Source: Mean Mom Judgy Eyes
You know what the meanest things you can ask someone who is suffering from depression?
Are you still taking your meds? Regularly?
Are you going to see your therapist?
Are you ok?
You are crazy.
Wow. Really?! Pretty sure those are the worst things to say or ask someone who is struggling. (Obviously not coming from your doctor or trusted family or friends.)
Depression is a mental health condition. Like any other infection or disease it requires medical diagnosis and treatment. But when someone admits they need help and seeks treatment that should NEVER be thrown back into their face. Would you dare tell an anorexic person to put down their food or call them fat?! Hell no!
When I chose to share my blog and explain the title Just Happy Mommy I was putting it out there that I suffered from post partum depression and now both depression and anxiety. And after watching NBC Nightly News tonight and their coverage on depression. I decided I should expand on it.
They are calling for all adults to have a mental health check for depression, especially in new moms.
After having our first son we had a lot of MAJOR changes going on in our home life but I got thru it after a few months, so it was situational. The second time around I knew something was off. I never had evil thoughts of hurting myself or my babies. I just knew I wasn’t myself so I called my doctors and we started a low dose anti depressant. It’s not like moms choose this, quite the opposite. We feel embarrassed and broken and disappointed in ourselves. Also I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not fishing for compliments. I know I am not a celebrity who can bring real awareness but I’m a mom not a lot of people would think has these issues. I am a happy person. I love life. But I needed help and that’s ok.
There are many levels and types of depression. Major, bipolar, seasonal, psychotic, Post Partum, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Situational Depression. http://www.m.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types
The stigma of depression sucks! It doesn’t mean that every depressed person is manic or bipolar or suicidal or dangerous. Usually a combination of medication, therapy exercise and life changes can do the trick. A sorority sister introduced me to a great website and movement called WE GET DEPRESSED. Bringing awareness and acceptance to depression.
There is NO LOOK of depression. It can affect anyone, at any age and is very serious but there is help and hope. I love the quote from Clueless when Cher says “She’s a full on Monet. From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.” And “Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all,” from The Breakfast Club.
Painting a pretty picture of what you think other people want to see is a job in and of itself. Feelings of inadequacy and even failure can haunt even the strongest person. There are studies showing that social media use can feed anxiety and increase a persons feeling of inadequacy. When we go on social media sometimes it is not a fun thing because we see things we want or don’t have or realize we weren’t included. Sometimes we are not in the mindset of “oh isn’t that great!”, instead we think “FU!” So until we can truly love ourselves, our situation and own it without fear of rejection or giving zero Fs we will be at the mercy of the LIKE button.
We are still learning this new world of social media and the affects it has on us. IMHO I think that social media can pose a threat to our mental health and well being, while at the same time it can be POSITIVE, SUPPORTIVE, EDUCATIONAL & FUN! I struggle with “is this safe? fun? or should I just quit participating all together?”
Last year I gave up social media for Lent which is a Christian observation where you choose to give up something or challenge yourself for the 40 days leading up to Easter because Jesus went 40 days and nights fasting in the desert and being tempted by the devil. At first it was hard then when Easter came I did not know if I wanted to rejoin the cult.
It has become part of our daily lives whether we admit it or not. Until getting a job in TV out of college I did NOT have Facebook. It was not until after we got married that my husband and our friends started to participate. At first it was super fun and cool then it started to go political, rude and annoying. People use social media for so many reasons; business, family connections, social networking, education, advice, etc. it is like the new yellow pages. When used properly and positively it is great, when used as a way to bully people who commit suicide it is REALLY BAD!
How do we protect our kids? I have put myself and my kids in a semi dangerous place because I have chosen to put our lives online. My sweet, innocent, little nuggets who may live to resent me and my online sharing choices. The reason I started my blog was to share my life experiences in hopes of connecting and helping at least one person. I am thrilled to say that I have accomplished that. But should I stop sharing my real life stories of being a mom of 2 kids? And stop posting pictures of my adorable kids for fear that some crazy ass is going to try to come kill me and my family because of what I posted online? To answer your question prolly. But will I? Prolly not. The struggle is real. There is no way of controlling social media as long as we live in America and the Constitutional 1st Amendment rights protect our freedoms of speech and press.
So from someone who suffers from depression, anxiety and is addicted to social media I urge you to either enjoy the ignorance is bliss mentality or get scared out of your mind because we are all dialed in and obsessed!
Just happy mommy
I have gotten a lot of positive feedback about my blog posts. Mostly “thank you’s” for keeping it real. Ya’ll said you wanted real so here it is…Somedays are solid “Mommy is a bad a$$” victories, others are miserable, “is it nap/bed time yet?” failures and lots of mixures in between…
I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I AM KEEPING IT REAL!
Often times I wake up in the morning to a wreck of a house. Sink full of dishes, loads of laundry on the couch, living room floor covered in toys, bathtub still full of water from last nights bath (seriously I let out the water at 3am when I wake up with a sick baby or can’t sleep) and the kitchen floor oh my gawd disgusting and embarrassing. I wish I was one of those OCD people who can’t go to bed unless the house is picked up but I AM NOT. I think I am 3 moms wrapped in one beautiful pink haired package. Somedays I am the SAHM that lives in her robe all day, warms up the same cup of coffee until noon, colors, plays light sabers, breaks up fights, while trying to tackle the chores of the day and failing to complete one task.
Somedays I am the mom that lets my kids watch PBSKids, Disney Jr. and Nick Jr. almost all day long on any and all devices and we eat marshmallows for breakfast and IF we leave the house it is going to the carwash, Starbucks or Sonic drive thru. Or I am the go to work mom and feel like a chicken with my head cut off hustling and bustling to get everyone where they need to be and and my mom watches the boys and cleans my house, folds the laundry and does the dishes while I go to work a couple days a week. My mom is a superhero!
On a good day we might make it to the gym or have a play date in the morning and come home and eat lunch and pray for dual naps which only happens about once a week, if that. Then I can shower, watch some Bravo on the DVR or start dinner. But if both kids are asleep you bet your a$$ I am going to take a nap too. Hello we still have the witching hour, dinner, bath and bedtime. I need to plug in and recharge these old mama bones.
I honestly cook/prepare or microwave 18 meals a week for 4 people. I love to cook. I hate to clean up the mess. Dishes are my arch nemisis. Once they get done its time to eat again. We try to only eat out a few times a week and that is usually a drive thru. Plus the fact that handling 2 kids at a restaurant, one of which is literally allergic to Earth and air, is NOT worth the s#$%y $8 glass of chardonnay for my toddler to grab and spill it all over the table. I prefer to poor my own mommy pop whilst cooking dinner, doing squats and dancing to “pump up the jam” with the boys waiting for daddy to walk thru the door.
I bounce from one extreme to another. I am either making gluten, dairy, egg and nut free pancakes and sausage covered in organic maple syrup for breakfast, then starting a pot roast in my dutch oven to cook all day or driving thru Wendy’s, Chik-Fil-A, Bueno or Quik Trip. Hey we do the best we can. Somedays I totally rock and make organic, grass fed, cage free, allergy friendly meals and others my boys eat fast food kids meals.
Today we stayed in our PJ’s and my beloved robe all day long. We watched way too much TV and did not leave the house. The boys helped me bake allergy friendly brownies and I made dinner and took food pics for an upcoming blog post. Last weekend we decided to freshen up our kitchen and we found some great deals from Marshalls and Target. My hubby hung new curtains and I got a couple of new rugs for the house. I am a rug freak. I have bought and thrown away way too many rugs.
The saying you can’t have nice things when you have kids is 100% accurate. And I kid you NOT, the baby pi$$ed all over the new rug in his nursery right after bath tonight!!! Ahhhh this is the real stuff people do not post on Fakebook. Or when your kid poops on the floor and hands it to you and your spouse says what is that and you both scream s#$%!!! Yep, that happened on Sunday.
But seriously I know how lucky I am that I get to stay home and watch my babies grow up. I love literally watching them grow. When they wake up in the morning or from a nap and they have changed. I will never get these days back. I never understood the saying “babies don’t keep” until recently. Looking back on these almost 4 years of motherhood it has been a beautiful blur of hugs, kisses, tears, fights, bills and I love you to the moon and backs.
As long as they are happy, healthy, growing and glowing I am doing my job. I am not saying I do not want a clean house, the perfect matching seasonal outfits for my kids and my 22 year old sweet apple bottom back. I try really hard. But sometimes I have to stop. Stop and light my new bath and body works candle, pour a mommy pop, draw a bath and put on Adele and thank God for today and hope that tomorrow is a beautiful mess with the 3 ones I love the most.
Always keeping it real!
Just Happy Mommy
You know that scene from Liar Liar with Jim Carrey after he has sex with his coworker and she asks “was it good for you?” And He can’t lie and responds with “I’ve had better.” Bahahaha well…
For the next month people are going to ask… “How was your Christmas?” The autocorrect response is “Great!” right?
If you really had a great Christmas then congratulations. I think the odds are not forever in our favor as we get older and add more humans to the mix. Let me explain. We have 2 kids, the odds of one of them being sick on any given holiday are 50/50. The more kids, grandkids, cousins etc more germs right?!
Tuesday baby gets sick and continues to run a high 100-104 temp for 4 days including Christmas on Friday.
Friday its Christmas morning and we skip breakfast and miss my grandmas gathering because my Sissy is doing terrible, my mom is super sick and my sweet husband just got back from Walgreens with a bag of meds for himself.
The day started off great I got to snake a clogged toilet full of shit, which takes the one liner “shitters full” to a very smelly reality. Kids and toilet paper don’t mix.
We get to my parents and everyone opens an insane amount of gifts. We are so spoiled oh wait I mean #blessed
We got my dad a turntable because he has stacks and stacks of records that he can’t listen to and he is a music lover/freak.
My Dads present breaks and then the meltdowns start.From the baby to my 62 year old mom. Like dominoes falling, another one bites the dust.
I look at my brother, who just flew into town last night from California, and he has a look of sadness and what the hell do I do?! Well we got the hell out of dodge and came home.
Screaming kids and the baby drops a wooden play tool box on my toe as I bathe, lotion and pajama the little angels. I’m Look up and realize I’m forced to watch Star Wars and Jurassic world over and over.
Mama needs some Bravo, chocolate and a cocktail.
What if we were not able to lie.
I would have to say I’ve had better Christmases than this year….
You know you are a 33 year old mom when you get a box of coffee, frying pans, socks, soap, gum, an Aquarium membership, lip plumper and under eye patches from your husband, kids and parents. So I will be a fresh, awake, bright eyed and pouty lipped when you see me kicking it at the aquarium with my new socks on! Holler! All ready to bake a mean casserole.
Soooo the bright side since I’m just happy mommy. Is…
I have all these people!
I am lucky!
I have my husband, 2 boys, mom, dad, sister, brother, grandma, and lots of extended family plus all my in laws. Not to mention my BFFs you know who you are.
Family is everything.
It’s not about diamonds, champagne, shrimp cocktail and fancy active wear, all of which were on my list but you don’t get to keep them in your heart.
My family is the only thing in the world that matters. Period. The end.
Leave it to my dad to put it all in perspective he texted me tonight and said
“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do. I love you.”
Xoxo just happy mommy
My oldest son told me tonight that “Im a Santa and I am in charge of Christmas! T-Rex the elf told me I’m the king of Christmas and I need you to take me to my workshop!” Bahahaha
If you have been living under a rock for the last 10 years here is the deal. Elf on the Shelf is “a fun-filled Christmas tradition that’s captured the hearts of children everywhere who welcome home one of Santa’s scout elves each holiday season. The elves are magical helpers that help Santa Claus manage his naughty and nice lists by reporting back to him at the North Pole nightly,” according to www.elfontheshelf.com.
Basically it is a wonderful tool to help keep your kid from whining and being a brat at Christmas time.
Like many first time parents I was so excited to purchase this HOT item for our little guy. He was not quite 2 but I still insisted that we NEEDED an Elf, even though he could have cared less. We drove out to our friend’s pharmacy where they have a cute little gift shop. Of course little man is all over the toys, trains, puzzles and is having a total melt down that he can’t have a toy. So I just grabbed an Elf off the big display table, checkout with the screaming toddler and get the hell out of there.
When we got home I was so excited to get it out and learn more about our new little friend. Again this Elf was more for me than for our son LOL. As I read more about it there are several different elves, boy and girl elves, light skinned, dark skinned, blonde, red, brown and black hair, with blue or brown eyes. I thought that is awesome there are multiracial elves for all kids. As I opened the box I noticed the one I grabbed in a tizzy was pretty tan and had black hair. We are a blonde haired, blue eyed, white family so we adopted an African American Elf. My husband and I thought it was pretty hilarious so we named him Kanye. (Disclaimer: This is not racist, just a true story and if it offends you then don’t read my blog)
Fast forward to present day, our first son is almost 4 and the baby is 15 months. My husband invited the Elf back a little early this year because he was spotted when he was cleaning out the garage. He has a new name T-Rex the Elf. We read him the book and explained all the rules. He is a BIG deal now and more of a pain for me (oh the irony.) So like a lot of moms I started looking up cute ideas for our Elf on Pinterest. I pinned a few, like having the elf taking a bubble bath in the sink filled with cotton balls, and a printable Captain America mask and shield that fits the elf. Yesterday I was looking at my holiday Pinterest board not paying attention and my son points at the screen and says “Mommy look at that. Oh man, that is a Captain America Elf, like me! We have to get him!” Dammit. Pinterest Fail!
Also another thing many parents can relate to is the lack of Christmas decorations that survive toddlers. We can only decorate the top half of our tree because the baby has shattered 3 ornaments already. Anyway Daddy had placed T-Rex on a branch on the Christmas tree and I had forgotten all about it. I was fluffing the branches out to finish decorating the tree and our son screams “Mommy!!! T-Rex fell! He is supposed to fly. Mommy he lost his powers. Do NOT touch him!” PANIC! I said “Oh NO I am so sorry. It is ok. I won’t touch him. We will get some tongs and put him back in the tree. It’s ok baby.” He is crying at this point. SHIT! I got some salad tongs and pick him up and shove him into the tree. “His hat! He lost his hat!” he says. “Ok he will fix his hat tonight at Santa’s workshop,” then I turned on Paw Patrol and all was right with the world.
I love having T-Rex the Elf at our house because he has the perfect leverage to get our boys to behave. Threaten Christmas and being on the naughty list he almost immediately apologizes and straightens up. But oh how the tables have turned, now if I cuss or get frustrated (all the time) he tells me “Mommy T-Rex is watching you, you are going to be on the naughty list.” Cheers to our special Elf visitors, mommy being on the naughty list and all the Amazon boxes arriving this month! XOXO