The terrible 3: Depression, Anxiety & social media 

You know what the meanest things you can ask someone who is suffering from depression?

Are you still taking your meds? Regularly?

Are you going to see your therapist?

Are you ok?

You are crazy.

Wow. Really?! Pretty sure those are the worst things to say or ask someone who is struggling. (Obviously not coming from your doctor or trusted family or friends.)

Depression is a mental health condition. Like any other infection or disease it requires medical diagnosis and treatment. But when someone admits they need help and seeks treatment that should NEVER be thrown back into their face. Would you dare tell an anorexic person to put down their food or call them fat?! Hell no!

When I chose to share my blog and explain the title Just Happy Mommy I was putting it out there that I suffered from post partum depression and now both depression and anxiety. And after watching NBC Nightly News tonight and their coverage on depression. I decided I should expand on it.

http://www.nbcnews.com/health/mental-health/check-all-adults-depression-especially-new-moms-panel-says-n504816

They are calling for all adults to have a mental health check for depression, especially in new moms.

After having our first son we had a lot of MAJOR changes going on in our home life but I got thru it after a few months, so it was situational. The second time around I knew something was off. I never had evil thoughts of hurting myself or my babies. I just knew I wasn’t myself so I called my doctors and we started a low dose anti depressant. It’s not like moms choose this, quite the opposite. We feel embarrassed and broken and disappointed in ourselves.  Also I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not fishing for compliments. I know I am not a celebrity who can bring real awareness but I’m a mom not a lot of people would think has these issues. I am a happy person. I love life. But I needed help and that’s ok.
There are many levels and types of depression. Major, bipolar, seasonal, psychotic, Post Partum, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Situational Depression. http://www.m.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types

The stigma of depression sucks! It doesn’t mean that every depressed person is manic or bipolar or suicidal or dangerous. Usually a combination of medication, therapy exercise and life changes can do the trick. A sorority sister introduced me to a great website and movement called WE GET DEPRESSED. Bringing awareness and acceptance to depression.

http://www.wegetdepressed.com/


There is NO LOOK of depression. It can affect anyone, at any age and is very serious but there is help and hope. I love the quote from Clueless when Cher says “She’s a full on Monet. From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.” And “Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all,” from The Breakfast Club.

Painting a pretty picture of what you think other people want to see is a job in and of itself. Feelings of inadequacy and even failure can haunt even the strongest person.  There are studies showing that social media use can feed anxiety and increase a persons feeling of inadequacy. When we go on social media sometimes it is not a fun thing because we see things we want or don’t have or realize we weren’t included. Sometimes we are not in the mindset of “oh isn’t that great!”, instead we think “FU!” So until we can truly love ourselves, our situation and own it without fear of rejection or giving zero Fs we will be at the mercy of the LIKE button.

We are still learning this new world of social media and the affects it has on us. IMHO I think that social media can pose a threat to our mental health and well being, while at the same time it can be POSITIVE, SUPPORTIVE, EDUCATIONAL & FUN! I struggle with “is this safe?  fun? or should I just quit participating all together?”

Last year I gave up social media for Lent which is a Christian observation where you choose to give up something or challenge yourself for the 40 days leading up to Easter because Jesus went 40 days and nights fasting in the desert and being tempted by the devil. At first it was hard then when Easter came I did not know if I wanted to rejoin the cult.

It has become part of our daily lives whether we admit it or not. Until getting a job in TV out of college I did NOT have Facebook. It was not until after we got married that my husband and our friends started to participate. At first it was super fun and cool then it started to go political, rude and annoying. People use social media for so many reasons; business, family connections, social networking, education, advice, etc. it is like the new yellow pages. When used properly and positively it is great, when used as a way to bully people who commit suicide it is REALLY BAD!

How do we protect our kids? I have put myself and my kids in a semi dangerous place because I have chosen to put our lives online. My sweet, innocent, little nuggets who may live to resent me and my online sharing choices. The reason I started my blog was to share my life experiences in hopes of connecting and helping at least one person. I am thrilled to say that I have accomplished that. But should I stop sharing my real life stories of being a mom of 2 kids? And stop posting pictures of my adorable kids for fear that some crazy ass is going to try to come kill me and my family because of what I posted online? To answer your question prolly. But will I? Prolly not. The struggle is real. There is no way of controlling social media as long as we live in America and the Constitutional 1st Amendment rights protect our freedoms of speech and press.

So from someone who suffers from depression, anxiety and is addicted to social media I urge you to either enjoy the ignorance is bliss mentality or get scared out of your mind because we are all dialed in and obsessed!

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

 

#reallife 

I have gotten a lot of positive feedback about my blog posts. Mostly “thank you’s” for keeping it real. Ya’ll said you wanted real so here it is…Somedays are solid “Mommy is a bad a$$” victories, others are miserable, “is it nap/bed time yet?” failures and lots of mixures in between…

I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I AM KEEPING IT REAL!

Often times I wake up in the morning to a wreck of a house. Sink full of dishes, loads of laundry on the couch, living room floor covered in toys, bathtub still full of water from last nights bath (seriously I let out the water at 3am when I wake up with a sick baby or can’t sleep) and the kitchen floor oh my gawd disgusting and embarrassing. I wish I was one of those OCD people who can’t go to bed unless the house is picked up but I AM NOT. I think I am 3 moms wrapped in one beautiful pink haired package. Somedays I am the SAHM that lives in her robe all day, warms up the same cup of coffee until noon, colors, plays light sabers, breaks up fights, while trying to tackle the chores of the day and failing to complete one task.

Somedays I am the mom that lets my kids watch PBSKids, Disney Jr. and Nick Jr. almost all day long on any and all devices and we eat marshmallows for breakfast and IF we leave the house it is going to the carwash, Starbucks or Sonic drive thru. Or I am the go to work mom and feel like a chicken with my head cut off hustling and bustling to get everyone where they need to be and and my mom watches the boys and cleans my house, folds the laundry and does the dishes while I go to work a couple days a week. My mom is a superhero!

On a good day we might make it to the gym or have a play date in the morning and come home and eat lunch and pray for dual naps which only happens about once a week, if that. Then I can shower, watch some Bravo on the DVR or start dinner. But if both kids are asleep you bet your a$$ I am going to take a nap too. Hello we still have the witching hour, dinner, bath and bedtime. I need to plug in and recharge these old mama bones.

I honestly cook/prepare or microwave 18 meals a week for 4 people. I love to cook. I hate to clean up the mess. Dishes are my arch nemisis. Once they get done its time to eat again. We try to only eat out a few times a week and that is usually a drive thru. Plus the fact that handling 2 kids at a restaurant, one of which is literally allergic to Earth and air, is NOT worth the s#$%y $8 glass of chardonnay for my toddler to grab and spill it all over the table. I prefer to poor my own mommy pop whilst cooking dinner, doing squats and dancing to “pump up the jam” with the boys waiting for daddy to walk thru the door.


I bounce from one extreme to another. I am either making gluten, dairy, egg  and nut free pancakes and sausage covered in organic maple syrup for breakfast, then starting a pot roast in my dutch oven to cook all day or driving thru Wendy’s, Chik-Fil-A, Bueno or Quik Trip. Hey we do the best we can. Somedays I totally rock and make organic, grass fed, cage free, allergy friendly meals and others my boys eat fast food kids meals.

Today we stayed in our PJ’s and my beloved robe all day long. We watched way too much TV and did not leave the house. The boys helped me bake allergy friendly brownies and I made dinner and took food pics for an upcoming blog post. Last weekend we decided to freshen up our kitchen and we found some great deals from Marshalls and Target. My hubby hung new curtains and I got a couple of new rugs for the house. I am a rug freak. I have bought and thrown away way too many rugs.

 The reason I bring this up is because we have not had these things in our home for 5 days and tonight our older son spilled his frito chili pie all over our new rug!!!

  The saying you can’t have nice things when you have kids is 100% accurate.  And I kid you NOT, the baby pi$$ed all over the new rug in his nursery right after bath tonight!!! Ahhhh this is the real stuff people do not post on Fakebook. Or when your kid poops on the floor and hands it to you and your spouse says what is that and you both scream s#$%!!! Yep, that happened on Sunday.

But seriously I know how lucky I am that I get to stay home and watch my babies grow up. I love literally watching them grow. When they wake up in the morning or from a nap and they have changed. I will never get these days back. I never understood the saying “babies don’t keep” until recently. Looking back on these almost 4 years of motherhood it has been a beautiful blur of hugs, kisses, tears, fights, bills and I love you to the moon and backs.

 As long as they are happy, healthy, growing and glowing I am doing my job. I am not saying I do not want a clean house, the perfect matching seasonal outfits for my kids and my 22 year old sweet apple bottom back. I try really hard. But sometimes I have to stop. Stop and light my new bath and body works candle, pour a mommy pop, draw a bath and put on Adele and thank God for today and hope that tomorrow is a beautiful mess with the 3 ones I love the most.

Always keeping it real!
XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

One Okie Girl’s Style Evolution

First off, I usually do NOT do mirror selfies so please forgive!

Ok I come from a long line of sophisticated, sexy and well dressed women. I know it is hard to imagine a little girl from Oklahoma with so much style inspiration, but she exists.  My mother is, was and always will be the most gorgeous human being on this planet. Point. Period. Paragraph. 

She is my beacon of light, hope and solace. She is my ultimate style icon. We would play dress up and I would always admire her jewelry. 

My family loves to quote me, “Let’s go shopping! I need everything!”

When I was a little girl my mom said I would only wear dresses with black patent shoes. No pants. No tights. No tennis shoes. I preferred to be naked. And my cute little apples didn’t fall far from the tree. They love to match and prefer diapers and undies. 

I wore a uniform from age 5-17, so accessories and hair were everything!

I would flip my bags and curl my hair everyday and have temper tantrums if my hair sucked.

Going to private school, free dress days were rare and a big deal. Jeans, Doc Martens and an Abercrombie sweater was the usual choice. My mom made my homecoming dress and my senior prom dress. Yes she can sew. She is all sorts of amazing!

Off to College! Back then it was not all about game day couture, skirts and cowboy boots and looking like a hussy at 18. More like black pants, bare midriff, clunky heels and a fake ID.

Main Goals: Get into a sorority, go to as many date parties as possible, don’t get called to standards, collect tee shirts, workout, go to class and and make out with new boys.

After I conquered those, I only lasted a few years in that conformity then I ventured out on my own and learned a lot of valuable life lessons.

Don’t drink and drive. 

Mexi dips and chips, parliament lights and booze is not a good diet or life choice.

Being a bank teller, a size 8/10 and having short hair were all wrong for me.

Having 8 piercings at one time ended up being weird and uncool

(6 ear holes my belly button and my nose)

“Sinead O’Rebellion! Shock me,shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior,”

if you know that quote I love you! If you don’t, well then go rent Empire Records.

And finally, turns out Carrie Bradshaw and Britney Spears are not ideal role models.

I knew who I wanted to be and the life I wanted and thankfully I met the love of my life. He helped me become the real me! The perfect mixture of fun, sexy, classy and traditional with a touch of adventure. I found my confidence when I fell in love.

I found my own style. It’s a mix of Traditional, Funky, Classic, Trendy & Fun.

My fashion confessions

I love knockoffs (gasp) sometimes can’t afford the real stuff or justify it

I have never bought a Lululemon item

My favorite Item is my barefoot dreams Robe

I do go on Pinterest for inspiration

I love Uggs 

Wardrobe Must Haves

Skinny jeans

Black legging pants

Pink pop of color (Lips, purse, etc)

Jean jacket

Classic white tank/tee/button down

Leopard anything

Pearl stud earrings

Black pointed toe pumps

Mix gold and silver

I could go on and on…

I love that I have come full circle after working at a bank, retail in college, televison and now as a SAHM who works retail for fun. I love to play around with clothes and get creative. Fashion and outfits make me happy.

I have many style icons

Jacqueline Kennedy

CoCo Chanel

Audrey Hepburn

Marilyn Monroe

Carrie Bradshaw

Kate Hudson

Britney Spears

Gwen Stefani

Reese Witherspoon

Rachel Zoe

I follow several blogs and fashionistas on social media and each one owns their look. There is something about the female being that likes to feel pretty. Whether it be a black tie affair, date night, lunch with girlfriends, fancy active wear or your robe, when you feel pretty you glow and no one can take that away from you. Own it. Just be Happy!

A couple of famous quotes before I go tonight 

“Playing dress-up begins at age five and never truly ends.” —Kate Spade

“Clothes mean nothing until someone lives in them.” —Marc Jacobs

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.” —Yves Saint Laurent

XOXO Just Happy Mommy

P.S. Mama I love you! You are It, Everything and more.

Mommy Says Bad Words

You know why Mommy says bad words? Because she can no longer live in the fantasy world of no cussing. After only 4 years of parenting and 2 kids I have reached the “I don’t give a s***,” Mommy says bad words, level. 

In my very first blog post I promised a few things, one of which was to offend people. So I use curse words which is taboo language and considered offensive and innapropriate. Well I can be both of those things so hence why I enjoy cussing. 

If you don’t cuss well congrau****lations. Stop reading.

I love Jesus, but I cuss a little. This is not one of my faith filled posts. 

Over the holiday break my older son kept telling me, “Mommy you are on the naughty list because you say bad words.”  I responded with, “yes, yes I am, I’m sorry, I will try to do better.” Trying to set an example and clean up my potty mouth especially since I tell him not to say bad words. Do as I say, not as I do mantra. After 2 weeks together, hardly leaving the house, and everyone being sick, I lost it.

We had stopped at Whole Foods to get the baby allergy friendly food and a slice of pizza for brother. On the way home he asked to listen to the ‘Grinch’ song, then he wants to watch ‘Elf’ the movie. Mind you I am driving, but like many moms I have mastered the keeping your child happy while traveling is key, albeit unsafe. We were almost home and he says “mom the volume, I cant hear it.” As I turned I hit a HUGE pothole, the kind that could easily pop a tire. His pizza went flying to the floor and he started crying. I lost it. I said “F#$% YOUR PIZZA!!!”

I immediately apologized then I realized I created that little angel/monster. The one in the back seat that wants to hear his jams and watch a movie on a 10 minute ride home while eating a $4 slice of organic pizza!!!

We got home and I explained to him why mom got upset. Finally I said “honey that is just who I am.” Surprisingly he said “that’s ok Mommy, I love you just the way you are.” WOW. Ok cool.  

Saying a cuss word is better than throwing something or acting out in anger right?!

There is new scientific evidence out there that people who cuss have better vocabulary, are more attractive and have less stress… I don’t know if I believe it but HELL I will take it. Here are a few of the articles that back up this amazing claim. 

http://www.sciencealert.com/people-who-curse-a-lot-have-better-vocabularies-than-those-who-don-t-study-finds

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/people-curse-time-hotter-confident-less-stressed/994289/

So why do I cuss and other people do NOT? Well, believe it or not I grew up in a strict household. I got my mouth washed out with soap several times. Enough to remember it was not worth saying bad words. My mom doesn’t cuss and my father is an attorney, haha nuff said. My mom is a straight arrow republican and my dad is a hippie democrat. I think my siblings and I had the best of both growing up. We all took manners classes and cotillion. But we were not overly censored on what we watched or the music we listened to. 

I minded my P’s and Q’s until college and then I went loco in the cabeza. My husband is always getting on to me about my bad language. 

I own who I am and being a mom doesn’t change the fact that I cuss and I enjoy it. I know it is frowned upon in general and is extremely frowned upon to cuss on social media. I think the reason is because we are trying to be the best versions of ourselves on fake book yet we should strive to be our authentic selves. I will always try and tame my taboo words around others but I also think teaching my kids self expression and real life language is my perogative. 

Here are a few examples of why I cuss…

When you go check on your kid in the bathroom to find the sink overflowing, the toilet clogged and soap all over the mirror, I say WTF?!

When you see your child falling in slow mo and hit their head and you can’t quite get there in time to prevent the injury, I say S***!

When your kid wakes you up and says any of the following… “I peed my bed, I’m hungry, I don’t feel good, or just wake up and it is still dark outside, I say DA**it! 

When you are in the checkout line at the grocery store and you go to pay and realize that you do not have any form of payment because the baby got into your purse and threw your cards somewhere, so you leave with nothing but an empty cart and kids crying and screaming “the food, we need the food, I’m starving, mommy we need the food,” like we cant afford it and I am starving my kids. Meanwhile people are wide eyed and gawking. I want to look back at them and say do you think these clean, well dressed, adorable boys are mistreated or malnourished!??! I want to say “**** no!  So stop judging me you a**holes.”

I asked my son how he feels when I say bad words he said “Mommy I want you to be happy. Can you do that for me mommy? Just Be Happy.” 

Well Damn. Out of the mouth of babes. 

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy