Category

Faithfully Thankful

Category

Sissy – Part 2

I hope you enjoyed last nights post about my original best friend, my sweet, amazing sissy! I have always wanted to share her story without putting too much pressure on her to allow me to publish such personal information. I am thrilled that we have gotten to a safe place.

Ok, so, Part 2 is EVERYTHING!

Over 3 months ago (March 5th) I was approached with an idea to give a room makeover to a deserving blogger. The room would be redone and designed by the most gifted and talented designers in the business.  “Who are these magicians you might ask?,”

Luxe Furniture and Design

Owned and operated by fellow Tulsan’s and my dear friends Chris & Tamara Noel.

Now I have shared my love for them before in this post and so I jumped at the chance to get to work with Luxe again!

At first the room would be for a Blogger (me) who just happened to win the friend and room remodel lottery! As many of you know we are MOVING!!! My hubs bought us a new house! The boys and I are moving to South Tulsa and we are soooo excited. Anyway I knew since we were moving I didn’t want to take this amazing gift and not be able to use the space.

Fast forward a month later, I talked to my amazing, patient, creative, fellow mommy and friend from high school, Jen Kerckhoff with Resolute PR about this room project. What if I paid this gift forward and had the LUXE team renovate and redesign a space for my sissy??? I knew this was a shot in the dark but it would be HUGE if I could give this gift of space to such a deserving person. Anyone who knows Jenny knows she is the most humble, kind and thoughtful person, (almost to a fault) She never expects much and is thankful for being alive.

Even tho it was just a few weeks later, it seemed like an eternity, but they selected Sissy to be the recipient of the Luxe with Love room makeover!!! I remember being in my boys room with Monika MacIntrye and tears of joy shot through my face. I could hardly speak. This was going to be BIG! This was going to be HARD! This was going to be OUTSTANDING!

Now the real work began! I immediately got on the horn to my little brother who lives in LA.. I explained the entire thing to him and he was OBVI totally game. “Anything for sissy!” he said. Here is the kicker it is a SURPRISE! The entire project would be secret from not only my sissy but my mom as well.

So team Luxe, Jen & I started to have weekly meetings, text chains and emails galore about how in the heck we were going to pull off this reveal. Of course there was lots of tears, laughs and lots of fun picking out all the things for this space. We knew we wanted it to be a space for her to relax, heal, reflect, watch TV and make her jewelry. Tamara and her team, Robin and Tori ,were so wonderful to work with.

If anyone as tried to pull off a surprise like this you know how incredibly meticulous and detail oriented you must be. Good news we quickly realized this and became the dream team. The colors were chosen, the credenza was ordered as was the gorgeous chaise lounger sofa and custom designed pillows! Nothing was chosen in haste. We knew this was more than a room for sissy. This space represented freedom and encourages healing and happiness.

As the days dwindled and the room makeover quickly approached, I knew I had to get my parents out of the house, get my sissy out of her room and get my little brother on a plane home for the BIG REVEAL. Things get pretty tricky here. One afternoon Monika with Checkmark met me at my parents house to help me clean out the room.

My sister was getting VERY suspicious at this point so I told her I was doing some cleaning and organizing for mom since she has been so busy taking care of everyone else. This went over like a lead balloon. My mom was not pleased but I apologized without letting her in on the BIG surprise. I wanted to tell her so badly what we were doing for sissy, but like myself and many others change is hard. Especially when you have someone come in your house and mess with all your stuff.

Fast-forward to last Thursday! “D-Day” if you will. The perfect storm was brewing. My dad arranged to take my mom to Dallas for their 45th wedding anniversary which was coincidentally that weekend! As soon as they hit Southbound 75, Devon Whaling with Whaling Painting met me at the house to start painting the surprise room. We moved the remainder of the furniture to the garage and to my garage. The stage was set.

We had so many amazing people donate their time, skill and love to this project. Devon went above and beyond my expectations with his meticulous work and even helped us arrange for a carpet cleaner to come in the next day. When I called Eric Price with Master Clean Carpet Cleaning in Tulsa he was ready and eager to help us with this project. Someone we cold called got on board immediately when they heard about what we were doing for sissy.

So where was sissy during all of this? Well she was wrangling the 2 wild boys and we also had arranged for her to go on a “staycation.” The Fairfield Inn & Suites Marriott Downtown Tulsa in the newly rejuvenated Brady district gave Jenny and me 2 nights stay at their hotel to enjoy during the remodel. This is something my mom, sis and I often try to make happen and daydream about. Getting to have some girl time away from the house, hospital and just have fun! Since she is not able to travel, staying in Tulsa was ideal.

She was over the moon and beyond thrilled to get this amazing gift which she thought I had arranged since my parents were out of town as was my husband. I got the boys situated with the babysitter and headed over to get sissy and head downtown. When I arrived she was lying on my parents bed, white as a ghost. She had fallen earlier and was not doing well. She tried to rally but when she went to put on her matching green dress she crumpled to the floor in tears.

This is one of those times I will never forget. She was so disappointed, so sad, so tired, so sick, it broke my heart to see her that way. I helped her to bed and told her to rest. Her health is the most important thing. The hotel wasn’t going anywhere. After profusely apologizing she finally calmed down. I decided to cancel the room and order some food to be delivered to the house. As I sat down to eat my food alone at my family’s kitchen table, I lost it. I called my husband and just cried and cried. I was so overwhelmed by the entire situation. I felt like the little engine that could. Repeating in my head “I think I can, I think I can.”

My friend Jen needs an award and a license in therapy for putting up with my emotional mess all weekend. Jen reminded me of the famous quote from the story “A Tale of Two Cities,” by: Charles S. Dickens; “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” I then realized the real reason we were all doing this, it was to make sissy happy. Even tho things seemed to be going wrong and were extremely stressful it was worth it. Again my wise friend quoting Thomas Jefferson: “with great risk, comes great reward,” and that was the motto that got me thru the next 24 hours.

Sissy and I had a good cry and then we stayed up till almost 2 am laughing, talking, reminiscing of the days when we shared a room and retelling funny stories from our childhood and recent moments of hilarity with my boys. Even tho she was still at home and too ill to leave, it was just what we both needed, sissy time. Of course the fancy thought of a girls night downtown and staying at a hotel with out my kids sounded incredible, but being with her and taking care of her was the only place I wanted to be.

When you are a caretaker you do whatever is necessary to make your loved ones feel comfortable. Always in the back of my mind thinking OMG she has NO idea what is about to happen. OH & I was picking up a very special package from the airport on Friday. Baby brother was coming home from LA! Getting this piece of the puzzle to fit was the icing on the top. If they hated the room, at least PJ was home as the perfect buffer and welcomed distraction.

Ok bare with me y’all this is a long story but we are getting to the end so hang in there. Friday came & went and before we knew it, it was REVEAL DAY! Tamara, Robin, Tori and the LUXE team arrived in the morning and installed the furniture, custom wall art and added just the right finishing touches.

Finally it was time to sit my sister down and explain what in the HELL was going on. I made her a video explaining my hair-brained idea, that the room was all for her. It was always about her. Being able to give her this amazing gift along with my incredibly talented and generous friends (even tho my dad did end up helping with the bill,) was what this whole thing was about.

“You were selected for a health and happiness room! WTF does that mean? We made a room just for you. You are beautiful, kind, strong and you do not deserve to be this sick. But you do deserve some happiness and maybe a room like this will help you heal. The train tried to derail several time. Thank you to everyone who had a hand in this. It was a tremendous undertaking of love. Because we love you and you deserve this so, lets go check out your new room!”

So here it is DRUMROLL PLEASE…

The pictures do not do the room or the emotions felt justice. But just know that ALL THE FEELS were there! Everyone was happy and lots of tears of joy were shed. Finally I leave you with the amazing custom wall art done by Angela Finch Custom Artwork 

The scrolling art at the bottom is handwritten script which is a quote from Cinderella. “A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you will loose your heartache, whatever you wish for you keep.” Little did this artist know that I sing this song to my boys at night to remind them that anything is possible as long as your heart dreams.

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

Our local paper also did a nice article about the room Tulsa World Article

PS Special Thanks to Norwalk Furniture and Spectrum Paint Company

Sissy – Part 1

I have sat down to write this post so many times. I have tried to think about what I would say. How do I explain my sissy’s health & life situation?  So I decided to make this part 1 of a 2 part series.

I guess I should just start at the beginning. She has been sick for over a decade. 10 years of her life robbed by illness. Could you imagine?

At first we all were puzzled and really going through the grieving process, if you will. How do you understand something NO ONE can explain? Why can’t they fix her? What is wrong? All the questions and very little answers. The 5 W’s and the H. It was like a terrible dream that kept replaying even when you open your eyes.

I have said this before, her mind is sharp but her body cannot keep up.  She is so smart, beautiful and kind.  She has so many hopes and dreams but some days she can hardly get out of bed, living in a constant state of exhaustion.

Her body rejects food.  It’s like she has had the stomach bug forever! Her resting heart rate is like she is at peak cardio fitness 166. She lives her life at home and at the lab. I could go on and on. I think you get the picture.

She HATES for me to share too much about her illnesses, but it unfortunately it is part of this story. My sister and I are separated by 2.5 years just like my boys. She is hands down one of the best people in my life. I got her permission to publish this post. I share this not for sympathy but rather to share something I often harbor and choose not to open up about. I have said this since my first blog post, writing is cathartic for me and helps me deal with my emotions.

With that said, we do not want pity. I have wanted to give a better understanding of her health situation without going into too many medical terms or details.

Year after year she gets worse. My parents have taken her to half a dozen hospitals and specialists across the country. At first the trips were hopeful. Now they have be come daunting and almost impossible for her to travel. The feelings of fear, anxiety and hopelessness hang in the air as they head southbound  75 to Dallas. The latest trip was again answerless and uneventful.

Being a mother myself I cannot imagine the internal pain and anguish my mother feels. Seeing your baby sick and unable to help them has IS the worst feeling in life. The strength between them is astonishing. I remember hearing stories of a mother who lifted a car to save her child. The motherly, mama bear instincts to protect our young are true and inherent.

My mother is truly a saint. To say that I admire my mother and sister is an understatement. My sisters ability to carry on despite her withering body is nothing short of a mental miracle.

We get to a place of hope and then she lands back in the hospital. This time last year she was in the hospital and we had just gotten home from our family beach vacation.

Last month it was Mother’s Day weekend and again we had just gotten home from vacation. Poor thing was so sick she had to be admitted to the hospital. This time it was for her low potassium and other labs showing she was dehydrated. She needed more fluids than she and mom could administer at home, thru her port.

So here were are, one year later, and if feels like we are living in Groundhog’s Day. All she wants is to be at home and celebrate Mother’s Day with her mommy.

When I came to visit her, she was still sleeping. Her face grimaced and she was in pain while she was dreaming. My mom wakes her up to eat her breakfast at 2pm. They listen as I tell funny stories about the boys and our trip to the beach. The 3 of us hens can create quite a stir in the hospital. We roast the men in our lives and laugh so hard we pee a little.

It is not long after, she starts to have a spell and goes to the bathroom. I hold back tears as I hear her have a terrible vomiting fit. She moseys back in with her IV pole, looking defeated and apologizes. She lies down on the hospital bed and gets her medication from the nurse.

This is when the laughter stops. My job has become the comic relief.  The one they send in with the camera man saying “SMILE!! You’re on candid camera.” Unfortunately this is not a BRAVO original series.

This is her life. My mom’s life. My father’s life. My brother’s life. Our life as a family. Seeing someone you love, sick and in pain is nothing I wish on anyone.

My boys do NOT know the REAL sissy. They only know she is sick. They help her with her meds and love her to the moon and back 100.

The lump in my throat is growing. I tear up every time I say this. She has told me that the boys are her only reason for living. That without them she would want to give up. I am so thankful for my babies & blessings that bring her such joy.

So there it is. A tiny glimpse of the last 10 years. Thank you to everyone who asks about sissy. She hates people doting on her but I always remind her that there are so many people who love and care about her. The next chapter is going to be a happy one.  I have made it my mission to make certain of that.

Over last few months I have been working with some amazing people on a BIG exciting project.

Finally, it is time to share and reveal my BIG surprise for sissy. So stay tuned for part 2 and continue with us on this journey.

I hope I make you proud sissy because I am so proud to call you; My sissy.

My day one.

My heart.

I love you.

XOXO
Kiki

 

Believe in Yourself

As a blogger, who makes little to no money, it’s hard for me to apologize for not posting. I haven’t posted in over a month. It’s not because I don’t have things to say, the it’s contrary.

I think about my blog everyday, but actually sitting down, writing and sharing felt overwhelming. Why? For me, the longer I wait, the more I question myself, procrastinate and lose faith. Should I keep doing this? Does anyone really care?

It’s almost like exercising or eating well, once you start and make it a part of your lifestyle, you actually end up craving that part of your day. It feels good to do things for yourself.

My family and I recently went on a beach vacation for 10 days and if you follow me at all on social media you know this. Some may have felt like they were actually on the beach with us. I over posted and I over shared. Why? Because I was in my happy place with my bestie and my sweet boys! Even tho traveling with kids is super hard the good outweighed the bad!

It seems harder and harder to get back into the swing of things after vacation. I felt like I was bitch slapped by a wave of reality as I poured the sand out of our shoes. I honestly missed having sand in our sheets.

As a woman, wife, mother, friend etc we feel pushed and pressured to be many things to many people. But often we forget about the most important person under God, ourselves.

My MeMaw has a sign in her house that says, “If mama ain’t happy then ain’t nobody happy.” If that doesn’t ring true to many of you then you prolly should just X out of this now.

The real reason I haven’t posted is because I have been closeting my sadness and anxiety. I am a happy person but I can’t fake it all the time. When I’m not happy with my husband, my kids are driving me crazy and my sister is taking a turn for the worse, I do NOT cope well. It is a rollercoaster of emotional and physical highs and lows and pure exhaustion.

Sometimes I am lazy and just want to sleep, sometimes I drink, sometimes I workout, sometimes I shop, sometimes I over eat, sometimes I under eat, sometimes I overcompensate and spoil my kids etc. If there is a life coping mechanism or vice trust me I’ve tried it. But faith is the only one that brings me back to me. Only I can make these choices and only God can help guide me and judge me.

Putting yourself out here (honestly) for others to read may seem like an easy thing to some people, but it is anything but. My blog and my words have given me great confidence, happiness and still even though it should be a healthy outlet it can be stressful and anxiety provoking. When the later happens I just post fluff and kind of shy away from what is really going on. It’s the teeter todder of excitement and fear. It’s not an “Oh (BHH) bless her heart,” it is what it is.

Taking any leap of faith takes real guts. Whether it is a new business venture, a new partner, trying for a baby, asking someone on a date, sharing yourself, your life and kids online is scary ass shit. So why do I do it? Do I need to feel vindicated? Do I need 100 likes and 18 comments to feel loved? NO and NO!

Genuinely, I want people, especially other people who suffer from and issues, confidence, anxiety or depression, to know that you can be and do anything you want! Do NOT succumb to the devil and live in fear. I refuse to give up on my dreams! My mom always tells me “Believe in yourself!”

I get fulfillment in my blog just like I get amped when I get to the gym and feel proud when I eat healthy!

I am ready to get back on the writing block and I am excited to share all kinds of things with you. There are so many new things in the works at Just Happy Mommy! All are fun and exciting and some are HUGE! Think: home, fashion, food, exercise, giveaways and of course new hilarious stories.

Thanks for reading!
I Love you all and remember everything is gonna be alright if we just tilt our perspective and try to be JUST HAPPY!

Xoxo
Just happy mommy

PS And oh ya and we are in the works of selling our home and looking for a new one to buy. So I’m not busy at all LOL 😂

What keeps you up at night?

What keeps you up at night? 

Kids?

Health? life & death?

Money, financial security & your job?

Love, marriage & relationships?

Reaching goals & education?

Safety, terrorism?

Violence, crime, bullies?

Allergic reactions? Accidents?

The list goes on and on… As a mommy my mind is hard to turn off and feels like it is constantly on the spin cycle. My thoughts are like laundry, NEVER ENDING!

We all have worries. Sometimes they are minuscule and other times they seem to take over our lives.

How much attention do you pay these worries, concerns, anxiety and panic provoking thoughts?

It is easy to say:

“don’t sweat the small stuff,” or

“it is all in God’s hands,” or

“everything will workout the way it is supposed to.”

All of these statements are true. Unfortunately, they do NOT help me sleep at night.

I do pray. I practice deep breathing and meditation.

Lately, I have had so many “irons in the fire.” I am anxious to see which ones light.

Patience is a virtue. And one I do not have much of, what I do have, goes to my boys.

I prayed for all of these awesome opportunities & great things to happen in my life.

So of course, I am uber thankful for all the positive things happening with me, my family, my blog and I am excited for the future.

Looking back at the last year, we endured some serious struggles. Some that are deeply personal that I have not shared.

This is why I took a departure from sharing posts about my boys. We were shaken as a family.

There have been so many times I have wanted to word vomit all over this blog, but I thought about it and what good would that do?

I have to be true to myself, continue to do what I love and if that upsets some people and ends relationships, so be it.

My blog is something I am passionate about, proud of, and really believe in.

I will NOT give up my dreams and all the ideas I have for myself. What kind of example does that set for my boys?

So thanks to perseverance, uplifting support and faith, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I am still waking up several times at night it is not because of fear, financial strain, allergic reactions, marriage problems, sadness or stress.

It is now a happy excitement.  Like “Where is my path taking me next.?” “How am I going to get all this done?”

……………..or its the boys waking me up. 90% of the time it’s the boys 🙂

I do not feel as much dread as I once did.

More than ever I see the importance of  staying true to yourself, holding fast to your convictions and empowering others.

I am learning to trust the process of just letting go.

Knowing that the challenges you face are preparing you for something greater than you could ever imagine.

What keeps you up at night?

We would love to hear from you. Share your struggle or triumph in the comments section below.

Thanksgiving Recap the Real Life Version

Here is our Thanksgiving week Recap! The #reallife version not the pinterest, social media version. We had the ups and downs that everyone has. Some of this stuff I have to tell you. I swear I can’t make this shit up. SO I have to share.

Sunday

Family time Home Depot X’s 3

Armed with our list we are ready to have a fun little Sunday. 

My older one starts flailing on the floor and then holds open his legs and farts. Gross! They of course are laughing their asses off and this starts the snowball effect of boys. 

Then the baby sees a sweet pregnant couple walking down the aisle towards us and rudely starts yelling and growling at them. I said “stop it.” He bats at me and continues to snarl. Then they burp followed by spitting on the ground. Ok we are done. I take both kids back to the car empty handed and we swing thru the taco Bueno drive thru.  Daddy returns later to get the new Christmas tree and leaves his phone at customer service. Mommy goes to target to satiate the babies pouch addiction and retrieves the phone from Home Depot. Done!  This is the tree we picked out! I am so happy! Martha Stewart Living Christmas Tree

Monday 

Got the baby off to school and on to the LIST! 

I kept my older son with me and we had a fun day shopping at Home Goods, Super Target and the At Home store. Spending daddy’s money all over town. Then we had lunch at Hideaway pizza his favorite!

img_8190
At Home
img_8186
Home Goods

I offered to host thanksgiving this year. My mom has been thru enough this year. So I gladly took it off her plate. Plus the boys are so excited to have it at our house and it’s a perfect excuse to get my house in order.

The kids have different plans.  

The boys Flood the bath room every night. And tonight was no exception. The new bath mat that I got at target had not been in our house 2 hours and it still had a tag on it got soaked! I take away the toys and lie down 2-4 towels to soak up All the water on the tile. And while I’m drying one off and getting them lotion up and their undies on the other continues to make a mess. 

Since we got the new tree they are constantly asking if they can decorate the tree. I finally said yes you can. You can put these NON breakable ones on. Then they broke 3 ornaments in 3 minutes even when I said these aren’t breakable. “Ok…Let me test this one for you mommy…” 

Crash and tears img_8199

“Oh. No. you said this wasn’t breakable,”  they said.

I said “UM Well it’s not meant to be thrown on the floor and stepped on.”

I said “please stop touching it, I don’t want it to cut you,” as he looks into my eyes and rubs his index finger over the broken skiing penguin & my OU ornament that I had kept since college. 

Inner monologue “Are you fucking serious?” Out loud “OMG! Stop!”

They have to test and question and push on everything. Never take your word for it and saying “ok mommy.”

I’m super Thankful that our neighbors have 3 small kids otherwise I think people would have called us in for domestic disturbances nightly. Bedtime …

Tuesday 

Got up (most Mom’s will understand that getting up and around can be at least a 2 hour process before actually leaving the house)

Made breakfast bacon & strawberries & pouches 

Plan was to go to the gym and take the boys to kids club and visit sissy at the hospital. On the phone with my mom and the older one yells from the back, “but we didn’t have dinner.” “What?!! We had breakfast I made a pound of bacon and strawberries with blue Gatorade.” Ugh fine so you want a bagel cream cheese too?!” Drive thru Old School Bagel and then to St. John. ( I cater to my boys bc they are underweight and refuse to eat half the time)

I get out of the car and Perry starts throwing up all over the parking lot. Oh NO! Poor baby! He looks at me and said “I throwed up.” He Lifts his arm, covered in bacon and strawberries, and says “Try it.” Ewe! Fucking gag. I have gotten so much better but throw up is one of those things I have to tell myself over and over out loud “It’s OK, It’s OK.”  Trying to convince myself it is and not barf myself.

Well, ok new plan, no kids club & definitely not going to see my sissy to share barf germs. So we drop off her favorite sun dried tomato basil bagel from Old School and the bacon I made for her to my mom in the hospital garage. 

Then the gas light keeps coming on in my car, so I figure we better stop to get gas at QT. 

Roman insists on helping me. This summer I told him that a gentleman pumps a ladies gas. Since then he always wants to help. I said “no not today, no it’s raining please stay in the car.” 

Again not listening. 

Insistent again and next thing you know he’s unbuckled and outside next to me. 

Ok he’s done this 1/2 dozen times. He won’t wear a jacket and it’s cool and rainy today. He climbs under the hose to get “cozy” with me and as he does it pulls the hose out of my car and gas is flooding and spraying out everywhere all over him, all over me and the ground! We are literally soaked in unleaded gasoline. He starts screaming and crying I start screaming “FUCK!!!!!!!!!!”  and crying “are you kidding me?!?! Ahhhhhhhhh!”

Zoolander Freak Gasoline Fight Accident

I get him in the back of the car and stripped his clothes off and threw them away. I call the station attendant to let him know my son spilled some gas. He said “well that looks like more than just a splash.” I said “ya well sorry, we are both covered and I need to bathe us.” Roman is crying saying “it’s all my fault.” I said “yes, yes it is. You just don’t listen! What’s it going to take?” Driving down 36th street in my sports bra with all the windows down whilst screaming “WTF!!!. Is this a joke?”

img_8208
Gasoline Fight Accident

Speeding to my parents house we screech into the driveway and my little one scurries in with just his Zootopia undies on crying “it’s all my fault. ” Perry had his face covered with his blanket from the gas fumes. As soon as I unbuckle him he starts vomiting all over my parents driveway. “SHIT!!!!!” It’s raining. Ok ok let’s get inside without letting the dogs out. 

I get all 3 of us in the shower and soap and lather us all over and over. I can still smell the gas on my wedding rings. The boys seem happy so I leave them sitting on the seat in the shower and I call my mom for help. (They are safe, safety police!) She leaves my sisters bedside to come help me. 

Later that day and evening I can’t move. My body starts to ache and I am praying that I am not getting sick. I cannot get out of bed. Daddy takes over and I take meds and go to sleep. My body is saying a BIG F U! I never threw up but I was def down for a good 20 hours.

 Wednesday 

img_8217
Daddy Painting
Sprouts Turkey
Sprouts Turkey

Of course we decide to paint the kitchen cabinets the day before we host Thanksgiving.

Daddy is kicking butt and taking names. He even cleaned one of the bathrooms!!! I am doing lots of the Thanksgiving Prep work, cooking allergy friendly bread, mashed potatoes and of course roasting my first Thanksgiving turkey. I promise I will post my recipes soon for those who are curious of how I make my little nuggets allergy friendly food.

Thursday

Thanksgiving was nearly perfect. My sister was not able to get released to join us but we still made it special for her as best we could. I brought her place setting on my Vera Wang, Wedgwood China and all. She was thrilled to say the least. I don’t know about you but eating hospital food (as much as it has improved) is pretty Damn sad on Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law and husband’s grandma drove in and joined us. They also hand washed all my China! We only broke one champagne flute and no one got seriously injured or threw up. Winning!

img_8225 img_8227

Friday

We literally did NOT leave the house. The boys stayed in their PJ’s ate pie for breakfast, grazed on left overs all day and we all watched movies. It was the perfect lazy day we all needed. Hubby and I binge watched the last 5 episodes of The People Vs. OJ on Amazon Prime. And as the boys were falling asleep I walked into our room and tears filled my eyes. “The boys are getting so big! When they are sweet they are sooo sweet. I am so thankful for them.”

Saturday/ Sunday

I woke up with 3 boys in my bed. Does NOT get better than that! I made bacon and waffles and there was little to no fighting. No we are getting ready to go to the gym and coming almost full circle. As I put on my favorite Lululemon jacket I am reminded of our gasoline fight accident. I am sitting here typing, I’m trying to convince myself that I do not smell like a combustible combination of gasoline, downy, bounce sheets and Febreze.
fullsizerender_2

img_6908

Looking back at this week I just have to laugh. Somedays are crazy, terrible and frustrating. I quickly realized that these crazies are my life and that Thanksgiving is about spending time with the ones we love. Nothing can be perfect. I think it is perfectly normal to experience these ups and downs to appreciate the good times. I know that these days will not last forever.

I will miss the days when we are all smiling together on the beach, at the pool, laughing at the kitchen table, making fun of each other and trying not to spit out our drinks from laughing. I will miss the semi naked dance parties with my kids. I will miss their little voices. I will miss the sound of them walking into our room. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. 

I have more blessings than I can count. The ones I hold most dear drive me the craziest. My boys have my whole heart, body and mind. We recently jammed out to Bryan Adams “Everything I do, I do it for you.” It is the perfect song for me right now. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours 

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy 

#Thankful #Grateful #Blessed

#Thankful #Grateful #Blessed

I have to give it up

The holidays are now upon us with a week until Thanksgiving and 40 days until Christmas. We are all busy. We all have plans. The hustle and bustle, have to and have nots, the should I or should nots? We all want to act like we have our shit together but come on. Christmas is a bitch and can you believe this weather? Don’t get it twisted. I am not blasphemous, tho you might say, because Christmas is not what it was back in the day. Thanksgiving is the forethought, like a shower or party before the BIG DAY! Some people may not feel it, but I certainly do, to make everything pretty and perfect without showing how I do what I do.

Ok enough rhyming. I suck at it I know. But somehow iambic pentameter was on my mind. I scroll through my feeds like we all do and I see all these things that we are supposed to do. Be thankful. Be Grateful, and Be Blessed. Well aren’t you sick of it yet? I am guilty per usual but I must say that sometimes I want to scream FUCK at the end of the day. I pour my self a ginger ale HA who am I kidding a stiff vodka drink to share with my honey. We look at each other and say “wow aren’t we lucky?” or “not it!”

The reason I bring this up is because of how I am reeling on sharing how I am feeling. I really cant stop the rhyming now. LOL. I hesitate to post about my goings-on because of the judgement and heartache we have taken on. By starting my blog I felt so empowered but somedays I feel like a coward.

To say that we all have stress is a truth, but it is how you respond and process it makes it a weakness or strength. I want to spread love and not hate. I have written so many things that I have wanted to post but I choose the high road and pray for the future.

This morning we went to the Emergency Room. Perry had an allergic reaction. Thankful. Grateful. Blessed. He is ok.

I had made Roman some chocolate milk to go with his breakfast. For anyone who follows me (especially on Snapchat) knows that I make breakfast EVERYDAY as well as lunches and most dinners, most of which are allergy free.

Daddy took Roman to school and Perry woke up late as per usual and was a cranky and demanding two year old. “Chicken & Fries. Chicken & Fries,” he screamed through his paci. I said “Ok, If you eat it I’ll make it.” As I turned around from making my second cup of coffee I looked and I saw it like slow mo from a movie. (Seriously I can’t Stop Rhyming BAHAHAHA.) He took a big gulp from brothers cup which contained cows milk. We both looked at each other and we knew it was bad. His mouth started to water and he started to gag. We ran to the bathroom and he tried to vomit but he just cried “hold you mommy.”

I prayed maybe this time will be different. Maybe he wont react. Maybe his allergies aren’t really true. But before I could pull out the syringe I knew it was happening all over again. I felt so guilty, so terrible, so scared. I told him he had to take his meds. I gave him the Benadryl and he spit it out immediately and we tried again and succeeded.

Thank God daddy came home because he give us a calmness that we needed. Next was the prednisone steroid. He took it like a champ but I could soon see that he had hives all over his lips and was getting sleepy.

I called my mom out of fear and advice she said call the allergist and I did with devise. The nurse was much nicer than the 911 operator and helped guide me to decide what was next. She told me to give him the EpiPen Jr. and I said do I have to I really don’t want to. She said that he was showing several signs of anaphylaxis. I knew she was right but I hated to do this. NO ONE wants this to happen. It was an accident. IT was my fault this time but what happens next. I know how to react. I know the dosage. What if it happens and he doest get the right help. I can blame myself all day long and thrive on mommy guilt but its not about me its about the village we have built.

The village that helps me day and night and especially the people I don’t see everyday were there for me. I know I am a good mother but sometimes you crave the extra praise and reassurance that we all need. Thank you to those who were there for me without prejudice or question.

I am obsessed with my babies, although they are not babies anymore. Boys, 2 and 4 are hard to handle even with the best intentions. I love them to the moon and back. They love their mama more than anything. It brings a smile to my face when they fight over me until I get a black eye or c-section gut punch.

Coming full circle it comes to this. Am I thankful, grateful and blessed? Of course I am. Are you kidding me? But is it harder than it has to be? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. True Empathy is lost among our culture. A mom is a mom is a mom is a mom.

I have said it before and I will say it again I am a mama bear and I know what is best for my cubs. My husband agrees with me. It is hard. It is wonderful. It is love. Love knows no bounds. Until you know the true meaning of love then you will never understand. No one wants to admit they have issues. It shows weakness. But in admitting our weakness we find strength. Strength in the truth, love, prayer and honesty. I hope this does not fall on deaf ears.

Even tho I am absent from posting does not mean my mind and fingers are not firing on all cylinders. Relying on those who love me the most and my tribe of honest caregivers makes me question, revise and relate to all those who may be reading my posts.

Thank you to all who read, understand and believe. We are all #Thankful, #Grateful and #Blessed in our own lives and mind.

XOXO

Just Happy Mommy

Christmas in July 

Today is Christmas in July. I can’t believe in 6 months it will be Christmas! My most favorite time of the year. Reflecting back on the holiday makes me happy.

I decided to do something I haven’t done all summer. Treat myself to a morning of doing absolutely nothing. After I dropped the boys off at summer camp I decided I deserved 2 hours to myself.
The last 5 days of summer fun have been busy swimming, cooking, sweating, cleaning, hustling and bustling. I thought “hey I need some ME time.” And not apologize for it. If it’s Christmas in July after all, I might as well give myself the best gift of all and that is time.
Time to pray. Time to meditate. Time to write. Time to breathe. Sit in bed and do nothing until pickup.
My best friend told me about an app called HeadSpace so I thought “hey why not try it.” I’m so glad I downloaded it because now I can’t wait for tomorrow’s meditation session. It’s amazing how stopping and taking 10 minutes can change your whole head space.
Looking out my bedroom windows and seeing the sunlight dance on the leaves in the breeze and hearing birds chirping and the humm of the refrigerator in the kitchen is calming. It’s 100 degrees again today and in 6 months it will be freezing. I have to remind myself to stop and be thankful for all the days and all the moments. Before you know it it could be too late and you don’t know how to stop being busy.
Lately thinking of all the things going on in my life makes me sad. Why am I living an unhappy life? Recent family conflict and my sissy’s unanswered health questions are top of mind.
Fear is control.

Control is an illusion.
Suffering from fear, depression and anxiety sucks. Even tho I know I have so much to be thankful for, deep down, I’m sad. Seeking help, taking medication and surrounding yourself with supportive and loving people is the key. But what happens when those people and connections break down? Or you cannot spend quality time with the ones you love and miss the most. Are we too busy to give the greatest gift of all to those we love the most?! Our time.
Stop and give yourself some time. I am seeking some inner peace and praying in desperation for my fears to stop taking control. I don’t have to get everything done. I don’t have to be perfect. The pressure I put on myself is exhausting.
As always I’m Looking forward to Christmas this year. I want to do what my boys and family want to do and not succumb to what is expected of me. The holiday gets lost in the hustle and bustle and the commitments of time and money. Really stopping to think “is this going to make me happy?”
So here’s to beating this heat and dreaming of a white Christmas. Im looking forward and not behind.
Xoxo
Just Happy Mommy