When do I have time to blog? Well today I was Blogging in the car, in the open garage with sleeping babies and air conditioner on full blast, burning oil and burning money! Haha! This is when I have time to regurgitate my mommy adventures.
Yes I’m eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch! 👊🏻
When it’s this hot in Oklahoma anything under 70° is unbearable to me and my family. We avoid the outdoors, using the dryer and oven unless it’s before noon or after 9 PM.
Target should be paying me. I go there anywhere from 1-3 times a week! Last week we decided to have a Play date @ Target bc it’s 97 -100 degrees every afternoon and bc we have already exhausted other options at 3pm.
On Monday I had to get the boys school snack and I of course thought I had it all stashed away ready to go but no it was 1/2 eaten. So off to the red store we go @ 8:30am. The Red card saves money The Self checkout line does not save time with 2 kids in tow. As we were hurrying thru the checkout I keep hearing that ladies voice:
“Please place your item in the bagging area.” 🙄Then
“Please wait for assistance.” 🙄
This happened at least 3 more times bc my happy helper isn’t really helping. 😁
Then I hear “Oh that Poor baby must be starving.” I turn around to look and see him shoveling handfuls of veggie straws into his mouth at 8:45am. I wanted to hiss back at this target employee
“Really bitch?! Well he just ate a gluten free organic waffle with 2 organic grass fed sausages covered in an organic maple syrup & agave blend with vanilla coconut milk, so ya he’s starving.” I didn’t say this obvi but I’m saying it now LOL.
Next up blind bags. What are they you ask?! They are tiny piece of shit toys that ends with “you can collect them all!” My kids are an advertisers dream. Everything is “mom we can collect them all!” Um NO we can’t.
Well if you beg and bug your mom enough, until she screams “Fine!” Then you get them. At least they are like $1.50-3 but they are also a chocking hazard and hurt like a MFer if stepped on. He learned about these things from KidsYouTube which is basically videos of other kids and creepy grown ass adults opening these blind bags, toys and candy. Seriously it’s absolutely insane that these videos have millions of views. My initial thought was cool a YouTube especially for kids he can watch Thomas, Paw Patrol etc. NO! Don’t get sucked in. It’s a terrible choice. Advertisers dream!
This one has 74MILLION views I guess I’m the dumbass
Blind bag and candy egg YouTube
Jim Gaffigan is probably one of my favorite people on the planet other than my family and friends. I love him and actually encounter most of the things he talks about in his books. Sunday I slept in my sons twin bed bc he fell asleep with daddy. He then woke up about 6 AM to sleep with me. I woke up and realized he had Peed the bed. I woke up wet. I was so tired I rolled over and thought its not that bad on this side. 😝
Jim Gaffigan Mr Universe
Next, Breaking things in stores it happens but it’s usually my fault and not the kids. We were leaving the Starbucks area of Target and my diaper bag hit the display and shattered a glass French press☕️🙈. Again while at hobby lobby a woman said excuse me and ended up backing her back end into an entire glass display of yard gnomes and chachkeys and half of it shattered all over the floor.
Finally my social media rant. It’s a love hate relationship with this addiction.
My Instagram feed sends me mixed messages. The photos of food and perfectly staged beverages make me want to eat everything. Then the next pic says but use this to stay skinny and wear this bc we never have enough. It’s so annoying bc I too am an advertisers dream. I love to shop. Grocery shop, home decor, clothing, shoes, you name it I can find a reason. Again you can convince yourself you need it because it’s pretty and some unconscious part of your brain was a victim to perfect product placement.
Also it’s so annoying when I see the pretty sparkle “be thankful for today” script. I am thankful for today. I love my family, my boys and all that I have and all that I am. I’m just not thankful for the flooded bathroom floor or $1,000 car repairs. I’m not thankful for poopy swim diapers at the pool or that my sister sits at the Hemotology lab by herself 6 hours a week. #Blessed. BTW when I #blessed I’m totally sarcastic. I know it could be worse. Duh I’m not 6 feet under and my kids are baby models.
So yesterday after camp, lunch, nap/quiet time I really wanted a sno cone and to bring my sissy one. So we went to get shaved ice and then swimming at Meme and Poppys. We had a blast. Come home eat dinner, watch Zootopia and then as I’m laying back on the new clean sheets of the twin bed I ask him “what was your favorite part of the day?” “Nothing,” he says “this is not my best day ever!” #AssholeParent
So God Bless America the home of the free and the brave. I Hope you and your family enjoy this most important holiday! 🇺🇸❤️💙🎉
Just happy mommy
Warning: This content is offensive, so pour yourself a drink and sit back while I lay the smack down 😘😝🍾👊🏻￼