I’m sitting here in bed with a flood of emotions trickling down my face.

Feeling sad, feeling proud, feeling fear, love, & excitement. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a Very emotional person. I think the young kids say #allthefeels
Well tonight I’m crying because my first born is going to wake up tomorrow a kindergartener.

As a parent you know this day is coming but it seems so far away in the beginning. Some days you think ugh I can’t wait for the next phase or the next year. The first 5 years are all about firsts. BIG milestones: walking, talking, eating, tantrums, injuries and now REAL school.

But sitting here wiping snot on my newly stained dry erase marker duvet, I can hear my heart beating in my head. The love you feel for your child never stops. And the anxiety and change of big boy school is A LOT!

Why am I weeping? It’s not a tragedy. It’s a kid going to school. What’s the big deal?

It is a landmark moment.

I remember my mom and her BFF telling me stories recently about the first day of their kids kindergarten experience. She said you think it gets easier with each kid, but it doesn’t, it gets harder.

My mom tears up when she tells me this story about my younger brother’s first day of kindergarten.

After the bell rings and all the students have made their way into school the parents sit outside sobbing, hugging and consoling each other.

Is he going to be ok? Is he going to make friends? Did I get him everything he needs? Can’t we have just one more lazy morning cuddle with no plans or rules to follow?

It is a big deal.
This is when it all starts to count.
Choosing a path, choosing friends, choosing sports, choosing mom friends. Parenting politics, tardies, absences, truancy, detention etc.

Tomorrow is having to let go and letting the school bus the remaining shreds of the invisible umbilical cord.

I have prepared him. He is a reflection of me.

He is who I want to see in myself. I may be hard on him at times but my little boy is growing up.

I still get to teach him the most important things.
School is important but being a good person is more important.

Never stop dreaming.
Work hard.
You can do it.
I believe in you baby.
You got this.
Mommy loves you with all her heart.
Remember your manners and above all
listen to your heart.
If you find yourself lost and sad say a little prayer and I will be right there with you.

I will always love rocking you to sleep and singing our songs. Don’t forget that “you are my sunshine” and I will never forget “the way you look tonight,” I can’t wait to see “a whole new world” through your eyes.

I love you baby bear.

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