Everyday as a parent we pick our poison.

Let me explain. It is an expression. From Urban Dictionary:

What you say when someone’s supposed to choose between two horrible options.
You could either chop off your toe or you can stab yourself with that piece of broken glass. Pick your poison.

Parenting is also similar. Do you want to go to work all day and deal with babysitting adults or stay at home and referee the game called life between children half your size with double the attitude and energy.

Door #1 Do we want to stay home all day? Try doing a fun craft, only to make a mess and losing interest after 5 minutes?

Let’s color so we can fight over whose coloring book is whose and leave the lids off the markers. Leaving me the only one coloring and stop to hear them fighting over an amazon prime box.

I got the boys a fun sprinkler and they looked at me like, “what now???”

“Um you go play in it.”

“No it’s too hot, lets go swimming at Meme and Poppy’s house.”

“Ah yes, of course, makes perfect sense, I forgot you are spoiled brats.”

Ok great let’s stay inside and fight, scream and watch TV all day while I get to do my chores like clean house, do laundry, pay bills etc.??? When was the last time I washed my hair?

Insert the judgey mom reading inner monologue:

“why don’t they play with their toys or you read them a book or color or play a game?”

My response: “Why don’t you come over and witness why I don’t do that. Because they fight constantly and I’m f$&%ing tired ok?!?!”

Door #2 Go to the gym & kids club?

Of course you have to get there first which means getting dressed and making sure they have eaten and peed. Once we finally get there I have lost all motivation.

Then I remember the whining and crying. Get on it and blast my Hip Hop BBQ Pandora station. Those jams takes me back to when I was in college, hot single and ready to dance on tables.

Snap back to reality, oh there goes my kids again screaming that they are hungry for the $2 bag of chips.

Door #3 If you are really feeling like super mom you take the kids swimming, because that is just so fun! NOT!

Awesome, let’s scream bloody murder because the fancy organic sunscreen I bought is taking over your body and I am about to call a priest for an exorcism.

Once we get in the water it becomes operation don’t drown.

Do not kid yourself, I had to jump in after my littlest jumped in this summer in a sundress and sandals.

His response being “What? I can do it fur-out (without) my jumper!”

Heart-attack aside he and everyone has fun but not even an hour goes by and “Oh good you’re hungry and hot. Ok let’s go get in the 106 degree car and go home, because one of my kids literally can’t eat crap from a drive thru.”

Mine are usually screaming about how NOT tired they are.

Is there ever an answer like “ok mommy I’ll take a nap,” in the history of life?

Every single parent knows the epic fight to the death Nap Time. My little angels have to be bribed or threatened with NO MORE TOYS EVER to get them to even lie down. 

Door #4 Let’s go run errands together! Spending money like breathing air and trying to win at the mom game. I tried something different today and it went ok… first we went to the Dollar Tree and I let them pick out 5 things each.

My 5 year old wanted a ninja turtles keychain for his backpack for kindergarten and he wants to collect all 4 before school starts in 23 days and hell yes I am counting. Anyway he has to do simple things and chores to earn these trinkets.

So they each get a basket and make their choices and we check out. In the car at the car wash I explain that if they are rude, whine, scream, fight or cry I take a toy away.

Cool. I chose NOT to go to the gym and decided to tackle an errand I have been avoiding for weeks. But I literally could not go another day without paper towels. I know it’s bad for the environment but it’s my thing. I freaking love paper towels.

Costco with the boys.

Yes I did it and survived.

Holding those dollar tree toys over their heads worked beautifully to my advantage. Of course they had to pee twice but we made it home in one piece and under $300.

Don’t you think I forgot to mention how we are thankful to have these first world problems. Blah Blah Blah. #thankful #grateful #blessed  Y a Y a Ya we get it. But I do NOT feel happy when my son decides to run away from me in a store (Lowes, Home Goods and Target to name a few this week) like I am kidnapping him.  Not feeling super blessed when he proceeds to kick and scream and cry so hard that the entire store stops to see what the hell is going on . We finally get to the car and he kicks me in the eye with his Keens as I try to buckle him in the carseat.   Meanwhile patrons are walking by and prolly thinking “should I call the police?”

As I am yelling, “NO, its ok, he looks exactly like me, I swear I am not hurting him, just having a 2.5 year old fit about nothing.”

Some days we die from the choice and continue on. Just like in video games. These scenarios are all true by the way and I have been having haunting memories of one of my first blog posts TARGET TRIP FROM HELL.

Why do we continue on parenting? Because we love the s#$% out of our kids.

Because there are these rare magical days when things go right! When no one fights, shits their pants, complains or whines.

These once in a blue moon days when you feel like a rockstar mom and God is smiling down on you giving you a back stage pass to parenting heaven.

When your kids come up to you and say, “Mommy I heart you. You are the best mommy in the whole world. I love you with my whole heart to infinity.”

That is why.

Because we know how amazing we and our kids are and can be.

If it wasn’t hard everyone would do it well and there would be no a$$holes in the world. DUH?!

People say that our kids are a reflection of ourselves or tiny versions of us. There is a LOT of truth to that and I agree, but we can still help teach, mold and lead them to being awesome individuals.

This is why stay at home parents need a break. Not a night out. Not a date night. All of which are fun and important. But a real break from spouses and kids. A little getaway.

We run this bitch.

But we get beat down. But we always get back up.

My best friend and I have the same day dream. And we text each other almost everyday like sexting,

“you know what sounds good?”

“What?”

“Going out of town for the weekend and eating a huge meals with wine and dessert. Then going to our freezing cold, dark, fancy hotel with a king sized bed and watching a Bravo marathon going to sleep by 9 overnight. Workout every morning, shop, nap and do it all over again.”

“Ooooo my gawd!!! Yes! Oh and no cell phones allowed!”

“Swoon.”

Now if you don’t think this sounds like the best mommy getaway ever, then, I think we should break up.

So put on your comfy post pregnancy panties and dream of the days when you are granted the peace and serenity of happy, healthy babies.

Let’s not forget that we are the lucky ones who get to care for these gorgeously, insane, little beings. We are always under construction.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

PS- My husband wants me to stop cussing HAHAHAHAHAHA

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