Today is Christmas in July. I can’t believe in 6 months it will be Christmas! My most favorite time of the year. Reflecting back on the holiday makes me happy.

I decided to do something I haven’t done all summer. Treat myself to a morning of doing absolutely nothing. After I dropped the boys off at summer camp I decided I deserved 2 hours to myself.
The last 5 days of summer fun have been busy swimming, cooking, sweating, cleaning, hustling and bustling. I thought “hey I need some ME time.” And not apologize for it. If it’s Christmas in July after all, I might as well give myself the best gift of all and that is time.
Time to pray. Time to meditate. Time to write. Time to breathe. Sit in bed and do nothing until pickup.
My best friend told me about an app called HeadSpace so I thought “hey why not try it.” I’m so glad I downloaded it because now I can’t wait for tomorrow’s meditation session. It’s amazing how stopping and taking 10 minutes can change your whole head space.
Looking out my bedroom windows and seeing the sunlight dance on the leaves in the breeze and hearing birds chirping and the humm of the refrigerator in the kitchen is calming. It’s 100 degrees again today and in 6 months it will be freezing. I have to remind myself to stop and be thankful for all the days and all the moments. Before you know it it could be too late and you don’t know how to stop being busy.
Lately thinking of all the things going on in my life makes me sad. Why am I living an unhappy life? Recent family conflict and my sissy’s unanswered health questions are top of mind.
Fear is control.

Control is an illusion.
Suffering from fear, depression and anxiety sucks. Even tho I know I have so much to be thankful for, deep down, I’m sad. Seeking help, taking medication and surrounding yourself with supportive and loving people is the key. But what happens when those people and connections break down? Or you cannot spend quality time with the ones you love and miss the most. Are we too busy to give the greatest gift of all to those we love the most?! Our time.
Stop and give yourself some time. I am seeking some inner peace and praying in desperation for my fears to stop taking control. I don’t have to get everything done. I don’t have to be perfect. The pressure I put on myself is exhausting.
As always I’m Looking forward to Christmas this year. I want to do what my boys and family want to do and not succumb to what is expected of me. The holiday gets lost in the hustle and bustle and the commitments of time and money. Really stopping to think “is this going to make me happy?”
So here’s to beating this heat and dreaming of a white Christmas. Im looking forward and not behind.
Xoxo
Just Happy Mommy

4 Comments

  1. These last few posts have made me weepy! Preach preach! Thanks for always sharing with honesty and self-compassion Kristy. Today has been “one of those days” too but your blog lifted me out. At the same time, I just watched the Michelle Obama DNC speech** and her words along with yours, arrived at the right time to give me the strength to power through this day like a champ! And whether you support the Dems or not, her speech was about family and fortitude, just like your blog. And sometimes, all we need is that extra support and encouragement from our sisters. Thanks!

    ** https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/national/watch-michelle-obamas-full-speech-at-the-democratic-convention/2016/07/25/83f74dc4-52d8-11e6-b652-315ae5d4d4dd_video.html

  2. Kristy, you have no idea how much this post meant to me and how it came right at the perfect moment. It was if you were speaking directly to me. 2015 was a tough year, there were moments where I literally thought I was going to lose myself, everything from trying to shake off postpartum depression, getting my career back on track, all while trying to figure out how to be a great Mom/wife/daughter/friend, had really taken its toll! I’d decided 2016 was going to be different – my main goal would be PEACE. Inner peace, peace of mind, peace in my home, staying peaceful no matter what happened in the world, at work, or at home. I started out meditating every day at least 30 min., listening to guided meditations by Dr. Robert Eric Dinenberg or just playing spa music while I cleared my mind, focused on being calm. Eventually, it became like a chore. Something extra I had on my To Do list, found myself not sticking my goal, prioritizing other things over it. The recent racial tension that’s been going on in our country, has really disturbed me, – no one seems to want to talk about it! And it’s been stressing me, ‘how do I teach my son about racism? What will I do when he inevitably says something inappropriate?’ There are some days at my job where I feel like I’m number one w/a silver bullet flying up the ladder. But, then others, when after being up w/ the baby all night, I feel like some kind of special needs child just wandering the halls! For the racial tension issues, I’ve found solace in the Free Hugs Project. It really helps get me stay focused on the kind of spirit and attitude I want to carry in my heart about these types of global issues. But I didn’t really realize I had so carelessly abandoned my own inner peace until I read your blog post last night!!! Your last 2 posts have meant so much to me personally, Kristy. It’s so great to feel supported, know I’m not alone in my need for inner peace & my struggle to maintain it. I can’t wait to try the headspace App. Here’s links to Dr. Dinenbergs’ meditations and to the Free Hugs Project. Please keep doing your thang, sweet mama! We need you! We support you! You are awesome! <3<3<3

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/guided-meditations/id359071630

    http://freehugsproject.com/

    • Wow. I have tears in my eyes as I read your comment. I can’t tell you how much I too needed your response this morning. Thank you so much. I feel so proud and happy that I have touched you. It’s has been a tough few weeks and I appreciate your kind words. I am excited to check out the Free Hugs project. I’ve never heard of it. But hey some of the best things in life are free, like hugs ????
      I will keep writing and I hope you will keep reading. Your support is making me beam this morning! Xoxo

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