We are eaten up by nothing.
There is no work life balance. There is only life. Where we choose to put our focus is where our energy flows. Life is about choices and we are in control of those choices and we ultimately decide what to give a f*ck about.
Lately I have been soul searching and ferociously reading. My latest favorite is: “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*uck!”
I have felt so down and lost. I haven’t written in a LONG time.
During the holidays I wanted to focus on my people. I took a long break, went off and on social media. Then it got harder to jump back into this blogging social media world.
I had to be my authentic self, but me wasn’t happy or pretty. I think it’s safe to say I have shared more than most normal people even share in a friendship, let alone pouring my juggler into written word.
That was a choice. To share my rocky marriage. To share my fear, sadness and despair over my sisters health. Sharing my unfiltered journey as a mother and finally sharing the thing that is sadly still so misunderstood and undiagnosed, suffering from anxiety and depression.
People look at me and think what does that b*tch have to complain about? And on the surface you are right. I have a husband, 2 bad a$$ kids, a living mother, father, sister, brother, 1 grandma a mother-in-law I really like and countless other relatives and hands down the best friends.
But I felt so alone and crippled by my anxiety and choices. I had to step back and just be home with my people. Blogging was nonexistent.
Things happen, but we get to choose how we react and handle them. I had to learn this.
“It’s not happening TO you, it’s happening FOR you.”
Whoa, ya re-read that one. Thank you yoga classes.
But here is the thing. It’s a lot easier to get up and keep going when you feel loved, supported, encouraged and appreciated.
Thank you GOD for my people. Thank you for my babe, mom, sister, my babies and my girlfriends. You know who you are. The ones who see me! The ones who love me. The girls who inspire me, love me, encourage me, challenge me, give it to me straight and believe in me without cause, reason or regret. I thank you for everything.
Being a perfectionist, suffering from anxiety, depression, trying to be the best at life, while feeling lost is a f*cking mess. But on the bright side I have people telling me I’m killing it.
Unfortunately, there will always be haters but again, if we choose to listen to those venomous lies, then we too will turn into miserable snakes. I refuse! My boys are too important. My life matters.
This society has us eaten up with NOTHING! Nothing that really fuels us or matters in the long run.
My mom always cries when she tells me this Maya Angelou quote “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Amen!
My latest fear is the lack of feelings people have. But don’t you worry, I have enough emotions and feelings to cover you for today.
But seriously, I see more human robots than humans. People with soulless, blank stares, walking though life like programmed robots. Feelings? Caring about someone other than myself, errr computing, can’t feel, don’t understand, crash, burn, reboot! The lack of empathy today terrifies me.
We can all use a reboot sometimes. It can be as small as reprogramming your booty to eat better, go to the gym, turning off your phone and get some sleep. As I write this on my iPhone at 4:36am. Rebooting your focus. Putting your energy where you think it matters. Choosing what to give a f*uck about.
I love my husband, kids, my family and my friends. Getting more than that is just the 4th meal in life. It’s the extra. Being thankful for that life and your people is essential.
Show your love with actions! Send someone a sweet text, write a card just because, get your kid that balloon, tell your husband what to do, listen to your gut, follow your heart and be present in this life.
I’m in the process of practicing this sermon and making the choices necessary to live my best life.
Right now that looks like blogging on the couch, going to check on my sleeping babies, eating cereal out of a coffee mug and debating if I should go to the gym.
So finally, thank you for sticking with me. As always, I’m keeping it real. If I offend you, F off and don’t read. Because there are a million other blogs out there trying to sell you some sh*t that doesn’t matter.
You matter. You are enough.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Xoxo, Just Happy Mommy