No I’m not talking about the “5 D’s of Dodgeball: Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.”
When you are married the D word means Divorce. And just like many curse words we whisper when we say it, like it will have less of an affect. We never used the D word before having kids. It is not an option. The past four years have been some of the best, yet hardest and stressful of our lives.
I remember him sending me hot pink roses on my college graduation day because he had to work at the car lot on Saturdays. We were so in love, the blind, no fear, no looking back, this is it, kind of love.
Even the happiest of marriages have peaks and valleys. It’s called the rollercoaster of love for a reason right?!?! We never lack passion, that’s for sure! But after going through many negative relationship cycles over the past few years we decided we needed a professional tune up. So we went to marriage counseling.
Here’s the deal, we know we love each other and we do NOT want to argue anymore. So in order to get back to the love that once came so easily, we are learning emotionally focused couples therapy. EFCT
I didn’t hesitate to share this with y’all because I made a promise to always keep it real. It worked! It’s been a few months now and honestly it’s the best decision we have made since having our boys and saying I do.
We fake it till we make it a lot in motherhood. But that shit don’t fly in marriage. Sometimes you need to step outside and ask for help. I don’t think it is a sign of weakness but of strength. My husband also agrees and he reads all of my blogs before I post them.
I think it’s refreshing to know when people admit to having issues. I think it makes us feel human. Don’t get me wrong I admire people who have a happy, healthy marriage. But what we were doing and dealing with wasn’t going down the yellow brick road. Also 12 years together is a really long time!
Thankfully we weren’t doing that bad but We needed to unscramble our priorities. God, spouse, kids, work, family, friends, money and the rest. We had it all mixed up. With everything we have endured over the last few years and explaining our situation, sitting on the shrinks couch, it was clear we needed this time together and to make an investment in us.
There are only so many hours you can cry to your mom and your best friends until they are like “I love you but y’all need a third party unbiased helper.”
I grew up old school and like most of my family and friends we keep marriage and family issues secret. Its like “nun ya nun ya biznass.”
Well I’ve got a news flash! We live in a new century and we are downloading the latest version of marriage. The world is faster and more stressful than ever before.
Even going to the beach, on vacation, to slow down was amazing, but our problems were still waiting for us when we got home and dumped the white sand out of our shoes.
After taking the first steps, calling, making an appointment and going together we were already better connected.
The last couple of months have been amazing. We got lost and now we are getting back on the path. The love we have for each other and our children is worth fighting for. We will never feel ashamed or apologize for working on ourselves or our marriage.
I hope that by sharing our journey, we can inspire other couples, who might be experiencing a road block, to get a marriage tune up and seek some counseling. Even tho smiles on social media can paint the perfect picture, things are never perfect. With faith, hope and love we can stand strong. I think this wedding anniversary will be the best one yet! I love you babe. Thank you for always loving me for better or worse. And thank you for taking care of me and the boys.
Just happy mommy