OK ladies lets talk maintenance. The whole “I woke up like this” is a crock of shit. If you are able to get 10 hours of sleep, drink 75-100 ounces of water a day, exercise, exfoliate, eat perfect, fix your hair, put on makeup, be wrinkle free, bright eyed, pouty lipped with an apple bottom, thigh gap, top knot, mani pedi all while wearing a perfectly pinterested outfit well then my hands are up giving you a high five and a hallelujah! Amen!

The rest of us humans try, but few attain the perfection we see in our favorite celebrities. I love to learn from other beautiful women. I have always like to see what the new fashion trends are, learn new makeup tricks, and keep myself somewhat put together. This last week has knocked me down a peg or twenty, and I have taken a wrong turn down ugly lane. Rocking a swollen face, dehydrated, 3rd eye zit, dark puffy eyes, and a triple chin to boot.

Beauty. I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now. I usually do some type of research on the topic I am writing about just to make sure I have some idea of what I am talking about. This time I did not get far. When I googled beauty routine, I was overwhelmed by the ridiculous amounts of results. “80 Beauty Tips & Tricks Every Woman Needs to Know” was when I stopped

http://dailymakeover.com/beauty-tips/

The article has great tips but 80! Sheeeeit I barely get a shower these days, let alone shave my legs. And to worry about a skin care regimen?

Here’s the thing. Women are not supposed to age, wrinkle, grey, sag, or whine. Yet when men go grey they become a silver fox, gain some moobs, and they are dad bod hot. UM NO! I refuse! I have aged more in 4 years of being a mom than I did drinking and smoking every single weekend while eating Mexican food and never washing my makeup off in my 20’s. Now after breastfeeding 2 babies, gaining 60 lbs twice, and never really sleeping again, I look my age and need to get my maintenance on! I AM NOT COMPLAINING! MOM LIFE & PREGNANCY TAKES ITS TOLL.

I can hear the peanut gallery now. Why don’t you stop blogging and go workout?! Why don’t you put your kids down earlier? You should go to church. How many cocktails are we talking about? Try Botox, Pilates, these 8 face creams etc.

It costs a lot of money to look good. Good genes are priceless and you bet your sweet ass I have some great genes. I don’t know about you, but I think I look better than I really do. Until recently when I looked in the mirror I thought “I know I could always look better, but my clothes fit. Considering my mom lifestyle, it was decent.” The first pic is ZERO makeup with my oldest son  🙂 The second was a month ago after getting my hair done with my gorgeous sissy!

OH HOW WRONG I WAS! A couple of weeks ago, I had a reaction to my eyelash extensions. My sister is amazing and pays for this lavish unnecessary extravagance, and I have had them on for several months and never had a problem. Anyway I was interviewed for a TV story and we had professional photos taken of my family in our home. After seeing my fat, swollen, round face triple chin on TV and again in this local magazine I was mortified. WTF had I done. Thinking hey “I look good” turned into “HOLY HELL I look like that?!” Instead of feeling excited and empowered my confidence plumeted.

Now I think back to those damn eyelash extensions. Sure enough, when I got them done again, this happened! Last Saturday I woke up like this.

 

GROSS! Crusty, red, itchy, burning, and swollen shut. Looks like I have pink eye huh? Nope not pink eye because it went away after using Rhoto eye drops, warm compresses, and taking Benadryl.  The price we pay to look like a beat basic bitch.

I have been getting my hair highlighted and colored since I was in high school. As a blonde its a deal made with the hair devil. I used to get my nails done but that was a budget cut since baby #2. I have NEVER bought expensive makeup. I recently started using a nightly face cream that gave me a HUGE third eye sized zit on my forehead. Then there is the physical and mental maintenance, which I think is the most important, but also for me the most neglected. Exercising is KEY.  It makes me happy, a better mom, wife, and person. But when I do not get much sleep, I forgo my workouts for sleep and bravo in order to continue functioning. Ok, my biggest hurdle FOOD/DRINK. I love to eat healthy, and I hate anxiety. But I still eat Taco Bueno and enjoy a cocktail. I drink A LOT of caffeine. Coffee and Dr. Pepper are my #1’s. I am really trying to drink more water. If you have read my blog at all, you know my stance on mental health.

The terrible 3: Depression, Anxiety & social media  – Just Happy Mommy

The terrible 3: Depression, Anxiety & social media 

Finally fashion. Looking cute is considered maintenance to me. Especially since I work part time at my friends totes adorbs boutique, which is pretty much the only place I shop other than Target or online. Check out Posh online

http://poshtulsa.com/collections/all

When you look cute, you feel pretty. And when you feel pretty it shows. You can have it all goin’ on, but if you DO NOT FEEL GOOD it shows. I love the expression “you can’t polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter”.  I guess what I have been trying to word vomit out the last 1,000 words is we should age gracefully. Keep a young attitude towards life, and explore different options. Just like my mom says, “what is good for some women does not work for us.” As for me, balance is the key. I want to stay true to me, and I think this article from the local magazine Daily Table explains my outlook on food perfectly. Not only is eating a celebration, but so is life so go take a bite!

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy