LIFE. Peaks, valleys, mountains, plateaus and every natural disaster in between. How we weather these storms defines who we are, its called character. In some form or another I feel like I have experienced all of these things. “They” say when one part of your life is going great there is another part that has gone to shit. (Well I say the shit part.) Maybe you are kicking ass at work but missing out socially. Maybe you are fulfilled with family but yearn for something of your own. I know this to be true whether you have kids or not. Being an adult is hard. I said before in my first blog post ever that this is theraputic for me to write.
This last month I have been kicking ass at the parenting game. I was just talking with my friend about how I am waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop and have one of the kids get sick at Christmas. Well today it did and it was on my watch.
Let me back track a tad, we got our Christmas tree up and house decorated with lights on the outside the weekend of Thanksgiving. I ordered almost all of the boys gifts online and all but one has arrived. We went to see Santa and there were no tears. We baked gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nut free treats over the weekend and made deliveries to our friends and family members. And mailed out all our cards before the 14th. Things were going so well with the boys, aside from the fact that they fight over everything. I quickly realized we already need to purchase 2 of everything from now on, all the way down to toothbrushes.
Today was my older son’s school field trip to visit Santa. Even though we already went to Santa’s workshop last week, today we were going to Santa’s house with his school friends. His teachers send out a daily email and suggested we get the kids hot cocoa from Starbucks that was about 100 feet away. I offered to help. I am so excited to participate in school activities it is one of the HUGE perks of being a SAHM. Anyway I had the baby with me and without even thinking I rolled him into Starbucks and got myself a coffee, ordered the teachers drinks and picked up the hot cocoa for the class. As I was setting the drinks down on a table outside, my baby boy started coughing. It was NOT a normal cough. I got him out of the stroller and he was wheezing. I went over to see my older son who had just arrived by school bus and he was asking for his hot chocolate.
I immediately spring into panic mommy mode and ran to my car to give him Benadryl. I see one of my close and trusted mom friends and informed her that the baby was having an allergic reaction to the air in Starbucks and asked her to watch the older one for me. I drove so fast to the allergy clinic, thankfully it was not even a mile away. They let us right in and the nurses and one of the doctors checked his vitals and gave him 3 syringes full of medicine. He was ok. They told me I did the right thing. But I did NOT. I was so excited about the field trip and being like a home room mom that I didn’t think of my child’s life threatening food allergies. He is allergic to wheat, oats, eggs, dairy and nuts. I obviously did NOT intentionally put my child in harms way. The steamed milk in the air caused his reaction. We were in and out so quickly he still breathed it in and it was enough to cause him distress. He had a similar reaction a few months back in a Mexican restaurant because of the steam off fajitas. I was bawling hysterically and the dreaded mommy guilt and cloud of blame consumed me. I reached out to another mom who’s son has similar allergies. She said it is a learning process. We all make mistakes.
We had not had a reaction in months. Anyone who knows me knows how I am always diligent and on top of my shit. Today I slipped. Today the shoe dropped. This is proof that even the best moms make mistakes. Thank GOD he is ok. I am ok thanks to my mom, best friend and colonapin but I am reminded that this holiday season there is no perfect anything. We can get the matching Santa jams and elf PJ’s, send out the cutest Christmas card, bake allergy friendly treats, but when things seem to be going right I am usually apprehensive about what is next.
Clearly this could have been avoided but like I tell my boys we are all learning and we make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from the mistakes. My job is to be there for my kids no matter what. But I am learning that I cannot expect perfection from myself, nor can I live in self loathing or fear of what might happen next. I have to be thankful for all the peaks, valleys, mountains, volcanos because they make me the person that I am and without them we would take the little IMPORTANT things like breathing air for granted.
Tomorrow is a new day. I plan on doing a lot of praying tonight. Prayers of thankfulness, for guidance and for my boys. It is my job to protect my boys and I plan on doing that to the best of my ability. Cheers to sweet dreams, healthy babies and Starbucks drive thru. XOXO Just Happy Mommy