seeing the sunlight dance on the leaves in the breeze and hearing birds chirping and the humm of the refrigerator in the kitchen is calming. It’s 100 degrees again today and in 6 months it will be freezing. I have to remind myself to stop and be thankful for all the days and all the moments. Before you know it it could be too late and you don’t know how to stop being busy. 
Lately thinking of all the things going on in my life makes me sad. Why am I living an unhappy life? Recent family conflict and my sissy’s unanswered health questions are top of mind. 
Fear is control. 

Control is an illusion. 
Suffering from fear, depression and anxiety sucks. Even tho I know I have so much to be thankful for, deep down, I’m sad. Seeking help, taking medication and surrounding yourself with supportive and loving people is the key. But what happens when those people and connections break down? Or you cannot spend quality time with the ones you love and miss the most. Are we too busy to give the greatest gift of all to those we love the most?! Our time. 
Stop and give yourself some time. I am seeking some inner peace and praying in desperation for my fears to stop taking control. I don’t have to get everything done. I don’t have to be perfect. The pressure I put on myself is exhausting. 
As always I’m Looking forward to Christmas this year. I want to do what my boys and family want to do and not succumb to what is expected of me. The holiday gets lost in the hustle and bustle and the commitments of time and money. Really stopping to think “is this going to make me happy?”
So here’s to beating this heat and dreaming of a white Christmas. Im looking forward and not behind.
Just Happy Mommy

The Music of my life 

The music of my life is the sound of my boys laughing, running and playing. 

Last week I really put myself out there by sharing a controversial, important, and timely topic. Racism.

How do we teach our children about racism today? 

Like I explained in my first blog post; I promise to offend someone. Well this post unfortunately sparked some anger, sadness, and confusion.

At first I had a panic attack. Then I realized that I would stand by my words as my constitutional right to freedom of speech. Also, as previously mentioned, if you don’t like my blog, don’t read it.

 My First Blog Post Ever

So instead of backing down and being a coward, I choose to continue writing. And to those who have supported me along the way, thank you. I know haters are gonna hate.

I have been listening to this song a lot lately, and it just spoke to me.

“The delusions in our heads are gonna bring us to our knees.
So come on let it go
Just let it be
Why don’t you be you and I’ll be me
Everything that’s broke leave it to the breeze.” – James Bay

Remembering the Beatles mentality:
“All you need is love,
Love is all you need” – The Beatles

Sometimes we just need to chill out, and let the small things go. We don’t have to conform, but agree to disagree.

My parents grew up peace loving hippie kids, and my dad taught me pretty much everything about music. He would drive around and listen to the Beatles, CSN, Pink Floyd, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, and countless others. I grew up during the invention of the CD! He would take me to sound warehouse and let me choose an album. My first CD single was Loser by Beck.

My dad always had a story that went along with an album, and how the beautiful, powerful, and often controversial words moved his generation. I need to take a car ride with my daddy down memory music lane. It is a beautiful connection, and one that I think of often. 

Music has always been a huge part of my life. A song can transcend you to a point in time, and bring you to your knees, bring tears of joy, give you chills, and touch that place in your heart where the deepest love lives.

Why do you think everyone dreams of being a rockstar?! Because you can touch someone with your gift, and help change someone for the better. Exercise your creativity, and get paid to do it? Um ya let’s do that.

I see that love of music in my brother. His passion is as electric as his guitar. Like me, he too was once shy about his gifts. Once he embraced his fear, he opened like a rose. The sound he gave off was so sweet. I am so proud of him for following his dreams. I know that even tho he’s in a corporate job right now, he will be fulfilled with his music and continue to create lyrics and music for his generation. Check out his video below! His smile at the end is my faves. 

Philip PJ Eller Jr. Compass of love acoustic YouTube video
Love fuels love
There are over 2 million blog posts everyday! How does one get attention over the others? When it ignites or stirs the fire inside of us.

I hope that my boys are proud of my writing. I do this for them, after all. Life is not about the perfect moments. It’s about learning from the messy ones and creating our own character. Someday I pray that my children will embrace their differences and enjoy the music of life around them.


Just happy mommy

How do we teach our children about racism today? 

This past weekend, most Americans gathered to celebrate our Independence Day, or 4th of July. Families gather for BBQ, fireworks, and we get decked out in our Red, White and Blue. This year the American Flag and patriotism was more fashionable than ever. But when is the USA not fashionable tho, right? We are all proud to be Americans. America’s birthday is one of the most important holidays we celebrate because we are the land of the free and the brave. We enjoy more freedoms than anywhere on the planet. Remembering our history and the men and women who fought for our country and those soldiers, who still continue to protect us, is imperative to the celebration.

Like many of my fellow Americans, we had an annual BBQ with family and friends. We swim, have copious amounts of delicious food and drinks, then head out to watch fireworks after the sun goes down. I have enjoyed this tradition since I was a little kid. My cousins and I would stand in front of my Papa’s American Flag that my parents hang on our fence and sing 4th of July songs whilst swinging sparklers. The adults were using some highly illegal gun powder cannon to shoot bean cans across the yard. Oh wait. Is that just my crazy family?!? (think early 90’s) Well I am thankful that my parents continue this tradition, and my boys get to experience it.

This year was a little different. My little nugget wasn’t feeling like himself after swimming and I feared he started to get a fever. Big brother was all about the fireworks. I don’t know if it is a guy thing, genetic, or what, but he has been a pyro and into fireworks since day one. Little brother was shaking in my arms from hearing the tiny poppers. Needless to say, I decided it was best if we left early and tended to my weak little one. Daddy stayed back with big 4 year old and looked forward to the nighttime fireworks.

I woke up to several texts from my hubs explaining he was in the midst of dealing with a parenting nightmare. My initial thought was there was a fireworks accident and someone lost an appendage. Thankfully, no. But the words that I read caused my heart to sink into my stomach and then fall out my butt. The emotions I felt ran high; embarrassment, sadness, anger, and fear along with the 3 letter abbreviations OMG, WTF, FML.

Sooo what happened you ask? Our four year old well mannered, smart, kind, peacemaker, sweet, little, OCD, boy made a racial comment to a loved and respected person in our family. My brother’s girlfriend is African American.

He said,

“I dont like that you are black.”



How do you react?

Since I was not there at the time of this interaction, there was swift discipline, a forced, quick apology, and then the “I think its time to go.”

Of course I immediately think, “WTF!?! Why is my baby acting racist?” He has NEVER made a comment before, and we are NOT racist people. We have another African American family member, and also I am proud that my cousin recently married his husband. Agree or not, this is the world we live in. 

The point is that kids notice differences. They are learning the world around us. Instead of ignoring them and acting like it doesn’t need to be addressed, it is our job to explain these ways of the world. They do NOT know unless they are taught. And if we do NOT teach them, someone else will. I do not know if this is something he picked up at school, watching TV, the news, or family or friends making off the cuff remarks. Regardless, this happened. Instead of brushing it under the rug and not addressing the elephant in the room, we decided to take this issue head on. But how do we teach our children about racism today?

It’s so taboo. I am not without sin nor will I throw stones at glass houses. I will cop to using bad words, a slur or entertaining an inappropriate adult joke but NEVER have I ever encouraged hatred of another human being. 

Hell I grew up going to a private catholic school and knew every word to TuPac, Biggie and WuTang just to name a few. So imagine a bunch of skinny white girls in school uniforms bumping to gangsta rap trying to be cool. So if that’s not a clear enough image think Britney Spears mixed with Ghetto Cowboy. Anyway I digress.

 With all the racially charged violence going on in our world today there is a need for us to educate our kids and also for me to make a conscious effort to set the correct example. After seeing these 2 horrific, tragic acts of violence where white police officers have killed 2 innocent black men in 2 days makes me want to vomit. Prejudice exists. Racism exists. (This was written July 5 before Dallas and before the last 10+ racially charged acts of violence) 

We explained our disappointment and just because we have differences, that does not mean we do not like people based on the color of their skin, their religious beliefs, language, or sexual orientation. Today he said, “The mommy is a girl and the daddy is a boy.” I said, “Well sometimes there are 2 mommies and sometimes there are 2 daddies. As long as babies and families are safe and happy we cannot be angry at differences.” My journalism ways, of course, decided to delve into this a little more deeply. I found that parents fear talking to their kids about race as much if not more than talking to them about sex.

Psychology Today Article

I took him to my parents the next morning after we had a talk in the car on the way over. I said, “I am not going to tell you what to do, rather, I am going to explain why saying you didn’t like her because she was black is wrong.” He had to figure out how to ask for forgiveness and for her to accept his apology. My mom also talked to him and they prayed about it. She and my brother accepted his apology. That night I went to have some brother-sister time and some one-on-one with her. Again, rather than act like it didn’t happen, I wanted to make sure she knew how mortified I was and that I am so sorry for hurting her feelings.

Much to my dismay it did hurt her very deeply. She said she had felt judged about the color of her skin since she was a child. Most people do NOT acknowledge it, and just want to act like it didn’t happen. The whole 

“kids say the darnedest things” thing.   In my opinion, it is almost worse not addressing it. It almost accepts and encourages the behavior. It is also lazy parenting because talking about this shit is hard. It is real and hard. NO ONE wants to admit that your kid called someone out for being different for NO reason at all. Race, sexual orientation, language, religion we are all the same inside. 

We have a toy giraffe that teaches colors, shapes and numbers. It sings a song “red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink.” I explained all colors are beautiful and there is no right or wrong color. We also watched an episode of Sesame Street that addressed the differences in skin color.

Sesame Street Color Of Me song

Rainbow colors song 

I have been writing and editing this post for 4 days now, and I decided to share it because I feel like it is something that many don’t want to talk about. But it is something very important and, honestly, vital to our foundation as good parents. Don’t be like me, waiting until it’s too late. Even tho we are moving past it, and it was a very tough lesson to teach and learn. I implore you to explain that differences are beautiful and acceptance is crucial for peace. 

Civil Rights Info on talking to children about racism


Just Happy Mommy

This is dedicated to my friend who was brave enough to let me share this story.