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Mommy

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Take Time for YOU!

It’s ok to take care of yourself. Actually it is imperative to being a good person. Taking time for yourself is so important.

So many parents, myself included, do not give themselves enough credit, down time or self love. I hear often from my family and friends that I am too hard on myself. I need to give myself a break. The thing is either, I think I am NOT doing enough or I am just overwhelmed and doing too much. The slippery slope of parenting is a fast and dangerous one to ride. As a parent these days we are expected to do all the things:

Taking care of the family, the house, the bills, calendar, work, play and all the extras. I sometimes compare being a good parent to being a good chef or baker. Some days we get the recipe just perfect and other days we try something new and it is an epic fail. We strive to create the perfect mixture of love, discipline, education, comfort, fun and strength and roll it into one delicious child.

Ok that sounds kinda creepy but you get what I am saying.

We do all these things to help mold well rounded individuals. But we forget to take time for ourselves. The saying that mom’s don’t break we just bend is true but we also break. We are human beings after all even tho we have some seriously legit super powers. Recharging our batteries, pampering, having fun and never losing sight of ourselves is what helps make us remarkable creatures.

Imagine this: It’s a Friday, your kids are in school, you are taking the day off and just doing you.

Photo Credit: Beth Hawkins Video Photo

There are several scenarios that my friends and I daydream about.

Laying in bed, sipping coffee, watching TV, reading Jesus Calling and then enjoying a morning workout with friends, some spa treatments, outdoor patio lunch then the epic finale of a nap in a freezing, cold, dark room before getting your husband fetches the kids.

Now call me crazy but doesn’t that sounds like the perfect day off? Us moms are lucky to have just one of those things per week. The simplicity of drinking coffee alone with no one screaming or watching you pee has become a luxury. Sometimes I think ugh I can’t afford to do this or ugh I really shouldn’t splurge. Ok sometimes it is the opposite. We deserve a few things.

Ain’t nobody happy unless mama happy!
Happy Wife Happy Life.

So as you all know, I love my babies more than anything, but Lord knows they give me a run for my money. And let’s get real I have aged more in 5 years than I have in 10. I NEVER took care of my skin or even cared until recently when the lines on my face drew a map that spell out HELP! So I started doing BOTOX which I will still continue to do because it is awesome and I love the results. I needed more than just my antiaging needle juice.

So I decided to get a facial. NOT all facials are created equal! I have had some where I left feeling like I was a wax doll covered in every lotion, potion and witches brew and $90 poorer. I have had facials when the next day I am red, swollen and in pain feeling more like a chemical peel than a facial.

Imagine being greeted with cool, flavored water, lead down a hallway to a lovely scented spa lounge.

SNAPCHAT VIDEO OF ME @ THE SPA

The esthetician asked me if I had any trouble issues, what I hoped to achieve from the facial and then moved forward with the treatments. She began with an incredible hot towel foot massage. It almost immediately helped loosen me up and melted me into the warm soft massage table.

Next, she started the steamer and explained all of the things she was putting on my face. The smells were so nice, never too overpowering. The was some slight tingling but overall a gentle, cleansing feeling as she began her next steps of cleansers, toner, lotions and potions.

Finally, she finished with a soothing neck massage. I felt so relaxed. I had drifted off to the place in my brain that rarely sees any action. The chill out no synapses zone. NO to do lists, no worries, no questions, fears or pain. It was remarkable what that hour did for me. It helped me refocus, feel content but most of all feel pretty.

I left feeling so confident and honestly I started taking selfies of my fresh, clear, glowing complexion.
Ihloff Salon & Spa at Utica Square not only treated me to the best facial I have ever had but also gave me some lovely complimentary samples and a luxurious face cream. Which I use daily & LOVE!

When you have an experience at Ihloff you also get to enjoy 5 star amenities that are included with your service. Try to make time to enjoy the personally scented steam shower, Aveda products and individual mirrored dressing area.

Why am I sharing this with you all?

Because you too deserve some ME time.

We do so much for the ones we love. If we took 1/10th of that love and returned to sender could you imagine how much happier a world we would be.

Before someone can love you, you have to love yourself. I am happy to report that I am practicing what I preach. I try to give myself one of those moments every week and every month. Taking time to enjoy a meal alone, drink coffee and watch the sun come up, workout and blare my gangsta rap, get my nails done, get my hair did, enjoy a facial, get a massage, whatever do it!
When you feel pretty you act different. When you feel pretty your whole outlook changes.
When you feel good you are you.

This year I want to give the gifts of experiences. I keep thinking off the boxes of crap sitting in our garage from our move this summer. Those boxes stress me out. I do not want to open them. I do not want to put more stuff away. I want to start fresh, clean and purge all the extra crap. Ain’t nobody got time for all this junk.

Since we are officially in fall, Halloween is a month away and then the hustle, bustle and stress of the holidays is fast approaching, I have already thought about how I want to do something different.
So, this year, I want to give gifts that help ourselves. Help our selves get centered, relax or enjoy one another.
What is even better, is using our locally owned businesses to fulfill the nice list of gifts.


Ihloff Salon and Spa is a locally owned and operated Tulsa treasure and now has 4 locations to pamper and serve Oklahomans.

I am thinking about putting together a MOM’s Day Off Event at Ihloff Salon & Spa
Would this be something you would be interested in? Let me know in the comments section.

Their staff, products and knowledge of beauty is something to see, use and enjoy.

I try to teach the boys to give meaningful gifts. “Is this a gift that you would like to receive?”

If yes, then you know your friend will like it too!

Call up and get a gift card for a a mani/pedi or something as wonderful as a spa day.

Give the gift of experience and self fulfillment. Some of the best memories we have as a family, that are at the fore front of my minds eye, involve some sort of special, place, treat, people or moment and sometimes it is all of those things wrapped in one.

Take time for you. You only have one life. GO LIVE IT!
XOXO

Just Happy Mommy

I am just going to leave this right here

Back 2 School is on every parent’s minds this month and our family is NO different. I love seeing all the first day of school pictures on social media. It is really crazy how fast our kiddos are growing up.

Trying to wind down from the freedom of summer and getting back into a routine is sad and exciting all at the same time.

I think I speak for all moms when I say we are all ready for some structure & routine.

Of course I am an emotional basket-case knowing my first born will be gone all day and even riding the school bus. Plus the thought of me not being there when he needs me, well it makes me have a pit in my stomach. My big baby bear and me are two peas in a pod.  I know the first quarter is going to be tough on all of us.

I was a wreck last year when he started Pre-K . BACK 2 SCHOOL BLUES

The topic of bullying is something I have been hesitant to talk about.  I did not want to prematurely publish anything until I experienced peace and confidence in our resolution and decisions.

Since BULLYING is such a BUZZWORD and HOT BUTTON TOPIC I wanted to make sure that my readers understand the reason I am sharing our experiences. I want to inform parents, empower them and help others who may have had similar experiences.

This is a real thing, not a pity party or an attention seeking post. Bullying can happen to anyone at any age and it is NEVER OK!

There is NO FACE to bullying. I was bullied in high school pretty bad but it was dismissed and overlooked as a part of growing up and just mean girl adolescence.

I realize the gravity of the subject and the implications of writing about this.

So this is right up my alley of talking about stuff nobody wants to talk about.

With that said, I feel like a disclaimer is in order so I pulled this from one of the best, first and most iconic police and crime shows DRAGNET  TV SERIES 1951

“Ladies and gentleman the story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.”

My son was bullied at age 4.

Most days I would fight to get him to school, negotiate, drop him off nervous and pick him up with little exchange. He is a peacemaker and people pleaser, just like me, so at first he was afraid to tell me. Finally when I noticed the marks on his body he told me what happened. My first instinct was

“OH HELL NO! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY BABY!”

waving my finger and moving my neck from side to side with my lips pursed.

Of course I was very hesitant to react too crazily because this was a new school and kids are kids right?!?! After connecting with the teacher and feeling out the vibe in the classroom everything seemed good, so we continued to go to school. There were some children with behavioral issues, some that needed more attention than others, and our sweet teachers had their hands full.

There was A LOT of BHH:

Bless Her Heart.

Bless His Heart. 

As one of the homeroom moms I was constantly at school and in communication with the teachers, PTA and parents. The environment from private to public school was a lot for us to handle.  We went from Cheer’s “where everybody knows your name,” to ID#s and absences. Not better, not worse just different.

We talked to our son about certain scenarios, and how to handle himself if he was in another situation that made him sad, scared or upset. And of course pounding this into his head:

THE GOLDEN RULE: DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU.

Just because someone is making bad choices that does not mean you make bad choices too.

Basically do NOT fight back,tell the teacher and be the awesome, kind, sweet, smart and handsome boy that you are.

We started a MANTRA on the way to school and in the car line.

“I AM HAPPY. I AM SMART. I AM KIND.”

We listened to music to pump him up in the morning. I started to bribe him with donuts.

NOW here comes the moment when I decided to let the MAMA BEAR instincts unleash:

One afternoon his little brother and I picked him up from school. He was very blaze and melancholy when I asked how his day at school went.

“Mommy, you said I was going to be safe at school and I wasn’t.”

I will never forgive myself. I will take that to my grave.

UGH. GUT PUNCH. VOMIT RISING. WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?

“I wasn’t doing anything wrong mommy, he is just so mean to me. I have scratches on my back, he kicked me in the stomach, he threw me against a tree. I tell the teacher and he goes to time out then it just happens all the time.”

Now this may seem overly dramatic but let me tell you this is the kind and concise version of months of incidents that occurred. NO doubt our son does has a flair for the dramatic. He also tends to stutter when he telling lies/stories. Except every time he spoke about an incident his speech was clear, specific and detailed.

Now another disclaimer because I hear the judgey moms, “BUT he is ONLY 4, they make up stories and have a wild imagination.” or “Lots of kids do not want to go to school, he is just playing you.” and

“You know this happens everywhere right? Public school, private school, girls, boys it happens.”

Is this statement supposed to make me feel better about the fact that my son is terrified to go to school at age 4?

Because it happens everywhere, somehow makes it ok?

At first I thought I was alone in all this, but the more I got the courage to talk about it, the more I was sadly informed that it is happening all the time and a lot of parents do not know what to do about it. I found that the more I talked about it the more I knew what I had to do! Listen to my child, follow my heart and my gut.

I was super upset but I tried to remain calm. I of course immediately called daddy and said we have to do something. As time went on I asked him if they were playing rough on the playground. “Are you playing Avengers, Batman, Power Rangers etc and things are getting too rough???” There is apart of you that doesn’t want it to be real.

My next phone call was to the school counselor. She was a doll. No really, she was a doll, super kind, put together and very receptive and took our concerns seriously. I had a meeting with her and then she had a meeting with our son. We decided to give it another try after moving his assigned seat and getting the admin’s attention.

Prolly about a week after that, I got a call from his teacher saying that my son had an accident and was being taken to the infirmary. I was concerned and also confused because he always had a ziplock bag with extra fresh clean clothes in case this ever happened.

His little brother and I were almost out of the parking lot when I saw him being taken to the nurses office. I was told to wait on a phone call, but after 15 minutes I decided to just go inside. It was a freezing cold morning and as I pulled open the heavy doors to the infirmary I was taken back to some burgundy benches and as I turned my head around the corner there I saw my little boy with his head down, crying in shame.

This is an image I will never forget. It broke my heart to see my babe sitting there scared and confused. I got him cleaned up and explained he did NOTHING wrong and it happens to everyone. And even mommy has accidents sometimes. (that is a totally different post entirely (Charlotte in SATC Movie))

But the damage was done. They asked if he wanted to go back to class?

I had a son on each hip and in my calmest bitch voice I said,

“No, I am taking him home.” Then this happened…

The nurse said,

“part of being a mom is learning how to be flexible.” 

I walked out with my sons thinking “wow what a nerve!”

As we scurried back to the car, the freezing cold air took my breath away and I thought of all the things I could have said back.

The awesome zinger one liners you think of after the fact.

“Oh! You don’t know how flexible I am! I’m so flexible, I’m wound up and about to go cobra on your ass.”

After hearing this I said a little prayer “Lord please help me before I freak out!”

I an sure she meant nothing by it. But it’s these innocent comments that can sting the most.

Usually I can “Let it go,” like Elsa but this one still stings.

The quote I kept seeing scroll in my mind:

“Be kind to everyone, you never know the fight they are fighting.”

Does she know how flexible I am to provide my younger son with safe food to eat?

FOOD CHALLENGES

Does she know that my sister is sick?

SISSY PART 1

No, no she does NOT.

As much as I hated to admit it I thought it would go away. Was I overreacting?

But we all started to notice the light going out in his eyes.

He was a different boy. He was not happy.

It was time for mama to take matters into her own hands.

After talking to my husband, my parents, sister and our pediatrician we all decided it was best to remove him from school and start fresh in Kindergarten.

When I informed the school they were very kind and extremely PC about the whole thing. I do NOT blame anyone for what happened to by boy. I just want people to understand that there is absolutely NO excuse for another person to hurt someone else.

In the end he is my child.

 

So he finished the school year with his little brother at our favorite nursery school.

This past week we have been talking a lot about school..

We have been talking about differences, right, wrong, respect and kindness.

Our children deserve and need our guidance.

We must take them seriously when they are asking for help.

We must listen to them when they are telling the truth.

Love and trust are the building blocks of any relationship.

Let us not forget that our sole job as parents is to protect our kids even if it is uncomfortable or inconvenient.

Be involved.

Talk with other parents. 

Ask questions.

Read the handbook.

Do NOT be afraid.

Be your child’s advocate.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER & BE KIND.

From my family to yours, we wish every one a happy, healthy and fun 2017-2018 school year!

XOXO,

Just Happy Mommy

Roman’s Blog about School

Yesterday Roman and I made a Target run and my mom kept little brother so we could hang together.

We were looking at the Lunchables, yes I said Lunchables and he said “Mama I need to go ask them what their names are.”

He marched right over to some kids in the frozen pizza section and said,

“Hi my name is Roman. What is your name? Wanna know how to spell it R,O,M,A,N.”

We talked to this mom and her 3 kids. One was going into 1st grade, 3rd and 5th respectively. They were super and very receptive to Roman. We said goodbye and have a great school year. He continued on his quest down the aisles, it was the sweetest thing.

“Hi my name is Roman. What is your name? Wanna know how to spell it R,O,M,A,N.” 

Last night after dinner, I read Roman one of the posts I have been working on about bullying. I looked at his face and he was crying in my arms, BIG crocodiles tears were running down his face.

I said how does this make you feel he said, “thats terrible and so sad I don’t want that to happen again. Mommy lets write about something happy.”

Roman wanted to write a blog so I said let’s do it.

(He speaks in 3rd person because when I read my stories about him they are in 3rd person. I decided to take dictation and not change a word or tense. He was distraught and determined to make himself happy, so instead of talking about bullying, these are the words that came out of my big 5 year old. His responses are in blue italics. I ended up asking him a few questions then he said, “Ok its done, its good.” He is wise beyond his years, and I must say he has my passion for words.)

“Roman is about to be in kindergarten. Roman is going to be great at his new school. He is going to do math tests. He is going to be good at the math tests.

He is a really good kid. He loves his new school. And he doesn’t want to move out of his new school. There won’t be any bullies at his new school. He is really good at school.

Bless his heart he is really good and he gets to ride on the bus everyday to school. Roman is so excited for his new school and he cant wait to go there. Roman is going to look so cool in his clothes. He likes to match.”

What are the rules of school?

“The rules of school are no hitting, no screaming to the teacher, only outside, be nice to everyone”

“Don’t be rude ONLY be nice.”

“Make new friends.”

Anything else? Placing my hand around my ear…

“Oh and listening ears and kind words.”

What do we do if we see someone in trouble.

“We say Please Don’t hurt my friend. He is a really nice guy or girl. “

What do if we see someone who is sad?

“We be nice to them. Say what’s your name and be kind to them and tell them they are the best kid in the whole world. And everyone is different.”

What do you do if you are scared or sad?

“Jesus, please help my mommy not to be sad when I am at school, the end, Amen. “

Final thoughts?

“What’s that?”

How do you want to end your blog? Usually it is something positive that Just Happy Mommy would say.

“Everybody is different. Everybody is awesome and everyone is cool and smart and kind.”

“Thats it.”

“Roman’s Blog” 

It goes without saying but, I am beyond thrilled with how Roman’s first blog post turned out. Even more so, I am proud of myself. I am one Proud mom!

I love you to the moon and back 100 Roman.

Thank you God for the strength to teach and guide my children as you taught us.

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

P.S.: I would like to give full disclose that while helping write this post I swallowed a LIVE FLY.  The nasty insect was in my freshly brewed Nespresso coffee with my new favorite white chocolate mocha creamer. I did NOT look before I sipped and swallowed. It buzzed around in my throat and I proceeded to flip out and try to vomit in the half bath while Roman screamed like a little girl.

My littlest love, turned the computer off 3 times during my typing and editing. They both went to time out twice and I am writing in my undies and robe.

This is how I blog. #reallife

Special thanks to Netflix, GoGo Squeeze pouches and PawPatrol for allowing me to blog over the summer.



Because even tho this post is about as sappy and perfect as a picture of a little cherub girl with ringlets, wearing a flower crown, on the beach at sunset, on your Instagram feed, this is the stuff that you remember.  We all feel the stress, sadness and screaming SMILE, say CHEESE back to school craziness. Its all the feels mixed with the over abundance of Back to School pics and posts.

SO get ready because its my turn next week to flood your feed with pics of my little nuggets first day school. I am about to put social media on blast 🙂 XOXO Please pass the tissues & klonopin.

Parenting: Pick your poison

Everyday as a parent we pick our poison.

Let me explain. It is an expression. From Urban Dictionary:

What you say when someone’s supposed to choose between two horrible options.
You could either chop off your toe or you can stab yourself with that piece of broken glass. Pick your poison.

Parenting is also similar. Do you want to go to work all day and deal with babysitting adults or stay at home and referee the game called life between children half your size with double the attitude and energy.

Door #1 Do we want to stay home all day? Try doing a fun craft, only to make a mess and losing interest after 5 minutes?

Let’s color so we can fight over whose coloring book is whose and leave the lids off the markers. Leaving me the only one coloring and stop to hear them fighting over an amazon prime box.

I got the boys a fun sprinkler and they looked at me like, “what now???”

“Um you go play in it.”

“No it’s too hot, lets go swimming at Meme and Poppy’s house.”

“Ah yes, of course, makes perfect sense, I forgot you are spoiled brats.”

Ok great let’s stay inside and fight, scream and watch TV all day while I get to do my chores like clean house, do laundry, pay bills etc.??? When was the last time I washed my hair?

Insert the judgey mom reading inner monologue:

“why don’t they play with their toys or you read them a book or color or play a game?”

My response: “Why don’t you come over and witness why I don’t do that. Because they fight constantly and I’m f$&%ing tired ok?!?!”

Door #2 Go to the gym & kids club?

Of course you have to get there first which means getting dressed and making sure they have eaten and peed. Once we finally get there I have lost all motivation.

Then I remember the whining and crying. Get on it and blast my Hip Hop BBQ Pandora station. Those jams takes me back to when I was in college, hot single and ready to dance on tables.

Snap back to reality, oh there goes my kids again screaming that they are hungry for the $2 bag of chips.

Door #3 If you are really feeling like super mom you take the kids swimming, because that is just so fun! NOT!

Awesome, let’s scream bloody murder because the fancy organic sunscreen I bought is taking over your body and I am about to call a priest for an exorcism.

Once we get in the water it becomes operation don’t drown.

Do not kid yourself, I had to jump in after my littlest jumped in this summer in a sundress and sandals.

His response being “What? I can do it fur-out (without) my jumper!”

Heart-attack aside he and everyone has fun but not even an hour goes by and “Oh good you’re hungry and hot. Ok let’s go get in the 106 degree car and go home, because one of my kids literally can’t eat crap from a drive thru.”

Mine are usually screaming about how NOT tired they are.

Is there ever an answer like “ok mommy I’ll take a nap,” in the history of life?

Every single parent knows the epic fight to the death Nap Time. My little angels have to be bribed or threatened with NO MORE TOYS EVER to get them to even lie down. 

Door #4 Let’s go run errands together! Spending money like breathing air and trying to win at the mom game. I tried something different today and it went ok… first we went to the Dollar Tree and I let them pick out 5 things each.

My 5 year old wanted a ninja turtles keychain for his backpack for kindergarten and he wants to collect all 4 before school starts in 23 days and hell yes I am counting. Anyway he has to do simple things and chores to earn these trinkets.

So they each get a basket and make their choices and we check out. In the car at the car wash I explain that if they are rude, whine, scream, fight or cry I take a toy away.

Cool. I chose NOT to go to the gym and decided to tackle an errand I have been avoiding for weeks. But I literally could not go another day without paper towels. I know it’s bad for the environment but it’s my thing. I freaking love paper towels.

Costco with the boys.

Yes I did it and survived.

Holding those dollar tree toys over their heads worked beautifully to my advantage. Of course they had to pee twice but we made it home in one piece and under $300.

Don’t you think I forgot to mention how we are thankful to have these first world problems. Blah Blah Blah. #thankful #grateful #blessed  Y a Y a Ya we get it. But I do NOT feel happy when my son decides to run away from me in a store (Lowes, Home Goods and Target to name a few this week) like I am kidnapping him.  Not feeling super blessed when he proceeds to kick and scream and cry so hard that the entire store stops to see what the hell is going on . We finally get to the car and he kicks me in the eye with his Keens as I try to buckle him in the carseat.   Meanwhile patrons are walking by and prolly thinking “should I call the police?”

As I am yelling, “NO, its ok, he looks exactly like me, I swear I am not hurting him, just having a 2.5 year old fit about nothing.”

Some days we die from the choice and continue on. Just like in video games. These scenarios are all true by the way and I have been having haunting memories of one of my first blog posts TARGET TRIP FROM HELL.

Why do we continue on parenting? Because we love the s#$% out of our kids.

Because there are these rare magical days when things go right! When no one fights, shits their pants, complains or whines.

These once in a blue moon days when you feel like a rockstar mom and God is smiling down on you giving you a back stage pass to parenting heaven.

When your kids come up to you and say, “Mommy I heart you. You are the best mommy in the whole world. I love you with my whole heart to infinity.”

That is why.

Because we know how amazing we and our kids are and can be.

If it wasn’t hard everyone would do it well and there would be no a$$holes in the world. DUH?!

People say that our kids are a reflection of ourselves or tiny versions of us. There is a LOT of truth to that and I agree, but we can still help teach, mold and lead them to being awesome individuals.

This is why stay at home parents need a break. Not a night out. Not a date night. All of which are fun and important. But a real break from spouses and kids. A little getaway.

We run this bitch.

But we get beat down. But we always get back up.

My best friend and I have the same day dream. And we text each other almost everyday like sexting,

“you know what sounds good?”

“What?”

“Going out of town for the weekend and eating a huge meals with wine and dessert. Then going to our freezing cold, dark, fancy hotel with a king sized bed and watching a Bravo marathon going to sleep by 9 overnight. Workout every morning, shop, nap and do it all over again.”

“Ooooo my gawd!!! Yes! Oh and no cell phones allowed!”

“Swoon.”

Now if you don’t think this sounds like the best mommy getaway ever, then, I think we should break up.

So put on your comfy post pregnancy panties and dream of the days when you are granted the peace and serenity of happy, healthy babies.

Let’s not forget that we are the lucky ones who get to care for these gorgeously, insane, little beings. We are always under construction.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

PS- My husband wants me to stop cussing HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ellipsis …

Ellipsis

el·lip·sis
noun
  1. the omission from speech or writing of a word or words that are superfluous or able to be understood from contextual clues.
    • a set of dots indicating an ellipsis

    An ellipsis is not what it used to be.

    Today it is something we see daily while being glued to our mobile devices.

    If you own a smart phone, which a vast majority of the human population does, we often hang on the dancing ellipsis waiting for the next text message to come thru. We can see when someone is typing and if the message is sent, delivered and even read.

    But what if we did not have this ellipsis?

    The anticipation of what comes next can be exciting and yet anxiety provoking. What if we don’t get a message back? What if we do not get the response we desire.? Even worse what if we see them typing on their device and then they delete said message and we are left thinking hmmm ‘I wonder what they were going to say and what made them rethink unsent text?’

    ARE YOU F-ING kidding me. Even typing this makes me sound mad as a hatter. BUT you are completely full of crap if you have NOT felt those things before during a text message conversation.

    UGH it is ridiculous. I hate that these younger generations can barely hold a conversation. I have seen kids half my age and older and they literally sit next to one another and text back and forth. It is weird, creepy and deceitful in a way.

    People DO NOT communicate properly. TALK TO EACHOTHER!

    The irony is NOT lost on me that I am sitting here writing a blog post, at a fancy desk top computer, when these things did NOT even exist during my childhood. WHAT IS A BLOG anyway??

    I just think it is sad how technology has given us so much, yet taken away some of the beautiful & simple things.

    Did you ever get a hand written note passed to you between classes in school? Do you remember the anticipation, fun, and exciting feeling reading the note in secret? Did you admire the persons penmanship?  The note gave you an almost intimate relationship with that person? Writing, passing and getting notes from your crush, a friend or enemy was such an exhilarating feeling. What will they say? I love writing it is so thought provoking, challenging and lets passion, humor & cleverness mix with grammar, spelling to let the words connect and tell a story that only your brain can explain to you.

    Reading notes, letters and even emails and texts are so fun, but what about pen-pals and hand writing letters. I think about postage and how it now is barely a surviving business. Print your stamps at home, is all I hear on the radio and podcasts. Looking to the past and how our grandparents communicated back and forth through letters from overseas while serving our country and protecting our freedoms. I could NOT imagine the excitement and thrill of getting a letter from your lover. These things rarely exist today. I can barely sit down to write thank you notes let alone write in my journal.

    When I was a little girl I remember practicing my letters in my bedroom for hours. I would practice my print upper and lower case until they were nearly as perfect as my teachers. Then being obsessed with cursive and how I would write my name. How would my signature tell my story?

    All of this seems lost on me now. Like life is one big ellipsis. We are moving so fast. We type and press send with our thumbs. Will our children even learn to write? I still enjoy and admire my mother and grandmother’s beautiful penmanship. The fluidity, perfection to detail and straight as an arrow even when there are no lines on the page to guide them.

    I guess for now we will hang on the ellipsis of today and hope that our children will still have the excitement of the written word. Just another reason I am a blogger. I have something to say. I want to leave a legacy for my boys. And for that …

    XOXO just happy mommy

Believe in Yourself

As a blogger, who makes little to no money, it’s hard for me to apologize for not posting. I haven’t posted in over a month. It’s not because I don’t have things to say, the it’s contrary.

I think about my blog everyday, but actually sitting down, writing and sharing felt overwhelming. Why? For me, the longer I wait, the more I question myself, procrastinate and lose faith. Should I keep doing this? Does anyone really care?

It’s almost like exercising or eating well, once you start and make it a part of your lifestyle, you actually end up craving that part of your day. It feels good to do things for yourself.

My family and I recently went on a beach vacation for 10 days and if you follow me at all on social media you know this. Some may have felt like they were actually on the beach with us. I over posted and I over shared. Why? Because I was in my happy place with my bestie and my sweet boys! Even tho traveling with kids is super hard the good outweighed the bad!

It seems harder and harder to get back into the swing of things after vacation. I felt like I was bitch slapped by a wave of reality as I poured the sand out of our shoes. I honestly missed having sand in our sheets.

As a woman, wife, mother, friend etc we feel pushed and pressured to be many things to many people. But often we forget about the most important person under God, ourselves.

My MeMaw has a sign in her house that says, “If mama ain’t happy then ain’t nobody happy.” If that doesn’t ring true to many of you then you prolly should just X out of this now.

The real reason I haven’t posted is because I have been closeting my sadness and anxiety. I am a happy person but I can’t fake it all the time. When I’m not happy with my husband, my kids are driving me crazy and my sister is taking a turn for the worse, I do NOT cope well. It is a rollercoaster of emotional and physical highs and lows and pure exhaustion.

Sometimes I am lazy and just want to sleep, sometimes I drink, sometimes I workout, sometimes I shop, sometimes I over eat, sometimes I under eat, sometimes I overcompensate and spoil my kids etc. If there is a life coping mechanism or vice trust me I’ve tried it. But faith is the only one that brings me back to me. Only I can make these choices and only God can help guide me and judge me.

Putting yourself out here (honestly) for others to read may seem like an easy thing to some people, but it is anything but. My blog and my words have given me great confidence, happiness and still even though it should be a healthy outlet it can be stressful and anxiety provoking. When the later happens I just post fluff and kind of shy away from what is really going on. It’s the teeter todder of excitement and fear. It’s not an “Oh (BHH) bless her heart,” it is what it is.

Taking any leap of faith takes real guts. Whether it is a new business venture, a new partner, trying for a baby, asking someone on a date, sharing yourself, your life and kids online is scary ass shit. So why do I do it? Do I need to feel vindicated? Do I need 100 likes and 18 comments to feel loved? NO and NO!

Genuinely, I want people, especially other people who suffer from and issues, confidence, anxiety or depression, to know that you can be and do anything you want! Do NOT succumb to the devil and live in fear. I refuse to give up on my dreams! My mom always tells me “Believe in yourself!”

I get fulfillment in my blog just like I get amped when I get to the gym and feel proud when I eat healthy!

I am ready to get back on the writing block and I am excited to share all kinds of things with you. There are so many new things in the works at Just Happy Mommy! All are fun and exciting and some are HUGE! Think: home, fashion, food, exercise, giveaways and of course new hilarious stories.

Thanks for reading!
I Love you all and remember everything is gonna be alright if we just tilt our perspective and try to be JUST HAPPY!

Xoxo
Just happy mommy

PS And oh ya and we are in the works of selling our home and looking for a new one to buy. So I’m not busy at all LOL 😂

BOTOX VIDEO

As many of you know I started getting BOTOX last year. And I LOVE IT!

Since I knew I was going to have professional photos taken I decided to really plan things out so that I would look my best.

After my friend and I got the date on the calendar I began to work backwards. These pictures were planned out from the outfits, location, down to the lipstick colors. So I called and got my appointment just a little over a week before the photoshoot.

Botox takes at least 7 days to really “set in” or freeze your face. Since I started getting injections, I now understand why people call it the gateway drug to plastic surgery.

It took years off my face and gave me the extra confidence I was looking for. I know that it is not for everyone. I am not paid by Botox and I am not your pusher love girl. I just keep it real and want you guys to know that I am not 34 with a frozen face.

When I was researching getting BOTOX I did not like the videos I saw, so I decided to film my last appointment. Here it is on my YouTube channel.

 BOTOX Injections Video

I film these videos for fun, entertainment and to share with my readers.  Even though I work hard to look my best I need a little help from my friends at BA Med Spa.

I asked for an eye brow lift the first time I got Botox and I won’t do that again. The second time I got some injections above my lip in my mustache area and it didn’t really do much.  If you get injections above our lip it helps soften wrinkles, plump and enhance your cupids bow.

So by the 3rd & 4th time I knew what I liked, what worked for my face and my nurse knew what I needed. Some people metabolize Botox faster or slower than others so that is why “they” say it lasts 3-6 months.

Be sure to research where you are going. Make sure the Dr. or nurse has a professional medical license to administer Botox or Dysport.

Drink lots of water and eat pineapple days before getting your treatment to help lessen bruising.

If you are scared about pain you can ask for some numbing cream but it just pinches a tad. I have heard some people hear the nerve crackle. The lip injections hurt pretty bad so I get the numbing cream.

Do NOT exercise the same day after your treatment. Do NOT lie flat for 4 hours after injections. Do NOT wear a hat for 24 hours.

Finally the dermaplaning. I am sooo in love. It feels so good and gives your skin an amazing, healthy glow.

It is not recommended to try any of these treatments without a professional licensed medical doctor or nurse.
I just share my personal experiences and what I chose to do.

This makes me happy. So with that,

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

For more info contact BA MED SPA at 918-872-9999 or visit them at baweightspa.com

Reintroduction

Allow me to reintroduce myself my name is: 

Kristy Eller DeBoer or Just Happy Mommy 🎤🎼🎤🎼(Jay-Z PSA reference)

This post is a reintroduction of myself and my blog mission. 

I am a 34 year old mother of 2 boys and I’ve married to my babe for 10 years this September! 

I started this blog more as a personal diary for me to share and explore my life as a mommy. My husband encouraged me to share my work with others. The goal was, and still is, to be real, raw and honest about being a mommy today.  Life is too short to keep you down for too long.  I share my stories & how I am happily navigating life & motherhood. 

My most popular post was about insecurities & suffering from postpartum depression. The reaction I received was overwhelming and positive. 

I got messages of praise and thanks from other women who had similar experiences. It fueled me to continue to share the not so shiny & smiley side of motherhood all while keeping it geared towards being positive and knowing that being “just happy mommy” is the cornerstone of my message. 

I have explained the meaning behind the name Just Happy Mommy before but since this is a reintroduction I will tell the story again. I think it’s imperative to know where We began to understand the journey and where We are today. 

When we had our second son I was suffering from mastitis and having some major baby blues. The toll the 2nd c-section took on my body, having a wild 3 year old vying for my attention and trying to nurse a newborn was more than I could handle. I wouldn’t get out of bed much unless it was to go to the bathroom or try to bathe/massage the lumps and fever out of my breasts. 

My sweet husband and mother came to my rescue. I knew that I would never hurt myself or my children but I also knew I wasn’t feeling like myself. I cried and cried and just felt so defeated and sad. I will never forget my 3 year old coming to my bedside when I was in the throes of my postpartum and saying, “mommy just happy ok, just happy mommy, don’t cry, it’s ok, just happy mommy.”

So that is where the title to my blog came from. It was a tough time. But one that I am oddly thankful for because it connected me to knowing myself better. I also learned how to protect myself from things I can’t control and own my anxieties. 

It’s not your fault if you are struggling. Mental health is important. The negative stigma that comes with depression is bullshit. Shame on anyone who tries to dismiss or criticize those who are suffering.  I go further on this subject in this post:

 The terrible 3: Depression, Anxiety & Social Media

I am a work in progress.

The path I take maybe different than others, but it does not mean I’m lost.

My road maybe under construction but I know where I am going.

I have faith to follow my God where He may lead me. 

I hope you will continue to read my blog as I start this new chapter in my life and adventures in motherhood.

The best is yet to come! 

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy

Photography by: Beth Hawkins Video & Photography

Location: The Meridia Urban. Luxury. Living 

I will be posting more photos with each future post.

We did 7 different looks and Beth captured my vision even better than I expected!

I am so thankful & excited to share all my fashion, beauty & workout tips! 

ADULTing is hard PARENTing is harder

Everyone has $&@!

It is part of life. I’m gonna put a few words out there, then match them to the antonym or opposite word to the right.

Remember doing this is school.

Health      Illness

Family         Stranger

Rich            Poor

Married        Single

Friend        Enemy

Child         Adult

I think we live in a world of opposites, oxymorons, and frankly, annoying arrays of pretty BS. When you read the words above, what do you think of? Some can sadly and easily be interchanged. My sons love to read this book called Peanut Butter & Cupcake. It’s all about finding friends and your match. The beauty is: they all can match in the cute chaos that is life.

Before I go any further, let me say that sometimes I feel like I need an addendum. (To any stalkers, haters, critics, or perfect people trying to judge or ruin my life.) So, here it goes, “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.”

If you are searching for a feel good parenting post, please stop reading and go to another one of my posts. Also, it’s not necessary to call child protective services. This, after all, is just a blog, and I am just writing. So chill the F out.

I keep it real. Sometimes the stuff I say is offensive.

 

Now, cue the peanut gallery with all the words of wisdom, advice, memes, and grandiose ideas of how I can live an easier, stress free, perfect life and how I need to change despite my given circumstances.

Be thankful for my struggles, because God is challenging you for something greater than you can imagine.

I know God challenges us.

I know what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I know control is not real.

I know to get on my knees and pray.

I know I will bend and not break.

I know it’s the darkest before the dawn.

I know someone is looking at me thinking, “What does she have to complain about?”

You don’t know someone else’s struggles.

Do you have a family member struggling with extreme health issues? Do you know what it’s like to see someone so ill, the doctors can’t fix them and you can’t do anything to help?

Do you know what it’s like to have a child with a disability? Do you worry everyday, that what they eat will cause a reaction,  or a near death experience?

Do you know what it is like to have a family member hate you?

Do you have a strong willed child? Do you have 2 strong willed children?

Do you go to therapy?

do you exercise to relieve stress?

do you eat too much or not enough?

Do you cry?

Do you take meds?

Do you drink?

Do you need help?
If you said “yes” to any of these then you know the pain and excuses and why it’s hard sometimes to stay positive.

Trust me, I know every single cliche because it’s on my Pinterest board and my Instagram feed e’rrrry damn day.

With that said, I am thankful, grateful, and blessed beyond measure. (Read 1/2 of my other posts.)

But you are completely full of BS if you haven’t bent so far you almost break. There is so much stuff we have been told we need to do. So much pressure and so many categories
We compare, question, worry and repeat.

Does the stress of being a parent strip you to your core and cause actual physical pain?! I feel like I’ve been carrying an elephant on my shoulders while being slowly suffocated by a boa constrictor around my neck for the past 5 years.

I am high strung. I am sensitive. I am uppity. I am a worrier. I trust my gut. I have strong maternal instincts.

For some mothers it begins during pregnancy. My hubs calls me a wolf mother. Because my heightened senses have never seemed to dull over the past 6 years.

I know my skills as a mother have rarely, if ever, lead me astray. I know myself and my kids.

Here’s the cold hard truth.

Adulting is hard.

Parenting is really hard.

Just because you admit that it is hard doesn’t mean you lose or succumb to it’s rigors.

You get tested everyday.

Sometimes in different ways, and sometimes it’s like ground hog day and you can’t seem to get off the hamster wheel to hell.

I know it’s all worth it. I am obsessed with my boys. They are the light in my eyes and the beat in my heart. But it doesn’t make it any less hard.

Combine the lack of sleep, the stress of feeding, the helpless feeling of caring for an ill child, the seemingly constant crying, screaming, fighting, whining, bickering, arguing, sass, self-inflicted injuries and the incessant questioning that is beyond exhausting.

Questions from your kids that you don’t know how to answer.

Questioning yourself at every turn.

Not having the answers.

Praying for some Divine intervention.

Daydreaming of a holiday alone.

How much do you tell them?

How much do you shelter them?

How real do you keep their childhood?

How do they measure up to some scale that is a learning curve, growth chart, or scientific study?

Sigh.

Am I doing enough?

Am I doing too much?

You need to do this.

You need to do that.

Have you tried this?

Don’t spank.

Do spank.

Don’t yell.

Don’t cuss.

Talk to your doctor.

Go to a therapist.

Read this book.

Watch this video.

Pray.

Here’s the thing….I have and do all of those things, but it doesn’t make it any less hard to be a parent.

It doesn’t mean that I’m doing it wrong.

It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being a mom.

Honestly I feel like motherhood saved me in a lot of ways.

But it is real hard. And it’s ok to say it is hard.

The good days outweigh the bad.

The days you cherish and look back on fondly cover up all of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. I feel inundated by other parents telling me, “Oh, but you’re gonna miss these days. Oh, just wait till they are teenagers. You will look back and think, ‘Wow! I wish they were still little'”. I know because my mom is always right!

I think the influx of technologies and information available to us is astounding and terrible all at the same time. Surely, I am not alone on this one. Yes, tech is awesome and cool. But does anyone else feel pressured by it? Overwhelmed by it? We have to be this perfect combination of so many opposites. We have to be…

Flexible,

but still have a

routine

Create structure,

but be sure to enjoy

free time.

The struggle is real people!

Are we supposed to

Let it out and

talk it out, or

hold it in and

smile??

Just Breathe,

Or get on Meds.

Drink alcohol but

Don’t drink alcohol

Embrace your feelings:

Sadness

Fear

Disgust

Anger

Joy

But act like everything is gravy AF

Let kids be kids

Let them go outside,

But don’t let them out of your sight for one second because someone will kidnap them or they will get ran over

Have some quiet time or play quietly in your room. (aka, in my house, that’s putting them in front of a screen),

but don’t over stimulate them.

Make sure to nurture,

but don’t suffocate.

Encourage independence, but

shelter them from reality.

Teach them about the real world, but stay in the bubble.

Public school vs

private school

Do what’s best for your child.

Every child is different.

Be mindful.

Teach manners.

Be strong.

Be sensitive.

Don’t be a pu$$y.

Don’t say pu$$y.

Gender identity.

Super heroes & shopkins.

Mothers:

Should stay home

Should work part time

Should work

Take this pill.

dont take pills.

Get more sleep.

Drink more water.

Have a clean house.

But leave it until later, and enjoy your children.

Take a nap.

Don’t take a nap.

Make dinner.

Get food prep.

Get takeout.

Eat clean.

Be gluten, dairy, nut FREE. Or vegan.

Wear makeup.

Don’t wear makeup.

Don’t wear workout clothes,

but don’t be too dressed up.

Don’t judge,

but get on social media and judge people.

Go on date nights, because you can’t afford not to,

but save money.

Embrace your body,

but change it to be a healthier you.

Workout at home.

Go to the gym.

Eat this. Not that.

You only live once, so eat the butter, carbs, cheese, chocolate, pasta, wine etc!

“It’s OK to eat badly”, says the skinny person in your Instagram feed holding a donut.

My personal favorites are:

The best things in life are free, but you need millions of dollars to enjoy them.

Get some sunshine. But, Warning: it will cause cancer

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

What is a blog?

People ask me “what is a blog?” I say it is a digital medium that is a blank canvas for writers and artists to use to create and write about their passions.

So for me, blogging is a way to share my life experiences while I navigate being a wife, mother, sister & friend in this digital age.

justhappymommy

The criticism, like most art, is always there. People judge. But what has to be at the heart of any really good blog is belief.

Belief in yourself, belief in your writing and belief that it’s damn good. I joke around that since starting my blog I have painted myself into an honesty and humility corner.

Like my mission statement, I promise or vow to my readers that I will always keep it real! For example if someone doesn’t like what I wrote it’s easy to say well then don’t read my blog. It’s a nice way to say FU 😚🖕🏻. Just like a TV show, magazine or book you are still in control, if you don’t like it, don’t watch, purchase or read the media.

Blogging can be an art form, a business, a secret or hobby. It really is a cool way to share, but be careful that you remember, as I do daily, that “you can’t make everyone happy you’re Not Target” 🎯 😂

I struggle with taking myself too seriously then feeling so down & not confident in my ability to produce good content. Then back up the mountain of writers block to a flood of ideas and creativity that I can’t even keep up with. Like typing this at 4am.

Thus my idea that I wanted to be Tulsa’s Oprah with my 12 days of Christmas, Favorite Things, giveaways as a one man band, with 2 kids, no budget and a dream! img_4047.jpg

I love Lisa Rinna’s new tag line on RHOBH “don’t try to hustle the hustler” some days we put on lipstick 💄 big girl boss pants and some days we cry and say WTF am I doing. I should just quit. This is so hard, time consuming and nobody really gives a shit but me.

Well don’t we all feel like that no matter what career or passion we pursue? If it doesn’t scare the hell out of you then you aren’t dreaming big enough! Well let me tell you, I am both!

I’m not peddling a thing except my self. I’m giving away amazing, fun and frankly, bad ass prizes just because I can. I know people LOL!

Being a blogger may sound like a made up, bullshit job, and maybe it is, and the jokes on me. Although, giving your time, putting your heart and life out there is no easy task.

Anyone can can post a pretty picture.  But what does that picture say in 1,000 words?

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy