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#reallife 

I have gotten a lot of positive feedback about my blog posts. Mostly “thank you’s” for keeping it real. Ya’ll said you wanted real so here it is…Somedays are solid “Mommy is a bad a$$” victories, others are miserable, “is it nap/bed time yet?” failures and lots of mixures in between…

I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I AM KEEPING IT REAL!

Often times I wake up in the morning to a wreck of a house. Sink full of dishes, loads of laundry on the couch, living room floor covered in toys, bathtub still full of water from last nights bath (seriously I let out the water at 3am when I wake up with a sick baby or can’t sleep) and the kitchen floor oh my gawd disgusting and embarrassing. I wish I was one of those OCD people who can’t go to bed unless the house is picked up but I AM NOT. I think I am 3 moms wrapped in one beautiful pink haired package. Somedays I am the SAHM that lives in her robe all day, warms up the same cup of coffee until noon, colors, plays light sabers, breaks up fights, while trying to tackle the chores of the day and failing to complete one task.

Somedays I am the mom that lets my kids watch PBSKids, Disney Jr. and Nick Jr. almost all day long on any and all devices and we eat marshmallows for breakfast and IF we leave the house it is going to the carwash, Starbucks or Sonic drive thru. Or I am the go to work mom and feel like a chicken with my head cut off hustling and bustling to get everyone where they need to be and and my mom watches the boys and cleans my house, folds the laundry and does the dishes while I go to work a couple days a week. My mom is a superhero!

On a good day we might make it to the gym or have a play date in the morning and come home and eat lunch and pray for dual naps which only happens about once a week, if that. Then I can shower, watch some Bravo on the DVR or start dinner. But if both kids are asleep you bet your a$$ I am going to take a nap too. Hello we still have the witching hour, dinner, bath and bedtime. I need to plug in and recharge these old mama bones.

I honestly cook/prepare or microwave 18 meals a week for 4 people. I love to cook. I hate to clean up the mess. Dishes are my arch nemisis. Once they get done its time to eat again. We try to only eat out a few times a week and that is usually a drive thru. Plus the fact that handling 2 kids at a restaurant, one of which is literally allergic to Earth and air, is NOT worth the s#$%y $8 glass of chardonnay for my toddler to grab and spill it all over the table. I prefer to poor my own mommy pop whilst cooking dinner, doing squats and dancing to “pump up the jam” with the boys waiting for daddy to walk thru the door.

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I bounce from one extreme to another. I am either making gluten, dairy, egg  and nut free pancakes and sausage covered in organic maple syrup for breakfast, then starting a pot roast in my dutch oven to cook all day or driving thru Wendy’s, Chik-Fil-A, Bueno or Quik Trip. Hey we do the best we can. Somedays I totally rock and make organic, grass fed, cage free, allergy friendly meals and others my boys eat fast food kids meals.

Today we stayed in our PJ’s and my beloved robe all day long. We watched way too much TV and did not leave the house. The boys helped me bake allergy friendly brownies and I made dinner and took food pics for an upcoming blog post. Last weekend we decided to freshen up our kitchen and we found some great deals from Marshalls and Target. My hubby hung new curtains and I got a couple of new rugs for the house. I am a rug freak. I have bought and thrown away way too many rugs.

 The reason I bring this up is because we have not had these things in our home for 5 days and tonight our older son spilled his frito chili pie all over our new rug!!!

  The saying you can’t have nice things when you have kids is 100% accurate.  And I kid you NOT, the baby pi$$ed all over the new rug in his nursery right after bath tonight!!! Ahhhh this is the real stuff people do not post on Fakebook. Or when your kid poops on the floor and hands it to you and your spouse says what is that and you both scream s#$%!!! Yep, that happened on Sunday.

But seriously I know how lucky I am that I get to stay home and watch my babies grow up. I love literally watching them grow. When they wake up in the morning or from a nap and they have changed. I will never get these days back. I never understood the saying “babies don’t keep” until recently. Looking back on these almost 4 years of motherhood it has been a beautiful blur of hugs, kisses, tears, fights, bills and I love you to the moon and backs.

 As long as they are happy, healthy, growing and glowing I am doing my job. I am not saying I do not want a clean house, the perfect matching seasonal outfits for my kids and my 22 year old sweet apple bottom back. I try really hard. But sometimes I have to stop. Stop and light my new bath and body works candle, pour a mommy pop, draw a bath and put on Adele and thank God for today and hope that tomorrow is a beautiful mess with the 3 ones I love the most.

Always keeping it real!
XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

I've had better ????

You know that scene from Liar Liar with Jim Carrey after he has sex with his coworker and she asks “was it good for you?” And He can’t lie and responds with “I’ve had better.” Bahahaha well…

For the next month people are going to ask… “How was your Christmas?” The autocorrect response is “Great!” right? 

If you really had a great Christmas then congratulations. I think the odds are not forever in our favor as we get older and add more humans to the mix. Let me explain. We have 2 kids, the odds of one of them being sick on any given holiday are 50/50. The more kids, grandkids, cousins etc more germs right?! 

Tuesday baby gets sick and continues to run a high 100-104 temp for 4 days including Christmas on Friday. 

Friday its Christmas morning and we skip breakfast and miss my grandmas gathering because my Sissy is doing terrible, my mom is super sick and my sweet husband just got back from Walgreens with a bag of meds for himself. 

The day started off great I got to snake a clogged toilet full of shit, which takes the one liner “shitters full” to a very smelly reality. Kids and toilet paper don’t mix.

We get to my parents and everyone opens an insane amount of gifts. We are so spoiled oh wait I mean #blessed 

We got my dad a turntable because he has stacks and stacks of records that he can’t listen to and he is a music lover/freak. 

My Dads present breaks and then the meltdowns start.From the baby to my 62 year old mom. Like dominoes falling, another one bites the dust. 

I look at my brother, who just flew into town last night from California, and he has a look of sadness and what the hell do I do?! Well we got the hell out of dodge and came home. 

Screaming kids and the baby drops a wooden play tool box on my toe as I bathe, lotion and pajama the little angels. I’m Look up and realize I’m forced to watch Star Wars and Jurassic world over and over. 

Mama needs some Bravo, chocolate and a cocktail.

Well,

 What if we were not able to lie.

 I would have to say I’ve had better Christmases than this year….
You know you are a 33 year old mom when you get a box of coffee, frying pans, socks, soap, gum, an Aquarium membership, lip plumper and under eye patches from your husband, kids and parents. So I will be a fresh, awake, bright eyed and pouty lipped when you see me kicking it at the aquarium with my new socks on! Holler! All ready to bake a mean casserole. 
 
Soooo the bright side since I’m just happy mommy. Is…

 I have all these people! 

I am lucky! 

I have my husband, 2 boys, mom, dad, sister, brother, grandma, and lots of extended family plus all my in laws. Not to mention my BFFs you know who you are.

Family is everything.

It’s not about diamonds, champagne, shrimp cocktail and fancy active wear, all of which were on my list but you don’t get to keep them in your heart. 

My family is the only thing in the world that matters. Period. The end. 

Leave it to my dad to put it all in perspective he texted me tonight and said 

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do. I love you.”

Xoxo just happy mommy 

"Elf on the Shelf" Fiascos


 

My oldest son told me tonight that  “Im a Santa and I am in charge of Christmas! T-Rex the elf told me I’m the king of Christmas and I need you to take me to my workshop!” Bahahaha 

If you have been living under a rock for the last 10 years here is the deal. Elf on the Shelf is “a fun-filled Christmas tradition that’s captured the hearts of children everywhere who welcome home one of Santa’s scout elves each holiday season. The elves are magical helpers that help Santa Claus manage his naughty and nice lists by reporting back to him at the North Pole nightly,” according to www.elfontheshelf.com.  

Basically it is a wonderful tool to help keep your kid from whining and being a brat at Christmas time.  

Like many first time parents I was so excited to purchase this HOT item for our little guy. He was not quite 2 but I still insisted that we NEEDED an Elf, even though he could have cared less. We drove out to our friend’s pharmacy where they have a cute little gift shop. Of course little man is all over the toys, trains, puzzles and is having a total melt down that he can’t have a toy. So I just grabbed an Elf off the big display table, checkout with the screaming toddler and get the hell out of there.

When we got home I was so excited to get it out and learn more about our new little friend. Again this Elf was more for me than for our son LOL. As I read more about it there are several different elves, boy and girl elves, light skinned, dark skinned, blonde, red, brown and black hair, with blue or brown eyes. I thought that is awesome there are multiracial elves for all kids. As I opened the box I noticed the one I grabbed in a tizzy was pretty tan and had black hair. We are a blonde haired, blue eyed, white family so we adopted an African American Elf. My husband and I thought it was pretty hilarious so we named him Kanye. (Disclaimer: This is not racist, just a true story and if it offends you then don’t read my blog)

Fast forward to present day, our first son is almost 4 and the baby is 15 months. My husband invited the Elf back a little early this year because he was spotted when he was cleaning out the garage. He has a new name T-Rex the Elf. We read him the book and explained all the rules. He is a BIG deal now and more of a pain for me (oh the irony.) So like a lot of moms I started looking up cute ideas for our Elf on Pinterest. I pinned a few, like having the elf taking a bubble bath in the sink filled with cotton balls, and a printable Captain America mask and shield that fits the elf. Yesterday I was looking at my holiday Pinterest board not paying attention and my son points at the screen and says “Mommy look at that. Oh man, that is a Captain America Elf, like me! We have to get him!” Dammit. Pinterest Fail!

Also another thing many parents can relate to is the lack of Christmas decorations that survive toddlers. We can only decorate the top half of our tree because the baby has shattered 3 ornaments already. Anyway Daddy had placed T-Rex on a branch on the Christmas tree and I had forgotten all about it. I was fluffing the branches out to finish decorating the tree and our son screams “Mommy!!! T-Rex fell! He is supposed to fly. Mommy he lost his powers. Do NOT touch him!” PANIC!  I said “Oh NO I am so sorry. It is ok. I won’t touch him. We will get some tongs and put him back in the tree. It’s ok baby.” He is crying at this point. SHIT! I got some salad tongs and pick him up and shove him into the tree. “His hat! He lost his hat!” he says. “Ok he will fix his hat tonight at Santa’s workshop,” then I turned on Paw Patrol and all was right with the world.

I love having T-Rex the Elf at our house because he has the perfect leverage to get our boys to behave. Threaten Christmas and being on the naughty list he almost immediately apologizes and straightens up.  But oh how the tables have turned, now if I cuss or get frustrated (all the time) he tells me “Mommy T-Rex is watching you, you are going to be on the naughty list.” Cheers to our special Elf visitors, mommy being on the naughty list and all the Amazon boxes arriving this month! XOXO