Category

Family First

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ADULTing is hard PARENTing is harder

Everyone has $&@!

It is part of life. I’m gonna put a few words out there, then match them to the antonym or opposite word to the right.

Remember doing this is school.

Health      Illness

Family         Stranger

Rich            Poor

Married        Single

Friend        Enemy

Child         Adult

I think we live in a world of opposites, oxymorons, and frankly, annoying arrays of pretty BS. When you read the words above, what do you think of? Some can sadly and easily be interchanged. My sons love to read this book called Peanut Butter & Cupcake. It’s all about finding friends and your match. The beauty is: they all can match in the cute chaos that is life.

Before I go any further, let me say that sometimes I feel like I need an addendum. (To any stalkers, haters, critics, or perfect people trying to judge or ruin my life.) So, here it goes, “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.”

If you are searching for a feel good parenting post, please stop reading and go to another one of my posts. Also, it’s not necessary to call child protective services. This, after all, is just a blog, and I am just writing. So chill the F out.

I keep it real. Sometimes the stuff I say is offensive.

 

Now, cue the peanut gallery with all the words of wisdom, advice, memes, and grandiose ideas of how I can live an easier, stress free, perfect life and how I need to change despite my given circumstances.

Be thankful for my struggles, because God is challenging you for something greater than you can imagine.

I know God challenges us.

I know what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I know control is not real.

I know to get on my knees and pray.

I know I will bend and not break.

I know it’s the darkest before the dawn.

I know someone is looking at me thinking, “What does she have to complain about?”

You don’t know someone else’s struggles.

Do you have a family member struggling with extreme health issues? Do you know what it’s like to see someone so ill, the doctors can’t fix them and you can’t do anything to help?

Do you know what it’s like to have a child with a disability? Do you worry everyday, that what they eat will cause a reaction,  or a near death experience?

Do you know what it is like to have a family member hate you?

Do you have a strong willed child? Do you have 2 strong willed children?

Do you go to therapy?

do you exercise to relieve stress?

do you eat too much or not enough?

Do you cry?

Do you take meds?

Do you drink?

Do you need help?
If you said “yes” to any of these then you know the pain and excuses and why it’s hard sometimes to stay positive.

Trust me, I know every single cliche because it’s on my Pinterest board and my Instagram feed e’rrrry damn day.

With that said, I am thankful, grateful, and blessed beyond measure. (Read 1/2 of my other posts.)

But you are completely full of BS if you haven’t bent so far you almost break. There is so much stuff we have been told we need to do. So much pressure and so many categories
We compare, question, worry and repeat.

Does the stress of being a parent strip you to your core and cause actual physical pain?! I feel like I’ve been carrying an elephant on my shoulders while being slowly suffocated by a boa constrictor around my neck for the past 5 years.

I am high strung. I am sensitive. I am uppity. I am a worrier. I trust my gut. I have strong maternal instincts.

For some mothers it begins during pregnancy. My hubs calls me a wolf mother. Because my heightened senses have never seemed to dull over the past 6 years.

I know my skills as a mother have rarely, if ever, lead me astray. I know myself and my kids.

Here’s the cold hard truth.

Adulting is hard.

Parenting is really hard.

Just because you admit that it is hard doesn’t mean you lose or succumb to it’s rigors.

You get tested everyday.

Sometimes in different ways, and sometimes it’s like ground hog day and you can’t seem to get off the hamster wheel to hell.

I know it’s all worth it. I am obsessed with my boys. They are the light in my eyes and the beat in my heart. But it doesn’t make it any less hard.

Combine the lack of sleep, the stress of feeding, the helpless feeling of caring for an ill child, the seemingly constant crying, screaming, fighting, whining, bickering, arguing, sass, self-inflicted injuries and the incessant questioning that is beyond exhausting.

Questions from your kids that you don’t know how to answer.

Questioning yourself at every turn.

Not having the answers.

Praying for some Divine intervention.

Daydreaming of a holiday alone.

How much do you tell them?

How much do you shelter them?

How real do you keep their childhood?

How do they measure up to some scale that is a learning curve, growth chart, or scientific study?

Sigh.

Am I doing enough?

Am I doing too much?

You need to do this.

You need to do that.

Have you tried this?

Don’t spank.

Do spank.

Don’t yell.

Don’t cuss.

Talk to your doctor.

Go to a therapist.

Read this book.

Watch this video.

Pray.

Here’s the thing….I have and do all of those things, but it doesn’t make it any less hard to be a parent.

It doesn’t mean that I’m doing it wrong.

It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being a mom.

Honestly I feel like motherhood saved me in a lot of ways.

But it is real hard. And it’s ok to say it is hard.

The good days outweigh the bad.

The days you cherish and look back on fondly cover up all of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. I feel inundated by other parents telling me, “Oh, but you’re gonna miss these days. Oh, just wait till they are teenagers. You will look back and think, ‘Wow! I wish they were still little'”. I know because my mom is always right!

I think the influx of technologies and information available to us is astounding and terrible all at the same time. Surely, I am not alone on this one. Yes, tech is awesome and cool. But does anyone else feel pressured by it? Overwhelmed by it? We have to be this perfect combination of so many opposites. We have to be…

Flexible,

but still have a

routine

Create structure,

but be sure to enjoy

free time.

The struggle is real people!

Are we supposed to

Let it out and

talk it out, or

hold it in and

smile??

Just Breathe,

Or get on Meds.

Drink alcohol but

Don’t drink alcohol

Embrace your feelings:

Sadness

Fear

Disgust

Anger

Joy

But act like everything is gravy AF

Let kids be kids

Let them go outside,

But don’t let them out of your sight for one second because someone will kidnap them or they will get ran over

Have some quiet time or play quietly in your room. (aka, in my house, that’s putting them in front of a screen),

but don’t over stimulate them.

Make sure to nurture,

but don’t suffocate.

Encourage independence, but

shelter them from reality.

Teach them about the real world, but stay in the bubble.

Public school vs

private school

Do what’s best for your child.

Every child is different.

Be mindful.

Teach manners.

Be strong.

Be sensitive.

Don’t be a pu$$y.

Don’t say pu$$y.

Gender identity.

Super heroes & shopkins.

Mothers:

Should stay home

Should work part time

Should work

Take this pill.

dont take pills.

Get more sleep.

Drink more water.

Have a clean house.

But leave it until later, and enjoy your children.

Take a nap.

Don’t take a nap.

Make dinner.

Get food prep.

Get takeout.

Eat clean.

Be gluten, dairy, nut FREE. Or vegan.

Wear makeup.

Don’t wear makeup.

Don’t wear workout clothes,

but don’t be too dressed up.

Don’t judge,

but get on social media and judge people.

Go on date nights, because you can’t afford not to,

but save money.

Embrace your body,

but change it to be a healthier you.

Workout at home.

Go to the gym.

Eat this. Not that.

You only live once, so eat the butter, carbs, cheese, chocolate, pasta, wine etc!

“It’s OK to eat badly”, says the skinny person in your Instagram feed holding a donut.

My personal favorites are:

The best things in life are free, but you need millions of dollars to enjoy them.

Get some sunshine. But, Warning: it will cause cancer

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

Speed bumps

speed bump

img_8877image from google

noun:

a rounded ridge built crosswise into the pavement of a road or driveway to force vehicles to slow down.

 

The definitions for inanimate objects can also be the synonyms of life.
Speed bump is a blinding example. “Built to force vehicles to slow down.” Wow! Our bodies are our vehicles. A speed bump is designed to slow us down.

I saw an article on the Today Show that said Americans are not getting enough rest. No shit, right?!?! But alarmingly, they are making a direct correlation between the lack of sleep and driving under the influence.

Today Show Link

We play musical beds at my house. Gasp!! Co-sleeping! Chill out! After years of living off little and interrupted sleep, you just get used to what you can, where you can. As a parent, I can say that a vast majority of us are not getting enough Z’s. I was laying awake the other night on the “speed bump” of our bed thinking about this post. Our mattress has been replaced 2 times in 4 years because of the huge dips! One side is daddy’s and the other is mommy’s and the high spot in the middle is the speed bump. As I laid there with all 4 of us in the bed, this analogy was too clear for me to ignore.

I have said this before, and I will say it again. We are moving faster than ever. Our MO is faster everything! Fast internet, fast delivery, fast food etc. But are our bodies designed for this life? I have to stop and wonder. Does God put speed bumps in our life to force us to slow down?

All the clichés and sayings about how life goes by in the blink of an eye are flooding my mind as I sit here contemplating, “why so fast?” One of my favorite quotes is from Ferris Bueller’s day off: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Could this not be more true or poignant for the Christmas and holiday season? Are we going so fast that we miss what we are supposed to enjoy? Does our list grow ever longer and never ending or completed? And for what? I know that we expect a LOT from ourselves and others, but has it all become too much? Of course, I am asking because I am guilty. Guilty of trying to do it all. Stay at home mom, homeroom mom, allergy advocate, wife, sister, friend, and blogger. My roles seem to go on and on. My sister is back in the hospital and I was going to go see her, then I looked at the clock and it was 8:51pm. I was so tired, I decided to go to bed.

kisses

She sent me this text last night…

“You are so silly! You are the best sissy in the world but you aren’t quite superwoman…you are sooo close but not all the way there. You have 3 boys to take care of, and, no offense, they are pretty high maintenance! Lol I’m going to be here whenever you have time okay? I know you would be with me all day and night if you could right?! But you need to take care of your boys and yourself okay? I love you so much.”

Rereading that brings tears to my eyes. Is she right?! I would be so disappointed and sad if I were her. She is one of the most important people in my life. Yet, I’m more concerned with getting my kids down and working on my graphic for my blog giveaways. I’m trying to do too much. But no one is putting this on me, except me!!!

Enter SPEED BUMP. Slow down and focus on what’s important!!

Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is called empathy. I fear that empathy has become a long lost and almost extinct ability.

The best of intentions don’t mean shit when it’s too late. We have to do what is most important. Not all of the stupid bullshit on my list. I think the extras are created to distract us from what we really need to do. Stop. Slow down. Be present. It is the best gift after all.

I pray for strength to do the right thing, and teach my babies the true meaning of Christmas. That it’s being with the ones who mean the world to you. Even tho I have a calendar full of events, appointments, dinners and the rest, I’m not helping myself by adding more and more to my plate.

We need to slow down when life hands us the speed bumps. Instead of trying to run over them quickly, WE need to stop and reflect why is this obstacle in our way. Is this a moment to learn, teach, or reflect?

I hope we can all take some time to hug the ones we hold most dear. Share a meal, a hug, or a laugh, and be aware that it’s ok to slow down and accept the speed bumps in our lives.

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy

Thanksgiving Recap the Real Life Version

Here is our Thanksgiving week Recap! The #reallife version not the pinterest, social media version. We had the ups and downs that everyone has. Some of this stuff I have to tell you. I swear I can’t make this shit up. SO I have to share.

Sunday

Family time Home Depot X’s 3

Armed with our list we are ready to have a fun little Sunday. 

My older one starts flailing on the floor and then holds open his legs and farts. Gross! They of course are laughing their asses off and this starts the snowball effect of boys. 

Then the baby sees a sweet pregnant couple walking down the aisle towards us and rudely starts yelling and growling at them. I said “stop it.” He bats at me and continues to snarl. Then they burp followed by spitting on the ground. Ok we are done. I take both kids back to the car empty handed and we swing thru the taco Bueno drive thru.  Daddy returns later to get the new Christmas tree and leaves his phone at customer service. Mommy goes to target to satiate the babies pouch addiction and retrieves the phone from Home Depot. Done!  This is the tree we picked out! I am so happy! Martha Stewart Living Christmas Tree

Monday 

Got the baby off to school and on to the LIST! 

I kept my older son with me and we had a fun day shopping at Home Goods, Super Target and the At Home store. Spending daddy’s money all over town. Then we had lunch at Hideaway pizza his favorite!

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At Home
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Home Goods

I offered to host thanksgiving this year. My mom has been thru enough this year. So I gladly took it off her plate. Plus the boys are so excited to have it at our house and it’s a perfect excuse to get my house in order.

The kids have different plans.  

The boys Flood the bath room every night. And tonight was no exception. The new bath mat that I got at target had not been in our house 2 hours and it still had a tag on it got soaked! I take away the toys and lie down 2-4 towels to soak up All the water on the tile. And while I’m drying one off and getting them lotion up and their undies on the other continues to make a mess. 

Since we got the new tree they are constantly asking if they can decorate the tree. I finally said yes you can. You can put these NON breakable ones on. Then they broke 3 ornaments in 3 minutes even when I said these aren’t breakable. “Ok…Let me test this one for you mommy…” 

Crash and tears img_8199

“Oh. No. you said this wasn’t breakable,”  they said.

I said “UM Well it’s not meant to be thrown on the floor and stepped on.”

I said “please stop touching it, I don’t want it to cut you,” as he looks into my eyes and rubs his index finger over the broken skiing penguin & my OU ornament that I had kept since college. 

Inner monologue “Are you fucking serious?” Out loud “OMG! Stop!”

They have to test and question and push on everything. Never take your word for it and saying “ok mommy.”

I’m super Thankful that our neighbors have 3 small kids otherwise I think people would have called us in for domestic disturbances nightly. Bedtime …

Tuesday 

Got up (most Mom’s will understand that getting up and around can be at least a 2 hour process before actually leaving the house)

Made breakfast bacon & strawberries & pouches 

Plan was to go to the gym and take the boys to kids club and visit sissy at the hospital. On the phone with my mom and the older one yells from the back, “but we didn’t have dinner.” “What?!! We had breakfast I made a pound of bacon and strawberries with blue Gatorade.” Ugh fine so you want a bagel cream cheese too?!” Drive thru Old School Bagel and then to St. John. ( I cater to my boys bc they are underweight and refuse to eat half the time)

I get out of the car and Perry starts throwing up all over the parking lot. Oh NO! Poor baby! He looks at me and said “I throwed up.” He Lifts his arm, covered in bacon and strawberries, and says “Try it.” Ewe! Fucking gag. I have gotten so much better but throw up is one of those things I have to tell myself over and over out loud “It’s OK, It’s OK.”  Trying to convince myself it is and not barf myself.

Well, ok new plan, no kids club & definitely not going to see my sissy to share barf germs. So we drop off her favorite sun dried tomato basil bagel from Old School and the bacon I made for her to my mom in the hospital garage. 

Then the gas light keeps coming on in my car, so I figure we better stop to get gas at QT. 

Roman insists on helping me. This summer I told him that a gentleman pumps a ladies gas. Since then he always wants to help. I said “no not today, no it’s raining please stay in the car.” 

Again not listening. 

Insistent again and next thing you know he’s unbuckled and outside next to me. 

Ok he’s done this 1/2 dozen times. He won’t wear a jacket and it’s cool and rainy today. He climbs under the hose to get “cozy” with me and as he does it pulls the hose out of my car and gas is flooding and spraying out everywhere all over him, all over me and the ground! We are literally soaked in unleaded gasoline. He starts screaming and crying I start screaming “FUCK!!!!!!!!!!”  and crying “are you kidding me?!?! Ahhhhhhhhh!”

Zoolander Freak Gasoline Fight Accident

I get him in the back of the car and stripped his clothes off and threw them away. I call the station attendant to let him know my son spilled some gas. He said “well that looks like more than just a splash.” I said “ya well sorry, we are both covered and I need to bathe us.” Roman is crying saying “it’s all my fault.” I said “yes, yes it is. You just don’t listen! What’s it going to take?” Driving down 36th street in my sports bra with all the windows down whilst screaming “WTF!!!. Is this a joke?”

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Gasoline Fight Accident

Speeding to my parents house we screech into the driveway and my little one scurries in with just his Zootopia undies on crying “it’s all my fault. ” Perry had his face covered with his blanket from the gas fumes. As soon as I unbuckle him he starts vomiting all over my parents driveway. “SHIT!!!!!” It’s raining. Ok ok let’s get inside without letting the dogs out. 

I get all 3 of us in the shower and soap and lather us all over and over. I can still smell the gas on my wedding rings. The boys seem happy so I leave them sitting on the seat in the shower and I call my mom for help. (They are safe, safety police!) She leaves my sisters bedside to come help me. 

Later that day and evening I can’t move. My body starts to ache and I am praying that I am not getting sick. I cannot get out of bed. Daddy takes over and I take meds and go to sleep. My body is saying a BIG F U! I never threw up but I was def down for a good 20 hours.

 Wednesday 

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Daddy Painting
Sprouts Turkey
Sprouts Turkey

Of course we decide to paint the kitchen cabinets the day before we host Thanksgiving.

Daddy is kicking butt and taking names. He even cleaned one of the bathrooms!!! I am doing lots of the Thanksgiving Prep work, cooking allergy friendly bread, mashed potatoes and of course roasting my first Thanksgiving turkey. I promise I will post my recipes soon for those who are curious of how I make my little nuggets allergy friendly food.

Thursday

Thanksgiving was nearly perfect. My sister was not able to get released to join us but we still made it special for her as best we could. I brought her place setting on my Vera Wang, Wedgwood China and all. She was thrilled to say the least. I don’t know about you but eating hospital food (as much as it has improved) is pretty Damn sad on Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law and husband’s grandma drove in and joined us. They also hand washed all my China! We only broke one champagne flute and no one got seriously injured or threw up. Winning!

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Friday

We literally did NOT leave the house. The boys stayed in their PJ’s ate pie for breakfast, grazed on left overs all day and we all watched movies. It was the perfect lazy day we all needed. Hubby and I binge watched the last 5 episodes of The People Vs. OJ on Amazon Prime. And as the boys were falling asleep I walked into our room and tears filled my eyes. “The boys are getting so big! When they are sweet they are sooo sweet. I am so thankful for them.”

Saturday/ Sunday

I woke up with 3 boys in my bed. Does NOT get better than that! I made bacon and waffles and there was little to no fighting. No we are getting ready to go to the gym and coming almost full circle. As I put on my favorite Lululemon jacket I am reminded of our gasoline fight accident. I am sitting here typing, I’m trying to convince myself that I do not smell like a combustible combination of gasoline, downy, bounce sheets and Febreze.
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Looking back at this week I just have to laugh. Somedays are crazy, terrible and frustrating. I quickly realized that these crazies are my life and that Thanksgiving is about spending time with the ones we love. Nothing can be perfect. I think it is perfectly normal to experience these ups and downs to appreciate the good times. I know that these days will not last forever.

I will miss the days when we are all smiling together on the beach, at the pool, laughing at the kitchen table, making fun of each other and trying not to spit out our drinks from laughing. I will miss the semi naked dance parties with my kids. I will miss their little voices. I will miss the sound of them walking into our room. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. 

I have more blessings than I can count. The ones I hold most dear drive me the craziest. My boys have my whole heart, body and mind. We recently jammed out to Bryan Adams “Everything I do, I do it for you.” It is the perfect song for me right now. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours 

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy 

#Thankful #Grateful #Blessed

#Thankful #Grateful #Blessed

I have to give it up

The holidays are now upon us with a week until Thanksgiving and 40 days until Christmas. We are all busy. We all have plans. The hustle and bustle, have to and have nots, the should I or should nots? We all want to act like we have our shit together but come on. Christmas is a bitch and can you believe this weather? Don’t get it twisted. I am not blasphemous, tho you might say, because Christmas is not what it was back in the day. Thanksgiving is the forethought, like a shower or party before the BIG DAY! Some people may not feel it, but I certainly do, to make everything pretty and perfect without showing how I do what I do.

Ok enough rhyming. I suck at it I know. But somehow iambic pentameter was on my mind. I scroll through my feeds like we all do and I see all these things that we are supposed to do. Be thankful. Be Grateful, and Be Blessed. Well aren’t you sick of it yet? I am guilty per usual but I must say that sometimes I want to scream FUCK at the end of the day. I pour my self a ginger ale HA who am I kidding a stiff vodka drink to share with my honey. We look at each other and say “wow aren’t we lucky?” or “not it!”

The reason I bring this up is because of how I am reeling on sharing how I am feeling. I really cant stop the rhyming now. LOL. I hesitate to post about my goings-on because of the judgement and heartache we have taken on. By starting my blog I felt so empowered but somedays I feel like a coward.

To say that we all have stress is a truth, but it is how you respond and process it makes it a weakness or strength. I want to spread love and not hate. I have written so many things that I have wanted to post but I choose the high road and pray for the future.

This morning we went to the Emergency Room. Perry had an allergic reaction. Thankful. Grateful. Blessed. He is ok.

I had made Roman some chocolate milk to go with his breakfast. For anyone who follows me (especially on Snapchat) knows that I make breakfast EVERYDAY as well as lunches and most dinners, most of which are allergy free.

Daddy took Roman to school and Perry woke up late as per usual and was a cranky and demanding two year old. “Chicken & Fries. Chicken & Fries,” he screamed through his paci. I said “Ok, If you eat it I’ll make it.” As I turned around from making my second cup of coffee I looked and I saw it like slow mo from a movie. (Seriously I can’t Stop Rhyming BAHAHAHA.) He took a big gulp from brothers cup which contained cows milk. We both looked at each other and we knew it was bad. His mouth started to water and he started to gag. We ran to the bathroom and he tried to vomit but he just cried “hold you mommy.”

I prayed maybe this time will be different. Maybe he wont react. Maybe his allergies aren’t really true. But before I could pull out the syringe I knew it was happening all over again. I felt so guilty, so terrible, so scared. I told him he had to take his meds. I gave him the Benadryl and he spit it out immediately and we tried again and succeeded.

Thank God daddy came home because he give us a calmness that we needed. Next was the prednisone steroid. He took it like a champ but I could soon see that he had hives all over his lips and was getting sleepy.

I called my mom out of fear and advice she said call the allergist and I did with devise. The nurse was much nicer than the 911 operator and helped guide me to decide what was next. She told me to give him the EpiPen Jr. and I said do I have to I really don’t want to. She said that he was showing several signs of anaphylaxis. I knew she was right but I hated to do this. NO ONE wants this to happen. It was an accident. IT was my fault this time but what happens next. I know how to react. I know the dosage. What if it happens and he doest get the right help. I can blame myself all day long and thrive on mommy guilt but its not about me its about the village we have built.

The village that helps me day and night and especially the people I don’t see everyday were there for me. I know I am a good mother but sometimes you crave the extra praise and reassurance that we all need. Thank you to those who were there for me without prejudice or question.

I am obsessed with my babies, although they are not babies anymore. Boys, 2 and 4 are hard to handle even with the best intentions. I love them to the moon and back. They love their mama more than anything. It brings a smile to my face when they fight over me until I get a black eye or c-section gut punch.

Coming full circle it comes to this. Am I thankful, grateful and blessed? Of course I am. Are you kidding me? But is it harder than it has to be? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. True Empathy is lost among our culture. A mom is a mom is a mom is a mom.

I have said it before and I will say it again I am a mama bear and I know what is best for my cubs. My husband agrees with me. It is hard. It is wonderful. It is love. Love knows no bounds. Until you know the true meaning of love then you will never understand. No one wants to admit they have issues. It shows weakness. But in admitting our weakness we find strength. Strength in the truth, love, prayer and honesty. I hope this does not fall on deaf ears.

Even tho I am absent from posting does not mean my mind and fingers are not firing on all cylinders. Relying on those who love me the most and my tribe of honest caregivers makes me question, revise and relate to all those who may be reading my posts.

Thank you to all who read, understand and believe. We are all #Thankful, #Grateful and #Blessed in our own lives and mind.

XOXO

Just Happy Mommy

Respect the Stay At Home Mom

SORRY FOR THE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES!img_6900img_6906

 

 

 

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

I’m a stay at home mom. I went back to work after I had our first son in 2012. I pumped at work and hired an amazing nanny who is still in our lives. She is so special to our family, so much so that, our son was her ring bearer. A few months after going back to work I decided to quit and stay home to raise our son.

This was NOT our plan. This decision crippled our marriage. The financial strain took its toll on my husband and the resentment became suffocating. We didn’t respect each other. I consumed myself with our baby and chose to ignore the giant elephant in the room.

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So what did we do? Go to church, plug along and then try to have another baby of course! As I have explained in one of my earlier posts The D Word.

The D Word

We love each other so much but we got lost and tired and quit trying to communicate. I joke around with my hashtags for anyone that follows me on social media. #weactuallyloveachother or #ireallydolikehim

img_6875Before it was more like we coexisted and for the sake of our kids and pride we put up with all the bullshit and tough times without really dealing with the problem. RESPECT!
Now we don’t sugar coat. We tell each other what is up. With men they have no gray area. Women we are all sorts of gray. Better to be black and white and leave NO room for gray. The gray is what grows and becomes the troublesome elephant 🐘 you can’t avoid.
I felt like such a bitch but honestly I learned that expecting him to read my mind made it worse for me. Instead of “no honey I will do it” and then resenting him for not offering I ask for help and say “Actually can you mail that, can you take him to soccer, can you pick up the wine and No I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Oddly enlightening it made him understand and respect me more when I admitted I needed him, couldn’t do it all and said no.
I’m so happy that we are closer than ever. We send each other funny texts. Share with each other and genuinely want to hangout.

Relationships are hard. The longer you stay in that negative place the harder it is to get out of it.
So now to point of my post. This week has been an eye opener to say the least. I had to report for jury duty. As a stay at home mom my initial thought is NO WAY is this gonna work! Who’s gonna help me take over my job? I will tell you who, Daddy and Meme. I am so thankful for my mom. She is my guardian angel and helps us so much! Daddy was a super trooper but after day 4 he was ready to shit the proverbial brick.

My babies were clearly pissed at me. The house is a wreck. And I think my older one may start a hunger strike soon. I can’t tell you how many times hubby texted me “are you done? This sucks! Ready to get back to our schedule. And my favorite Mommy is not going back to work.”

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Also I can’t tell you how many people said to me “Oh you’re just a stay at home mom.”

Wow! That word “Just.”
That’s like saying “oh you’re just a piece of shit.”

Even though jury duty was pretty much an exhausting, eye opening, nerve wracking and somewhat tortuous experience I have looked at it as a blessing.

I know my boys love me but man alive this really hit them all pretty hard. Wait what?! “Where’s mommy go?!” The got a reality check and realization that “wow mommy does a LOT!” Even though it was only 4 days 8-5 the feeling of appreciation, respect and love flooded over me tonight. My boys were fighting over which one I would hold and cuddle next. Needless to say I am very happy and thankful to be home.

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Now this is not to say going to work is better or worse. It’s just different. Each choice comes with a set of challenges. There is nothing like a mothers love. When you get sad what does your heart yearn for? Most people would say my mom.

I have met people from every walk of life. No ones job is more or less important than another. If anything this time in history tells us that we are all equal. Next week everyone has one vote. 18, 93, man, woman, gay, married, mother, transgender etc. No ones vote counts more than another.
I am raising the future. I take pride in what I do. I am thankful that I am able to take care of my family. I am privileged.
The world around us needs to respect ✊🏻
The lack of love, communication and respect is the demise of any relationship. It truly breaks my heart.
We need to love ourselves, our partners, children, family and friends. Sometimes the people that are the hardest to love, need the most love. I have mentioned my daily devotional that I read. “Jesus Calling.” This last passage spoke to my heart and helped me see the bigger picture.

img_6862We all have obstacles. We all have shit. I love my family more than anything. I just know that my happy place is at home taking care of my boys. I enjoy, Love and I’m proud to be a stay at home mom.

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Xoxo
Just happy mommy

“It’s Kristy bitch & I’m back!”

I was taught “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” But what if that deafening silence speaks volumes?
I haven’t posted on my blog in over a month. I have felt really down because of some very sad and personal things going on in my family. Unfortunately this drama has caused stress to some relationships.
So if I can’t say something nice I shouldn’t say anything at all right?! Well I am not going to perpetuate hate but my deafening silence has now come to an end and I am ready share my latest volumes with you. I finally decided to stop being afraid and continue to be me.
Unedited, unfiltered, unapologetic and real!!! I am strong! I will bend but I will NOT break!

I’m not perfect. No one is. Only God can judge me. My support system is amazing and I thank them all for helping me, believing in me and lifting me up when I felt so down.

I love blogging! I know it when I write something good. I can feel it in my gut, my heart, and my nerves. It is almost like a giddy nervous feeling before I post. Sounds stupid to some but I’m so passionate about my writing that it feels like sharing a gift. I share myself, my life and experiences to connect with people.

I realize that there will forever be haters. It’s really easy just don’t read my blog. Haters are now my fuel to drive my blog into the eyes of readers.

Seriously tho, I know my blog isn’t a big deal. But hey, I believe in it and I know it has personally touched some people. It is terrifying to share some things (marriage counseling, mental health issues etc.) but once I do it makes me feel happy and free. It is always nice to relate to someone who is brave enough to share right?!

I’m excited to share some of my highest highs and the lowest lows and all the fun stuff in between. I will be unveiling my new website very soon! I think you will like my upgrades. So please be sure to look for my new posts! I have some exciting news and I will be doing some fun giveaways!
It’s Kristy bitch & I’m back!

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Xoxo

Just happy mommy

I already miss those days 

I have been slacking on my blog because I am in survival mode. Since Back to School! I don’t know about you, but my “To Do List” is getting longer and longer by the day. I’m Realizing how much time it takes to do all this MOMMING and it is hardcore. I am used to easy breezy maybe-we-wear-pants-maybe-we-leave-the-house-maybe-we-eat-cake-for-breakfast type of days.

We are all getting in the swing of things. I know it takes time. I am realizing that I am officially a SAHM (stay at home mom.) Now big brother goes 5 days, all day and my littlest just started school, 3 days, 1/2 day, so I get 7.5 glorious hours of “me” time a week.
But, this whole getting up early, making breakfast, making lunches, getting me and the boys dressed, shoes on, teeth brushed, sippy cups in hand, and lovies out the door for school before 8am has me thrown for a loop. Just typing that makes me tired and want to drink another cup of coffee.
But for now, I can accomplish 3 things between 9-2:30pm. Workout, eat and take a nap. MAYBE on a good day I will shower, or run to the store, or work on the computer. But if you have kids in a 1/2 day school or MDO that’s it! You are killing it at life if you have been on any or all of these levels!

The Five Levels of Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom


1.) The Go Getter! 

This positive attitude usually happens in the beginning of the week. Let’s go workout, get coffee, run errands and work on the house during nap time and even pre-plan dinner. I have never made it past Wednesday in this mode.

2.) The “Hey at least I…” 

This is like “hey I got one thing done today” and I’m pretty proud of myself so I’m going to treat my self to bathing and maybe even blow drying my hair. Sounds ridic right?!?! Wrong! Sometimes I haven’t washed my hair in a week (disgusting) but not even dry shampoo, deodorant and Chanel can help me. Straight scrub.


3.) I have zero Fs to give! 

I’m tired and all I want to do is pray for a fairy maid mother and take a nap because I know what’s still waiting for me when I get up. A dirty house, laundry to fold, butts to wipe, and a million unread emails. So usually I chose to watch some bravo on dvr, eat any cheese or potato product available in the house, and take a nap.


4.) What am I doing?

Let’s do a million activities and not accomplish anything. Play dates, birthday parties, grocery shopping, and going thru a drive thru. You’re busy. Sometimes too busy to even want to do the shit you said you were gonna do. This is exhausting.

5.) Breaking point.

Mommy needs a break. When you do get a REAL break, enjoy it. Then you feel guilty, miss your kids, come home to chaos, and want to run back to the car. Being a parent is insanity. Expecting different results while doing the same thing over and over again.


Ok peanut gallery I hear you all in my head. Get help! Hire a babysitter! Don’t be a stay at home mom! Go back to work! Stop bitching! Order everything online! Use a delivery service. You need time management and organizational classes. How about FU!?!?


Some people are cut from a magical cloth that allows them to run on little sleep, have energy like the energizer bunny and look bananas. I’m just not cut from that cloth. Thing is I enjoy being lazy. You ask my older son what my favorite thing to do is and without a moments hesitation he will say “SLEEP!”

I’m not hating. I get stuff done. I admire those who can “do it all.” I’m just stuck in the middle of feeling like “Hell ya I’m slaying it and then questioning if I’m sending a healthy enough lunch.”

So I don’t do anything but pour myself a glass of water I mean wine and curl up in my robe and look at pretty people on Instagram while some TV show is on in the background. It’s called balance.

Calendars are a full time job. I don’t know about you all, but I haven’t consistently checked my emails for 4 years. The only emails I open are “Your Package has shipped, track it now!”, Taco Bueno, Bath & Body Works, spa packages, and Southwest flights I long book. LOL but seriously! Now, it’s more stressful! Soccer, gymnastics, homework, PTA meetings, date nights, school events, birthdays, football, ETC!!! Do kids not get to be kids anymore? One day we are singing ABC’s, the next we are in line for a tardy slip at age 4.

After naps and pickup, round 2 begins. The afterschool snack that will ultimately ruin dinner, afterschool activites, homework, baths, books, songs, prayers, and goodnight moon. BAHAHAHA GOTCHA!

Hello this Just Happy Mommy

not Bullshit Mommy.

4 Ways bedtime happens at our house  

1.) Eat it, wash it, brush it, read it, pray it, kiss it, goodnight, lock the door.

2.) Afterschool activity, drive thru dinner, screaming “I’m not tired”, asleep in the car, crying in the bathroom, and pouring them into bed. (Which sounds exactly like a night out drinking in my 20’s, or my last birthday give or take)

3.) We all sit down, eat dinner together with NO TV, peacefully agree to bathe, drink our milk, watch a show together, brush our teeth, read 3 books, sing a song, say our prayers, and turn out the light saying “NO, I love you more.”

4.) Babysitter. You keep them alive. I pay you.

Yes, I was just bitching about my kids driving me bonkers, but now I miss them and want to have little spy cameras on them. Ages 0-4. Hardest, yet the most control you will EVER have. Everything is harder for me BC I’m a control freak that tries to be chill. Sooo I already miss the days I am waiting to miss.

The Trace Adkins song is playing in my head “You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back, you’re gonna wish these days didn’t go by so fast, these are the good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now, but you’re gonna miss this.”

Trace Adkins You’re gonna miss this
Oh wait! You mean the days when I used to make my own life choices and didn’t have to be a slave to a calendar? Yes, yes, I miss those.

Granted, this is my first rodeo. And for my veteran readers, just go ahead and shake your head, sip your wine, and say “ROOKIE” out the side of your mouth. All the new rules and the hustle and bustle has given me and my family a violent shove into “THE REAL WORLD.” And like The Diary of Britney Spears ” You think you know, but you have no idea.” It is true. Like anything in life we do not know what it is like until we actually experience it or live it ourselves.

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy

The D Word

No I’m not talking about the “5 D’s of Dodgeball: Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.”

Dodgeball Wikipedia 

When you are married the D word means Divorce. And just like many curse words we whisper when we say it, like it will have less of an affect. We never used the D word before having kids. It is not an option. The past four years have been some of the best, yet hardest and stressful of our lives.

Counting back the years we have shared 12 amazing years together and we will celebrate 9 years of marriage in 2 weeks! Whoop whoop! (This is one of our engagement pics from August 2006. )

I remember him sending me hot pink roses on my college graduation day because he had to work at the car lot on Saturdays. We were so in love, the blind, no fear, no looking back, this is it, kind of love.

Even the happiest of marriages have peaks and valleys. It’s called the rollercoaster of love for a reason right?!?! We never lack passion, that’s for sure! But after going through many negative relationship cycles over the past few years we decided we needed a professional tune up. So we went to marriage counseling.

Here’s the deal, we know we love each other and we do NOT want to argue anymore. So in order to get back to the love that once came so easily, we are learning emotionally focused couples therapy. EFCT

I didn’t hesitate to share this with y’all because I made a promise to always keep it real. It worked! It’s been a few months now and honestly it’s the best decision we have made since having our boys and saying I do.

We fake it till we make it a lot in motherhood. But that shit don’t fly in marriage. Sometimes you need to step outside and ask for help. I don’t think it is a sign of weakness but of strength. My husband also agrees and he reads all of my blogs before I post them.
I think it’s refreshing to know when people admit to having issues. I think it makes us feel human. Don’t get me wrong I admire people who have a happy, healthy marriage. But what we were doing and dealing with wasn’t going down the yellow brick road. Also 12 years together is a really long time!

Thankfully we weren’t doing that bad but We needed to unscramble our priorities. God, spouse, kids, work, family, friends, money and the rest. We had it all mixed up. With everything we have endured over the last few years and explaining our situation, sitting on the shrinks couch, it was clear we needed this time together and to make an investment in us.

There are only so many hours you can cry to your mom and your best friends until they are like “I love you but y’all need a third party unbiased helper.”

I grew up old school and like most of my family and friends we keep marriage and family issues secret. Its like  “nun ya nun ya biznass.”

Well I’ve got a news flash! We live in a new century and we are downloading the latest version of marriage. The world is faster and more stressful than ever before.

Even going to the beach, on vacation, to slow down was amazing, but our problems were still waiting for us when we got home and dumped the white sand out of our shoes.
After taking the first steps, calling, making an appointment and going together we were already better connected.

The last couple of months have been amazing. We got lost and now we are getting back on the path. The love we have for each other and our children is worth fighting for.  We will never feel ashamed or apologize for working on ourselves or our marriage.

I hope that by sharing our journey, we can inspire other couples, who might be experiencing a road block, to get a marriage tune up and seek some counseling. Even tho smiles on social media can paint the perfect picture, things are never perfect. With faith, hope and love we can stand strong. I think this wedding anniversary will be the best one yet! I love you babe. Thank you for always loving me for better or worse. And thank you for taking care of me and the boys.

Xoxo

Just happy mommy

Back 2 School Blues 

We all get down on ourselves. We are tired. We look at the to do list and get overwhelmed. With a new school year starting I have been so emotional. Seeing my baby grow-up and walk into his first day of PreK really hit me hard. He was so happy and excited and I lost it as I was leaving the drop off line. Teaching him has been my job until today. Granted he has been going to school since he was 10 months old but now it’s different. It is real school with a drop off and pick up, packed lunch, a cafeteria, recess and all new faces.

He beams a smile and waves good bye, excited for his new adventure. Meanwhile, baby brother and I lose our shit in the car on the way home. (Yes I’m driving. I know I should not use a phone while moving a motor vehicle.) also I’m an ugly crier and turn the volume down ????????????

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I felt so happy, sad, proud and afraid all at the same time as I drove away. Will he be ok? Will he make a friend? Will he eat his food? Will someone bully him? Will he even think about me? Did I do a good job?

So do my emotional episodes mean I have a mental issue? Yes! It is called being a parent! We are all losing our shit at some point. It’s called having a heart beating in your chest. Life is made of peaks and valleys, happy times and sad times. It is not just in parenting. There are ups and downs in marriages, work, friendships and hell even the economy. Point is that we all experience things differently. The only person who can judge us is The Lord.

Yes I know my life is not over because my baby started PreK. I know, trust me I’m getting over it as I find myself writing this post, because I haven’t had a moments peace in 3 weeks since summer camp ended. But, I just care about my child and I want him to be happy, healthy, thrive and glow. I have been praying for him to have a good day and get in the car with a smile on his face full of stories.
When you question yourself as a parent it is a natural thing. It means you care. I struggle with my confidence as a mom and then other days I am like “Hell Ya I am a kick ass mom.” “Pound it dog! Booya! and Holler!”

So here it is the first day of school and as I stare at my to do list, laundry, calendar etc. All I want to do is take a shower and a nap before I go get in the HORENDOUS pick up line 30 minutes before I’m charged a $14 fee.

I know things change. I knew this was happening but actually living it is hard for me. All the new rules, my baby being so independent and being on time is really hard for me LOL. BUT it is good! We thrive in a routine so I am happy that I am being challenged to change. I know its not the end of the world but I do know I’m going to miss this.

I’m gonna want these hard ass F^&* days back. When no one eats what I make for breakfast, lunch and dinner. When no one listens to me to stop splashing and flooding the bathroom. When I need to kiss the boo boos. When my baby crawls up in my lap and says “Mama hold you.” When the boys no longer let me dress them alike. And when we have rainy days cuddling and doing absolutely nothing and they let me kiss their heads and smell their hair.

Trust me I am taking note to cherish this time. We don’t get a lot of time on this Earth so we have to make each day count. But damn it is hard to be a parent in todays world.
For now I tell myself.. The monograms can wait. The perfect breakfast, lunch or dinner cannot be made everyday. The organizing, the cleaning and everything I keep talking about will have to wait.

As “THEY” say “The days are long, but the years are quick.” As I see the calendar fill up I have to stop and think these are the days I will miss. But for today I will sit and write my babies a letter telling them how much I love them. I will take a shower. I will lie down and day dream in my quiet bedroom. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our loved ones is time. Unapologetically I will proudly give myself sometime “Because If Mommy Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy.”

Since pickup this afternoon he had a great day, made a new friend and learned a song. We had a special afternoon snack, played trains and he helped me cook dinner. After slaving away on dinner, it hits, here comes the meltdown. “I don’t want to eat it! Yuck!” As he’s screaming crying and running around the house losing his exhausted mind. Meanwhile baby brudder is enjoying his special allergy free (gluten, oat, egg, dairy, nut free) lasagna and breaks out in hives.

Daddy walks thru the door as I’m finishing baby boys bath and dosage of Benadryl. Big boy still whining and saying “eating dinner is so hard and I’m not tired.” I look around at the dishes piled high, laundry covering both couches, toys, cups, trains, Chex and blueberries all over the rug…

There’s my exit. I poured myself a glass of wine and I’m hiding out in the bathtub right now adding this to the post.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, shit is still gonna happen. Just depends if you are gonna pick it up, move on or just sit and cry about said shit. I’m gonna leave this one to daddy.

XOXO
Just Happy Mommy

My editor was not able to correct all my grammar, run on sentences and cussing. Once again if you don’t like my blog don’t read it ????????????????????

Growing Up Ain’t for Sissies

God brings people into your life for a reason. I wholeheartedly believe that. Whether we realize it instantly or later on, people come in and out when you need them to.

It’s been over a week since I was able to go to the gym after little nugget got a terrible case of hand, foot, and mouth. Even tho he didn’t have a fever and acted happy, I couldn’t be “that mom” that took her child covered in blisters to kids club.

Usually I do high intensity classes with my bestie, but today I couldn’t get us out the door in time. So I decided to sit down and ride a stationary bike, listen to my jams, and read.

Instead I talked with an 80 year old man named John. He was a lovely gentleman and so kind. We chatted for about 30 minutes as we rode our bikes. He was full of stories. He kept saying. “I hope I’m not boring you or keeping you.” I honestly was not bothered, but rather enjoyed his conversation and company.

He told me stories from his childhood, where he grew up in Fort Smith Arkansas, how much he loved Italian food, and stories of his wife and losing loved ones.

As I write this, I am even more touched by him and his life stories. We just had a real conversation. Nothing of fluff, but real genuine talk.

He and I had several things in common. We both recently had a birthday, both went to Catholic school “all the way”, and he attended the University of Tulsa (like most of my family members). But most of all, he lived life to the fullest.

He was raised by his grandparents and was never blessed with children of his own. He survived pneumonia and both a cotton-head snake bite and a rabid dog bite. All of which made me think. Damn That’s hard.

I of course told him about my two little boys, my sweet husband and my family & spunky 93 year old grandma. I expressed how fast it goes and I’m so nervous when my boys go off to school in a couple weeks.

He told me about a bully in school that teased him for having red hair everyday at noon. “I’d rather be dead than be red on the head” he would say. After weeks of this, he responded with “Well you know what? I’d rather be red than dead in the head.” This angered the bully who took a swing at him and missed. John swung back and knocked him out. He felt proud. He then spotted a nun out of the corner of his eye, and she grabbed his hand and said “God bless your hand child.” Hahaha yes!

John continued to tell me stories of his best friend Jimmy from Italy. They became close during high school and he enjoyed dinners at his home. He loves Italian food and played football. He reminisced about one year his coach, a priest, gave them all a St. Christopher medal that he blest to protect them. He gave me a big smile and said look. The chain I had noticed him wearing held that same St Christopher charm. I said “maybe that’s how you got this far?” he said,  “I think so too.”

He doesn’t have any family left other than his wife, yet he said “Life is pretty good if you know how to live it.” After a long weekend of celebrating my birthday with those I hold dear, it makes me more thankful that I have my family and friends with me.

When he and his wife went to pick out their resting plots in Fort Smith, Jimmy asked John to be his brother, and share a spot in their family plot. So even though John didn’t have any living relatives, he still had Jimmy as his bro.

I could have smiled, nodded and put my headphones back in, but I didn’t. I so desperately wanted my alone time at the gym today. Instead I made a new friend. One that I’m sure I learned a great deal from.

Sometimes we need to stop and listen.

He told me a final story about his grandfather, who worked nights at a smelter plant in town. They did everything together during the day as he was growing up. Fishing, hunting, trapping etc.

He said when his grandfather passed away from brain cancer, his grandma told him to stay at a friends house the night he passed.

The next morning, he went home and saw his grandparents’ bed empty and he knew he was gone. His grandma said she held her husbands hand as he told her “don’t worry about me, Babe, I’m going to see my mama, daddy, and brothers.” And he died right after he spoke those words.

I got teary eyed as he told me. But then he stopped me and said “I felt that way too for a long time, but now, I hope I am that happy and brave when it’s my time to go.”

I live in a constant state of fear. For my boys, my sissy, my parents, my grandma and myself. I don’t want to die young. I think taking some time to come to the gym and talk with my new friend John is what I needed today. Perspective on this life and how sweet it can be. Not competing or comparing. Not to pity or worry. But to share our stories and be real.

I am so thankful that God spoke to me through John today. I needed his guidance and kindhearted smile. We ended our talk with a smile and a handshake. He told me to be safe and remember “Growing old ain’t for sissies.”

Xoxo

Just Happy Mommy